A Letter to Luke

Dear Luke,

Tomorrow will be one of the very best days of my life. Tomorrow will be your birthday. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

For nearly two weeks I have not written in this space, but have instead been silent, my heart and mind able to focus on nothing but your coming. How does a mama properly prepare to meet the newest love of her life? How does she savor the final days of carrying her baby inside, her belly heavy with child? How does she store deep in her heart the way that it feels when her son moves inside of her and how can she hold on to the feeling of the gentle sway of his small body as he shifts? These things my heart wonders. So I have been silent. Content to simply take it all in, as tonight you rest under my heart, yet tomorrow, Lord willing, you will rest in my arms. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

These past two weeks have been long ones. My body is tired. Sleep has not come easy. There were many nights where I thought tonight is the night he is coming! only to wake the next morning disappointed. It has been emotionally draining. For so long now I have wanted to meet you. And tomorrow I get to. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

I wonder what you will look like, my sweet child number four. Will you have hair? Dark, thick brown hair? Or some other color that would be a marvelous surprise? Or perhaps you will be beautifully bald. Emma and Kate cannot wait to meet you. For sure you will be smothered in love by those two who have already dubbed themselves your second and third mama's. Jack cannot wait to teach you how to eat ice cream and how to fake burp. Such serious things a young boy must learn from his big brother. Your daddy cannot wait to hold you. I know he will cry when they place you in his arms. He always does. And me? I cannot wait to see the blink blink blinks of your baby eyes as you take in the new world around you. I cannot wait to stroke your soft skin, to nuzzle your small body close on my chest, to breathe in your baby smell. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Luke Wesley Perrin, never doubt that you were wanted from the very beginning. Never doubt that you are loved. Forever and ever. You are my son. The baby that I prayed for, that my heart desperately longed for. I love you to moons on sticks and back again.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Love, Mama