the story of kansas

(Image found HERE)

So. Have you heard? Our family is moving to Kansas.

Oh, goodness gracious. Kansas! Three weeks from today, our family of six will pack up this darling duplex and head west to a state that never before existed to me outside of the Wizard of Oz (one of my girlies favorites, thanks to their Grandma).

I wish we could go to a cute corner coffee shop, grab a cup of chai tea, and I could share with you all of the incredible ways God has made himself known in this move. For sure and for certain, I've never known His presence more than I have in these past several weeks. It's a crazy peace that I have, despite the sadness of saying goodbye to our home and our family who will remain in these Ohio hills. But the way that I see it.... is that sometimes you just have to jump. In order to make room for God to work, in order to chase a crazy dream, in order to be obedient to God's call, sometimes you just have to jump and trust that He will catch you on the way down. So, we're jumping.

The crazy dream began nearly a decade ago.

 Boss and I were newly married, our oldest was then a one year old baby, and we were already tired of climbing this worlds never ending ladder. We were tired of the long hours spent on things that held no meaning, tired of spending our days, hours, minutes on gaining possessions we are promised will pass away. We longed for purpose. So, we flew to Albuquerque, New Mexico and there we found what we were looking for. We flew to Albuquerque to become house parents, to live with children who were not our own. Children who had been handed a rough lot in life and who needed the love and structure that only God's design of the family can fill. We served in Albuquerque for two years under the direction of a good man. A quiet leader with a sparkle in his eyes. Ivy Harper taught us what it meant to be selfless, to spend your days giving away the best that you had to offer to a hurting world. Ivy has passed on from this world now, but I wish that we had told him how his leadership greatly impacted our lives. How he shaped our vision for the future. I wish Ivy could know how he touched the life of my husband. From the very first time that Boss sat across from him in his home office, he knew that one day he wanted to lead like Ivy. And when he came to bed that night he told me as much. But we were young, and restless (and more than a little bit foolish), and after almost two years we moved on. We moved here, to our home in Ohio, where we have served with Mid Western Children's home for the past seven years. Mid Western is more 'home' to me than anywhere else on this earth, and our years here have been some of the best of our lives, I'm sure. But the dream of leading never left Boss' heart.

Fast forward to the middle of this past September, and a few crazy connections and one Christian Chronicle ad later and Boss had applied to be the CEO of Carpenter Place, a Christian children's home in Wichita, Kansas. Two days later they called for a phone Interview and two weeks after that we were heading down as a family to visit Carpenter Place in person. And all I can say is that God was there. We saw Him all over the campus, in the faces of the people that we met. And while our hearts literally broke at the thought of leaving 'home' and the life that we have built here, there is no denying that God was saying GO. So when they called to offer Boss the job, we said YES.

During his interview they asked Boss 'why Wichita'? And Boss answered, why Houston? Why Albuquerque? Why Pleasant Plain? Because we go where God calls. We try and follow His leading. We jump and trust that He will catch us on the way down.

That's the story of how Kansas came to be. That's the story of Boss' dream come true. And we are confident that right in the middle of the United States is right where God wants us to be.

So, we jump.

Life Lately

Life has been busy in our little world. The good kind of busy. The busy that involves the daily doings of raising four children, sharing conversation and community with friends that we cherish, and really just celebrating life. All the many parts of it.

Somewhere in the span of the calendar pages turning, Boss and I celebrated ten years of marriage. A decade of love. To be honest, the night we had set aside to celebrate together did not go as planned. Luke was two weeks old at the time, we were tired, and we both said things that we should not have said. But at the end of the day, there is still no one else on earth that I would rather be sharing my days with. Both the good days and the bad ones. For me, Boss is it. And I thank God that he feels the same way about me. We ended our anniversary with I'm sorry and I love you. And I looked into the eyes of the man that I love and I prayed for many decades more.

Two weeks after our anniversary, this little fella turned one month old.

Luke is such a sweet little love. He reminds me most of his biggest sister, as he is a content, quiet little guy. Unless he wants to eat. Then he makes sure you are aware of his hunger. For the first time ever I am committed to nursing, and I will say that I love seeing my tiny guy begin to fill out. Our bodies are awesome and this entire process of pregnancy, birth, and then nursing my infant for nourishment reminds me every single day that there is a God. The way he designed the creation and sustainment of life is nothing short of amazing to me.

What else?

Yesterday this sparkly eyed girl turned seven. Seven years old. Kate was our most challenging child during the first two years of her life, but she has grown up to be the most charming and delightful little girl! She is a wonderful daughter and the very best sister. I love her so much and I am blessed to be her mama.




























Jack is now potty trained. We started working on it the very same week that we brought Luke home from the hospital. You know. Because I had nothing else on my agenda. But I am so proud of my biggest boy! He may or may not have recently gotten in trouble for showing every single person that he meets his new underwear (which involves dropping his drawers for all the world to see), but in his defense, Batman is pretty cool.

And then there is Emma. She is such a help to me! The perfect oldest child to our crew. Lately she is maturing so much and growing up before my very eyes. I am thankful she is mine.

 So that is a glimpse into the life of our family lately. Our life that is good, and sweet, and exhausting, and challenging, and hard, and wonderful all wrapped up in one. And I am thankful for all of it. For every one of our days together.

Recently our church family lost a wonderful man. Boss and I often list the couples ahead of us in this life that we admire, that we want to grow to be like and to model our family life and marriage after. Only two couples ever make our list. This man and his wife are one of those two couples and my heart is so saddened over his passing. But I will tell you this. Knowing him and now watching his wife tread through these dark days so gracefully, most definitely makes me want to know God more deeply. Knowing them makes me want to live each day more fully. Together. As a family.

I know that the Lord is at work. All around us and in our family. And I am so very thankful for this life that I have been given and for the people that I am blessed to share it with.

settled

(source)

I do believe that we are beginning to get settled into our new nest.

This darling duplex is smaller than any space we have ever called home, and ironically enough, soon we will bring our new family number up to six! Yet despite it's small size, I think that I am falling in love with this new space. It seems to be the theme of our lives so far this year, but as with everything else, our family is finding that less is often more. And already, this small space feels like so much more. More than we have ever had before. More peace, more bodies snuggled into one space, more smiles, more feelings of this is so right. Because it is so right.

I am so grateful for this chance to start fresh. I know full well that it didn't have to happen. A fresh start does not come along every day. So I will do my best to see each new day in this small space as a gift. To be grateful for the grace that was given, another opportunity to get this thing called life right.

Tonight at supper (cinnamon rolls, eggs, and homemade granola mixed with yogurt and banana), I looked across the table at my king. He is oh, so handsome to me. I looked at him and thought of this life that we are building together. And I laughed, because while most of the world is climbing up, we always seem to be headed back down. Back down to what matters most, we say. And I am good with that.

And if it is true? If any home can be a castle when the king and queen are in love, then there has never been a more splendid duplex in all the land. Because this man, these children, this space? They are all I need to feel settled. They are all I need to feel at home.

I LOVE to Love You

(Couple's Valentine Dinner 2013)

I have always been a big fan of love. I tell my children almost daily that I LOVE love. And I do. I love the way love makes my heart feel, all bursting, and full, and warm. I love love letters, and romantic movies, and grand gestures. I love intimacy, and sharing secrets, and stolen looks across the room. And holding hands. Holding hands is my favorite. I love building a life with my best friend. And I love the way that Boss still knows how to make me feel beautiful, even though a decade and four babies together has changed my body significantly.

But love isn't always easy. In fact, it often requires much hard work.

We live in a self centered society. Or perhaps, it really isn't even about the society that we live in, though I do believe that plays a part. Perhaps we are self centered because we are sinful beings and selfishness comes naturally to us. I may not always like me, but I always love me. I love having things go my way. I love doing things on my own time. I love being right. I love having alone time, time to focus on my goals and my dreams.

But really, that's not love.

Love is not selfish. Love is selfless.

Love is less of me, less of what I want, or think, or feel, and more of others. My sweet husband is so good at loving me. He shows me love in the way he rises early with our early birds, so that I can rest longer. He shows me love through forgiveness, always humble in offering an apology if he feels he has wronged me in any way (trust me, 'sorry' is not always an easy word for me to say!). Boss shows me love by helping out around the house, rubbing my tired pregnant feet, and by listening to my dreams.

We forget that true love is most often best displayed more through the doing and less through the feeling.

Love letters and grand gestures are nice, but love must also be present in the day to day. In the little ways that too often go unnoticed and unappreciated.

For Valentine's Day this year, I decided that I wanted to show Boss some love. A bit of a grand gesture combined with serving and doing. An evening set aside to cater to him, to meet his needs, and to make him feel special. I got some girlfriends on board (who also wanted to pamper their hard working husbands!) and we set the ball in motion!


(The Table)

We had our men meet up at one of the houses, while we went to a different house to prepare for our romantic evening in.Then we sent our guys a text message that started them on a scavenger hunt. Their first assignment was to purchase bow ties to wear to the dinner we were preparing for later that night! Can you even imagine three men in their thirties holding up bow tie after bow tie to see which one best coordinated with their outfit? Hilarity!

(Studly Husbands in Bow Ties)

While the men were out scavenging, the ladies were preparing them a meal of steak, homemade mashed potatoes, and asparagus.

(My Talented in the Kitchen Friend, Kristin)

(Cute Heather Rockin' Her Apron)

 And we each took special care to prepare our husbands favorite dessert. It was a beautiful evening of a delicious candlelit meal, laughter, friendship, and serving the great men that so often serve us. There was also plenty of sweet stolen looks and much hand holding. Did I mention that hand holding is my favorite? The evening was a beautiful combination of grand gesture meets everyday love.

(Boss, My Forever Valentine)

I am so thankful to have a husband who is so very patient with me. It has taken me many years to figure out this thing called love. This thing that is less about feeling and more about doing. This thing that is less about me and more about him. I don't always get it right. But I'm working on it, every single day, in all the little ways.

Boss - I love you! I will always LOVE to love you! Happy Valentine's Day!

P.S In case I forgot to tell you, you looked incredibly studly in your bow tie!

(Boss Speaks my Love Language)

From Ladders to Lessons

(Mama and Luke)

Last Friday night, Boss and I got fancied up to attend a benefit auction for the children's home where Boss is employed. Boss is the principal of the school that serves many residents from the children's home, as well as children from surrounding school districts that are bused in each day.

Many moons ago (do people really say that?), Boss worked for corporate America. Before we met he was an insurance salesman, and during our months of dating and early marriage he was a retail manager for Champs Sports. So I suppose you could say that being a boss (literally) and a salesman have always been in his blood. He was good at what he did. Very good. He won many awards and much recognition, and there was a time when we dreamed about his career in retail management going far. All the way far. All the way to the top! In our minds, he was climbing the corporate ladder one rung at a time. It didn't matter that he worked sixty to eighty hours a week. No pain, no gain! Right?

 But then we got pregnant.

And suddenly that silly old ladder didn't seem nearly as important to us as it once did. If I was at home with the children while Boss was at work 'climbing' away, if he left the house before the children woke in the morning, came home after they were already in bed for the night, missed worship services, and dance recitals, and ball games, would it even matter to us once he reached the very top of the ladder? Would it even be worth it? For our family, we decided the answer to that question was a resounding NO. Because more than likely, in the end, he would have been be standing at the top of that corporate ladder alone, while the children and I were at home going about the family life that we had created without him. So just like that our focus shifted. And we decided then and there that the only type of ladder we ever wanted to climb would be one that we could climb together. So Boss, with my input, began to pursue other lines of work.

Looking back, Boss and I can honestly say now that we wished we had pursued some sort of family business or trade when we were looking to make a change in our lives. Something that we could have worked together, side by side, including our children as they grew. But we didn't even think to head in that direction at that early point in our marriage. Instead, we focused on his pursuing a career that would allow for as much family time as possible. Boss obviously had to make a living, but our first priority was to be together as much as we possibly could be. Boss' second priority was working a job that 'mattered'. Not that most jobs are not necessary in the world that we have come to live in, but if Boss was to be away from us for any length of time each day, he wanted to feel good about how he was spending that time.

Eventually, after several months of prayer, Boss decided on the field of education. At that time there was a shortage of teachers in certain states and alternative certification programs were available to anyone who qualified. So, Boss hopped on board, and after one summer of hard work he was a teacher! And I think he would tell you that was one of the best decisions he has ever made. He no longer climbs a ladder, but he spends his days investing in the lives of those who may one day climb. And he is still a salesman. Only now, instead of selling insurance or shoes, he spends his days selling children on the idea that being all that God created you to be and making something of your life is important! He is home early most afternoons. He is off on weekends, holidays, and for the entire summer each year. He is active and present in our home and in our children's lives. And I couldn't be more proud of him.

It isn't always easy. Trying to raise a family on one income, and a smaller income at that, is often a difficult task. We have to work together to pinch pennies (Boss is far better at this than I am), I help out with taking on other small jobs when I can, and we don't always know how we are going to make ends meet. But God has always provided. He has always been faithful to open doors right when we needed them opened the most. And I know that God will continue to be faithful.

We have no idea where our path will take us. Sometimes I dream that God still plans on using Boss in big ways for his kingdom, like Boss' journey has only just begun. Sometimes I am content if what we have is all there ever is. Sometimes we still dream of starting that family business and working each day side by side. But I do know that no matter what, family will always come first. And to us, that is more important than any ladder ever could be.

SOCCER Saturday

Soccer Sisters



Coach Z (aka Boss) and his Children

Kick it Kate!

Stylin' Star

Wait for it.....

Let's go Number 3!!!

We love SOCCER Saturday's!

The Boss Man

I am still working out some kinks on this new blog site of mine (okay, I am not really working on them because I don't know how), and I still am unable to upload photos (grrrr), but I couldn't sleep tonight without giving a shout out to my Boss man. Yesterday was Father's Day. We gave Boss cards that the girls had made and a hill billy golf set to play with in our new backyard. We also made him a peanut butter pie and bought him some IBC root beer. Those are keys to the man's heart, I tell you what. We went to morning worship, and then we spent the day with friends. The daddy's golfed together and then finished their day by watching golf on the TV. Golf is another key the Boss' heart. Peanut butter, root beer, and golf, and he is one happy dude. Throw in a wife, two daughter's, and a son, and he thinks he has won the lottery. And I love him for that. Because our life together really is all that he wants. It is enough for him. While I spend many hours dreaming of what is yet to be, Boss is always thankful for what is. He sees us, his family, as a gift, and he treats us as such. What I didn't tell you about yesterday was that he still rose early with two of our children, cleaned the house, ran a load of laundry and prepared Jack's bag for church,  all before I had even gotten up for the day. On a day where I should have been serving him, he still served me. And this is nothing new for him. He works hard at all that he does, and our home and family life are no exception. So while I may be the dreamer, always wishing for the next this or that, I never wish for someone else to spend my life with. I never wish for someone else to raise my children with. He is all that I want. My other half. Boss, Happy Father's Day. You are the best, and not a day goes by where I do not feel as though I do not deserve your goodness to our family. You really are the best man that I know. How on earth did I get so lucky?

Happy Birthday to Boss

Today, the man I love turned 35. Nearly a decade ago we met. Me, nearly 20, him a bit older. Wiser. I could tell right away that he was a hard worker. And I liked the way that he smiled. He was shy, quiet, but confident. When he called me on the phone my heart beat faster, and when he reached for my hand I could think of nothing else. Only him. But after nearly a decade of loving each other, I have let some things slide. Too many things. Now when he calls from work, I often greet him with stress, frustration, or worry. Or I rush him because I am too busy. Too busy to talk to the man that I love? And when he reaches for my hand, I might give his fingers a quick squeeze, before separating to referee this or that with the children. The love is still there. I know this. It often just gets buried. Buried under responsibilities, and work, and children, and lists. Buried under life. So for his birthday, I decided to strip away some of the ruble and find the love again. The new love feeling. My gift to him, the man I love. I asked for a few days off from work. I sent the children off to my parents. A night on the town for the two of us. Just what we needed. The cell phones went away. When we talked over supper, we looked into each others eyes. Focused on nothing else. When we went to the movies we sat in the back, just like the old days. And when he reached for my hand? I held on, willing him to know how much he is loved. How much he is valued and appreciated, for the way that he loves our family. For the way that he works hard and leads our family. And in case he couldn't feel it, all of my love, I told him. Out loud. Because sometimes words of affirmation aren't said often enough. A night together, alone, was just what we needed. Because the feelings are still there. Sometimes we just have to work a little harder to find them. But that's okay. He is worth all of the work in the world. Our love is worth it. And I know that he would say the same. Happy Birthday, Ben. I will forever be glad that you were born.

The Best That Ever Lived

My children are so very lucky that I am married to the very best dad that ever lived. I am pretty lucky too. When it comes to caring, guiding, and providing for our family, Boss does it all. Prays for his family? Check. Is wise with our finances? Check. Rises early? Check. Is hard working? Check. Does the laundry? Check. Raises and builds relationships with children who are not his own? Check. Spends as much time as he can each day with us? Check. Makes us laugh? Check. Fills our hearts with love? All. The. Time. Boss really is the very best dad that ever did live, and I hope that as his family, we strive to honor him not only on Father's Day, but on every day of the year. Because he deserves it.

I never want to give the impression to others that our life is perfect. It is pretty great during this particular season, yes, but it is far from perfect. We don't have it all together, we are not always happy, our marriage has had some pretty big bumps. But I have never had one doubt in my heart about what an awesome dad Boss is. Not one single doubt. I often think that out of the two of us, he is the better parent. Our daughters adore him. He is wonderful at showing them the love and affection that they need. Their eyes light up when he is near, and they are loved well. They are secure in his arms. And watching Boss with his son? My heart melts, and I find myself falling for him again and again. And he thought he only knew how to be a daddy to little girls. :)

Boss, I love you. Thank you for investing in our family like you do. Thank you for leading us and striving to make our lives happy and good. Our three kids are super lucky to call you daddy. And I am lucky to call you mine. Happy Father's Day!

(I wrote this post awhile ago, on Father's Day, right after we returned from South Haven to be exact, but never hit publish! So here you have it. A tribute to the very best dad that ever lived, who just happens to be my husband!)

Our Story : The Final Chapter

*** Well, this is it my friends. The final installment that I will write about our love story. The truth is, I could write about our story forever. Every time that I think about it and recall all of the details of our brief courtship, I think of something else that I want to share with you here. More memories that I never want to forget. But it is time to move on. While I could seemingly get lost in all of the details of our beginning, the "middle" part of our life continues to go on all around me, and there are other life moments that I want to get back to recording in this space. For example, my sweet, chubby, squishy, cuddly, baby boy turns ONE a week from tomorrow (insert wailing Mama sob here)! I will never understand where the time goes, and I don't want to miss a thing. I hope you enjoy the final chapter of how our love came to be!***

After one wonderful week in Ohio, Boss and I returned home to Texas, bought our first kitten Franki, and picked right back up where we had left off. Life was very, very sweet during those days. I absolutely knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. There was not a doubt in my mind, and he had shared that he felt the very same way about me.

In the early days of November, Boss began to act a bit funny and I knew that something was up. For one, he told me that I was NOT allowed to check his email for him, which was a favorite past time of mine. And then there was the time that we were spending the weekend with my parents, and Boss and my dad kept having private conversations. That irritated me to no end. Back then, I felt the need to be involved in every conversation, and if I am being completely honest, not much has changed today :). One afternoon I called Boss' store to see when he was getting off, and they told me that he had already left for the day. So naturally I called his cell phone to see where he was, and he told me that he was still at work. Aha! I had caught him, and I immediately knew that he had a secret girlfriend that he was not telling me about. The only thing that I could not figure out was why he had been talking with my dad about his secret girlfriend. Traitor. It turns out though, that Boss was actually buying my engagement ring the afternoon that I caught him in his lie. And he was talking with my dad about proposing to me. And I could not check his emails, because I would see that he had begun to make payments to the jewelry store. So it all made perfect sense, after all. Thank goodness there was no secret girlfriend. She would have been insanely jealous of my ring.

Last November I recorded on these pages how Boss popped the question , so I won't repeat that story now, but I will say that with his ring on my finger I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. It was a dream come true, to know that someone loved me enough to want to share his entire lifetime with me. It was a dream come true, to know that that man was Boss. I didn't take my eyes off of my ring for weeks. Being newly engaged was everything that I dreamed of and more, but various people's reactions to our engagement was not.

Surprisingly enough, we had our entire families support. In the beginning, my parents were cautious about my interest in an older, newly divorced man, but their cautions quickly faded as they spent more and more time with him. By the time we were engaged (you know, a whole two months after we started dating ) they were completely okay with our decision to marry. Boss' family was supportive, too. They might have thought it all to be a little fast, but they were nothing but supportive of our choice and respectful of our decision. It was several of our friends who had negative things to say. I know their worry stemmed from concern that this was happening too quickly, but many of their words hurt. I was the happiest that I could ever remember feeling in my entire life, and I wanted those that I loved to be happy for me, too. I will admit that some of my joy was stolen away by their words. But they could not steal the love that was growing in my heart for Boss on a daily basis. Once I asked Boss what we could do to show all of the naysayers that this was the real deal. In his wisdom, he told me that the only thing that would show them that we were forever committed to each other was time. And here we are, almost nine years and three children later. I do believe it is finally safe to say, booyah naysayers! Ohh. That felt good :).

We decided to set the wedding date for May 31, 2003. That would give us six months to plan our special day. I even dropped out of college so that I could put all of my time and efforts into planning our wedding. (Gasp! I know, right? To any and all teenagers reading this, dropping out of college to plan your wedding is not wise. And don't worry. I went back to school soon after we were married, before I dropped out again once getting pregnant with Emma. What can I say? For me, dropping out had nothing to do with lacking brains. All I have simply ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother, so a degree and a career were not for me.)

I loved every single moment of planning my wedding to Boss. We chose to be married on the grounds of an old, southern Bed and Breakfast, so the decorations were minimal, but the surroundings simple and beautiful. My cousin's wife made all of the flowers. Cake tasting was awesome, and the one we selected rocked. My aunt, my mother, and I went shopping for my dress. We selected our bridesmaids and groomsmen (people who were important to us during that special season of our lives). We selected music that we loved. My sweet daddy hired a carriage to cart us from the ceremony to our country bar-b-que reception, complete with karaoke and all of our family and friends. If I had to plan it all over again, there is not one thing that I would change. (well, maybe one thing. I think I would have really loved having a first dance. I can just picture Boss and I swaying under the trees to Rascal Flatts The Broken Road. And since we wound up getting pregnant pretty darn fast after we were married anyway, it would not have mattered if I really had gotten pregnant from dancing with a boy, just like my grandpa had told me I would. Ha! Oh, I would have also changed the heat. It was hot as blue blazes that day, with a heat index of 106. Whew!) But seriously, it was the most romantic day of my life. On May 31, 2003 my life was forever changed. I became Mrs. Boss Zickafoose. Two lives were molded into one. Two hearts began sharing one dream.

So that is our story. Or really, it is God's story. I will always be amazed that he brought a small town Ohio boy and a big city Texas girl together in the heart of Aggie country. I will always be amazed at how he worked out all of the details, so that the two of us could transform our two separate lives into one life. I will always be amazed that he created another individual so perfectly for me. And I will always, always be thankful. Those first few months together were complete bliss. But since then,life, with its ups and downs, has also happened. The road we have traveled has not always been easy, but there is no one else on earth that I would rather travel with.

The End.

Our Story (Part 7)

So where was I? Oh, yes. Boss had just informed me that he wanted me to fly to Ohio with him to meet his family. Next week. Ahh! This was getting really serious, really fast. I determined that we were either crazy in love, or we were just plain crazy, and I hoped it was the first one. No, I knew it was the first one, so I said yes, I will go to Ohio with you. Like it was the most normal thing in the world to ditch my classes, hop on a plane, and fly to a state I had never been to with a man that I had only been dating for a month. But it felt right, so I agreed to go.

The first thing I did? I went shopping, of course. Meeting the parents required a whole new wardrobe. Not that there was anything wrong with my old wardrobe, it's just that it wasn't new. And a trip like this required new. I remember I wore a white button down shirt (very sophisticated and mature to impress his mother), jeans (hey, I am a Texas girl, there is no other form of leg attire), and brown boots with a three inch heel (no real reason for this choice, except for the fact that I was sure his family would like me better if I was taller) on the day we flew to meet his family. It was a very cute outfit, but a very bad choice for a day of travel. I was sweating up a storm and my feet were killing me before we had even boarded our first flight. The saying that love hurts had never rang more true. Being in love was literally hurting me that day. But I pressed on.

We reached the area surrounding the airport quite early, so Boss suggested that we have lunch at a nearby mall before we headed on over to catch our flight. I thought it was a superb idea, because my feet clearly needed to move more in my three inch heels. We grabbed a quick bite and then headed to a pet store to browse before we had to leave. Pet stores always made me depressed, and I never made it past the first cage of sweet little kittens in that particular shop. I could have stared at them for hours, but Boss startled me with his next words.

I think we need to get a cat together.

Huh? Come again? First you want me to meet your mother, and now we are going to raise a cat together? Should I remind you that you are newly divorced, you are five and a half years older than I am, and that we have only been dating for a month? Are you insane? (Of course I did not say all of those things. That would have been rude). Instead, I turned to smile at him, and meeting his eyes was all it took. While looking deep into his eyes, I would have agreed to raise five hundred cats with him if he had asked me too. Suddenly it sounded like a brilliant idea. The best idea in the world. So we agreed to buy a kitten the day we returned from our trip. And that was that.

Both flights to Ohio went smoothly. Back then I was not afraid of flying (now, some days I am afraid to cross the street. Becoming a mother has done something strange to my soul, and suddenly the world has become a much scarier place) and I was simply excited to spend the day with Boss, soaring high above the clouds. We talked a lot that day about trips we wanted to take, and where life might lead us. I made sure that everyone around us knew that he was my boyfriend, because to me it was the best news in the world and I wanted to share it with everyone that I saw. Others might have found me obnoxious, but if they did I did not notice. It was just my man and I on our way to Ohio to meet his family.

After we landed in Columbus I made a beeline for the nearest restroom so that I could brush my hair, reapply my lipstick, and wipe the excess sweat from my armpits. Just keeping it real. Meeting the family was quite a stressful ordeal for me, and when I am stressed I either sweat, rash, or throw up, so the sweating was actually preferable. It could have been much worse. After I deemed myself presentable, I mustered up my courage and we headed to meet his mom and his sister in baggage claim, and I am happy to report that they were both pleasant and completely normal :). I began to relax immediately. We grabbed our bags and hopped in the car for the hour drive to his parents home. I am not sure what I was expecting Ohio to look like, but what I saw was not it. It looked just like Texas, only more green with more hills. And there was not an Amish buggy in sight. That was a disappointment for sure.

An hour later we pulled up to his parents house (a charming little home in a charming little neighborhood) and I instantly felt at home from the moment that I walked in the door. It was a wonderful week, for sure. Boss' mom showed me pictures of Boss from when he was a baby, we visited his old college campus and spent an evening with his mentor (the same guy who brought him to the church I was attending in the first place), we went to the Pumpkin Show (festivals fast became my new favorite thing), and I met about a bazillion of his relatives. There are seriously that many. But I think the best part was getting to spend so much uninterrupted time with Boss. We talked, and we talked, and we talked. Late at night, after everyone else went to bed, we would sit up and talk. He told me more about his past and his first marriage, and everyone that I met reaffirmed what I was beginning to know for sure in my heart. That Boss was the real deal. That his divorce was not his fault, and there was nothing that he could have done to save his first marriage. He was genuine, hard working, loyal, and caring. And most importantly he was committed to Christ. By the time we left Ohio, I was head over heels in love with this man. For me, there was no turning back.

To Be Continued.

P.S. We did head to the animal shelter and pick out our kitten the day after we returned from our trip. We had wanted a male cat, so that we could name him Frank (after Frank Sinatra, because he sings our song, The Way You Look Tonight), but we ended up selecting a female kitten instead. I was walking past her cage to get to the cage that I was told held a brand new litter of tiny, fuzzy kittens, when out of no where a scrawny black paw swatted my arm. When we peered into her cage, she was the ugliest little kitten that we had ever seen. But we immediately knew that she was ours. She had chosen us. Since she was a girl we named her Franki with a heart dotted I, and she is still with us today. Our first, hairy, black baby. She lived with Boss until we were married, but she has really always been my girl. Shh. Don't tell. Boss thinks that she likes him best.

Our Story (Part 6)

On September 10, 2002, Boss and I went on our very first date. For the life of me, I cannot remember what either of us wore (odd, seeing as I remember so many other random details from this time in our lives). I do remember though, that my roommate curled my hair for me and that I was incredibly nervous and rashy. Spending time with Boss made me want to throw up. In a good way. But I was also excited and in love. For some reason that I cannot explain, I just knew that I was about to go on a date with the one that God had been preparing just for me. And that is an incredible feeling.

Boss was the perfect gentleman on our date. Who am I kidding? Even now, over eight years later, he still remains a gentleman. He picked me up right on time, he opened the car door for me every time I got in or out, and on the passenger seat of his car he had placed a single long stemmed yellow rose. He took me to Johnny Carrino's for dinner and we both ordered fettuccine alfredo. Neither of us ate more than a few bites :).

After dinner we stopped at the same park that we had met at several weeks before where he had shared his heart with me. But this time it was different. We were together. Beginning our lives together, and we both knew it. We both felt it. He grabbed my hand as we started walking, and my heart began to beat a little bit faster. His hand was strong and warm, and I did not want him to let go. I remember thinking that night that I wanted to hold his hand for the rest of my life.

After our walk through the park we headed back to my house and watched The Rookie. Well, the movie was on, but I didn't really watch it:). My eyes were fixed on the screen throughout the entire film, but I was not watching it. I was too busy wondering about what Boss was thinking. Did he like me as much as I liked him? Was my hand sweating too much as he held it in his? Was he bored? Was he going to kiss me for the first time tonight? Did my breath stink? These thoughts pounded my brain and even though I knew that he would be leaving once the movie ended, I was so glad when it was finally over! My brain could not take much more thinking. At the end of our date I walked Boss to the door, and he informed me that he was going to kiss me goodnight. He did. And it was wonderful. And then I went to the bathroom and threw up, because nothing says love like vomit :).

For the entire next month, Boss and I hung out together every single moment that he was not working. It is safe to say that my grades seriously began to suffer that semester once Boss entered my life. I went from studying sociology, to studying him. He was a much more fascinating subject and I wanted to learn everything that I could about him. I wanted to pass every single test. He made my heart happy and being with him was the only place that I wanted to be. We would go out to eat, walk at our park, hang out with our friends, take drives through the country, eat frozen custard, and fall more in love with each passing day. Boss often brought me gifts when he would pick me up for our dates, just little things to let me know that he had been thinking of me throughout his day, and he would flood my inbox with emails. I remember thinking... AGH! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! ONE I CAN CALL ANYTIME THAT I WANT! ONE THAT WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND SAYS SO! I don't believe that my face was ever without a smile during our first month together.

Sometime towards the end of the month, I took Boss down to meet my family. My Aunt Connie was having a birthday party for the September birthdays at her house and Boss offered to drive me there and go with me. We got lost on the hour drive to her home, but instead of being irritated with me for not writing down the directions like he had suggested :), he simply said he did not care how long it took us to get there as long as we were together (I might still like to remind him of this when we get lost or things take longer than we anticipated in our day to day life now).Needless to say, my family loved Boss, just like I knew they would. What's not to love?

Things were sailing along in our world and everything was going great. I couldn't remember ever feeling happier in my life. And then, after our one month anniversary, he told me that he wanted me to fly to Ohio with him to meet his family.

Oh sure, I thought. He had met my family. It only made sense that I meet his in the coming months.

So, when do you want to go to Ohio, I asked him. In January? After the holidays? That sounded like a reasonable time frame to me.

But his answer was different than I had expected. He looked me in the eye and asked, Are you free next week? I am pretty sure that I choked on my spit. This, my friends, was getting serious.

To Be Continued.

P.S. Remember that little detail about Boss moving to Austin at the end of September? Yeah, it never happened :). And that had nothing to do with him choosing to stay for me. The day he was to fax over his new lease agreement, he got a call from Corporate saying that the transfer was not going to happen and that at this time he was to stay put. A mere coincidence? I think not :).

Our Story (Part 5)

** For parts 1 through 4, see posts below.**

During the last several days of August, and into the first days of September, Boss and I hung out together as much as we possibly could. If there was a group activity, we were there. We went out with our friends to several restaurants, we went bowling, and we went to an Aggie football game. I even went to his store to buy tennis shoes from him. You know, because I needed new tennis shoes. Seriously. I did. We also talked on the phone. Every single night. My feelings were growing for Boss with each passing day. Sometimes it felt as if my heart would burst from emotion. But still, we waited. Praying all the while that God was working things out "behind the scenes". I never should have doubted that he was, in a way that was even better than I ever could have imagined.

September 9th, 2002 was a Wednesday. I saw Boss at church services that night, and as he walked me out to my car after service had ended he said that he had a gift for me. He grabbed my present out of his car, and told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands. When I opened them, he had placed a beautiful silver blue and cream journal in them. I opened the journal up to the first page, and on it he had written me a sweet note. He said that he noticed that I liked to write and take notes, and that he hoped he would get the privilege of watching me take notes for a very long time. He said that I encouraged him, and that he loved being around me. His words touched my heart. I was not used to receiving affection so openly from a man. All I had ever really experienced before Boss was games. That journal, and the words that he had written inside, was the most thoughtful gift that I had ever received. I timidly looked up at him and told him I was worried that we would never get to be together like we wanted to be together. That he was never going to be free to move on with his life.

And then he said the most beautiful words that my ears had been aching to hear. He asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him the very next night.

What? A date? I thought we agreed that we would not date until the divorce was final! What did he mean, did I want to go on a date? Did he mean a date, date? These thoughts all came rushing out of my mouth at once. Finally, he told me to be quiet so that he could answer my questions :).He informed me that he had finally gotten a court date to finalize his divorce for the very next morning. After waiting for nine months, he had finally gotten his court date for September 10th, and he wanted to take me out that night to celebrate. In case you were wondering, I said yes. :)

Later that night I was scanning through the journal that he had given me, rereading his words, and thinking about our future together. I was excited to see it unfold, to see it come alive, much like the words that I would soon pen to the page. Our story was finally beginning. And then my eye caught a glimpse of some words about halfway through the journal, as I was thumbing through the pages. I found the page that I had seen, and on it Boss had written me another sweet message. The words read:

Hi Kendra...

I wonder what today is? It is September 9ht right now. Whatever today is, I hope that you had a good day. If not, I hope that coming across these words brought a smile to your face, which I might think is quite cute..... No matter when you are reading this, or how much time has passed, I hope to see you soon!

- Ben

And that was when I knew that I was in love. And that this was real. Boss was supposed to be moving away soon, but I no longer cared about the details. I knew that God would work it all out. And I knew that Boss really did care about me. After all, he had no way of knowing when I would have read those words in the middle of the journal. If I had written one page every single day, and not skipped ahead, it would have taken me months to reach the middle pages. And yet he still wrote that he hoped to see me soon. That meant that he hoped he was still part of my life in the months to come. And that felt good. I went to sleep that night a happy girl. Happy, and in love, thanking God for bringing Boss my way. He was more than I ever could have dreamed of.

To Be Continued.

Our Story (Part 4)

**For previous entry's about our love story, see below.**

I already shared with you that by the middle of August, after really only getting to know him for about two weeks, I was smitten with the man whom I now lovingly call Boss. (Yes, I even call him that in real life. It's our thang.) One Sunday night after service, I began talking to the preacher's wife about my growing feelings (she really was the cutest little lady that you ever did see, and she still is). She said it was no surprise to her, because she could see that I was glowing. After watching me struggle in a relationship for so long that was not working, she said she was glad to see me so happy. And then she said that she had good news :). Apparently that morning she and her husband had been talking with Boss and he had shared with her that he was interested in me! And he wanted to know what they thought about him one day pursuing me. Ahh! On the same day that I professed my feelings about Boss to someone else, he confessed his own growing feelings to the exact same person. To say that I squealed with delight would be an understatement. I was ecstatic! The preacher's wife and I squealed for several minutes (I might have even jumped up and down), before regaining composure and acting like the sophisticated ladies that we were.

The next night I went to a back to school cook out at a young couples house from church. The entire congregation was invited. I hoped that Boss was going to be there, but I had no way of knowing if he was working that night or not. Of course I bought a new shirt, just in case he showed, and it was a good thing that I did. (My poor daddy funded many new shirts during this season of my life.) Shortly after I arrived, Boss walked in. It was a fun night! Boss flirted with me (subtly, of course), and I giggled and rashed like a school girl. I was nothing if not smooth. If he did not love me before, he was sure to love me now. As the evening was coming to an end, "somehow" Boss and I wound up walking out to our cars at the exact same time, and surprisingly (or not surprising at all) no one else was out there. I think we had been set up :). He walked me to my car door and we awkwardly stood there, smiling at each other for several seconds (or was it minutes? With him, I found myself losing track of time), before he stumbled all over his words and asked me if maybe could he get my phone number? Of course I said yes, and he punched it into his cell phone before we both hurriedly got into our cars and drove our separate ways. Turns out, smooth we were not. But happy, we were. I had no idea when he was going to call, but I could not wait!

I did not have to wait long. The next afternoon my phone rang right as I was coming in the door from class. I grabbed it, breathless, and it was him. My knees went week. He said that he was calling to ask me to meet him at a park that was close to my house. I asked him when he wanted to meet. He said, how about in fifteen minutes? Wow! A man who did not play games! He knew what he wanted and he went for it. I liked that. I negotiated for thirty minutes (so I could change into a new shirt and brush my teeth), and then I headed to the park. He was already waiting there for me when I arrived.We both exited our cars and began to walk. We walked for several minutes before he said anything to me at all. But it was okay, because I liked his company. It did not feel like work to be with him. It was comfortable. Even though I was nervous and felt like I was going to throw up. In a good way.

Finally, he started talking, and he did not beat around the bush. He told me that he liked me, that he was interested in starting a relationship with me, but that he had to be very honest with me about something up front. I was not prepared for what he would share next. He told me that he was actually still married, but that he was in the final process of completing his divorce. Huh? Come again? Never in a million years was that what I thought he was going to say! My first question to him, does the preacher's wife know?? I knew there was no way that she would have tried to set me up with a married man if she had known! I was stunned when he told me that yes, she knew. Of course I tried to keep my cool while he was talking, but my mind was reeling, so I just listened.

He told me that they had married young. He was only twenty and she eighteen. He told me that she had not been a Christian when they had gotten married, and that he had been advised not to marry her, but that he had done it anyway. He said that they had been happy for the first two years. She had become a Christian, and they had been happy. But then she started staying out later, or not coming home at all. And he soon found out that she was cheating on him. That she was drinking and using drugs. That she had not only abandoned her new love of Christ, but that she had also abandoned him and their marriage vows. His heart was broken. Since college was coming to a close for him, he decided to accept a job offer in Arizona, and she agreed to come along. He wanted to leave everything behind and start over in their marriage. He was hopeful, he said. But it was not meant to be. Life in Arizona was no different with her. She was still cheating. Still doing drugs. It was a new crowd, but she was still acting like the person she had become back in Ohio. He was crushed.

Soon Boss accepted a new job with Champs Sports. I will forever be grateful that he made that decision, because that is how he landed himself in College Station, Texas, of all places. He took over the store there. His wife followed him, mainly because she had no money without him, but it was clear that their marriage was over. And he began the process of starting the divorce. He knew that God hated divorce, and he felt ashamed, but he also knew that it was in fact a scriptural divorce, and he hoped that he would one day get a second chance at having a godly marriage.He said he had never felt more alone in his life. This was the dark season that he had been going through. This was what he had been wrestling with God about. Hers was the picture that he had used to carry in his Bible. It all made sense to me now, and my heart broke for him. I instantly knew that I wanted to be the one that would make him smile again. I wanted to be the one that made him take a second chance on love.

I thanked him for being brave enough to share his story with me. He asked me if I was still interested, and told me that he understood if I wasn't. I told him I was. But we both agreed that we would not take things any further until his divorce was finalized, and we had no idea how long that would take. Sometimes those things drug on forever, he said. But we agreed to wait, because even though his marriage had been over for a year, and even though they had not lived together for longer, he was still technically married. So he still belonged to someone else. We did go to dinner together that night, the last thing that we agreed we would do alone, before he was free to date once again. Any other time that we spent together would be in a group setting. When I left the restaurant that night my heart was a bit heavy. I knew in my heart that he was the one for me. My Mr. Right, the one that I had been waiting for, and now I was going to have to wait even longer.

To Be Continued.

Our Story (Part 3)

*For the first two entry's of our story, see posts below*

Eventually that second semester of my sophomore year of college came to an end, and soon it was summer of 2002. I was supposed to be taking off on a mission trip to Russia that summer, with my "friend" and a group of other college kids, to teach English at a camp for children. I had gone on this same trip the previous summer, and it was wonderful. I grew a lot in the Lord that summer, and the children of Russia held a special place in my heart. But I realized that it was not meant to be for me to head back there this particular summer. I had some personal things going on in my life during that time (another story for another day), and my parents and I decided that I would head to Arizona, instead.

That was a hard decision for me to make. For one, I did not like that I was backing out of a commitment I had made to the Russia trip. Two, I was headed to Arizona for what I thought at the time would be the worst summer of my life (I was oh, so very wrong). And last of all, my "friend" would still be going on the Russia trip. Without me. But somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that it was time to let go. I knew in a way, that by us going our separate ways that summer, that we were somehow telling each other goodbye. To be honest, it broke my heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do. We had been working far too hard, for far too long, at something that was not meant to be. For either of us. And I was losing myself in the process. So I bit the bullet, mustered up what little courage I had left, and we headed our separate ways.

That summer in Arizona ended up being the best summer of my life, pre-marriage years, of course. It was a time of healing for me. A time to rediscover who I was. I made wonderful girlfriends that lasted for a wonderful season in my life. I became bold and confident in who I was, and the plans that God had for me in my life. No matter what they were. I remember going hiking with a friend one sunny afternoon. All of a sudden we came upon a breathtaking view, and instantly my thoughts flew to Boss. At the time, I was not sure where thoughts of him had come from, but it seemed to fit the moment. My "friend" and I still talked occasionally on the phone that summer, but I could feel my heart beginning to heal. It was no longer painful to talk to him, but not be with him. I knew that I had officially moved on.

When July came to a close, on my 20th birthday to be exact, I bid my Arizona friends goodbye and boarded a plane to head back to Texas. I was excited about starting over. I spent one week with my family, and then I headed back to school, even though classes would not be starting for another month. I returned to College Station on a Sunday afternoon and headed up to church service that night. There were not many college kids back yet, and very few people filled the pews that night (we were in our own building by then), but as I looked around, my eyes landed on the back of a familiar head. A very nice, dark head. A head with a neck covered with lots of tiny freckles. Boss was back. And I was, too.

After service that night the few of us young people that were there went out to eat at Fudruckers. Boss came too, and I got to have a lengthy conversation with him for the very first time. He talked about his first love, Ohio State football, and he told me about growing up in a small Ohio town. He told me about where he went to college, and I was surprised to learn that someone as young as he was already had his Master's degree. He told me about his work as a Manager for Champs Sports. I thought everything he said was brilliant. It was a very good night.

For the next two weeks I lived for church services so that I would get to see Boss. He was a regular now, after several months of sporadic attendance, and I learned that he had been a regular all summer. Even while the majority of the young people were gone, he had continued to show up. That impressed me, and it was evident that he had worked out whatever he had been wrestling over with God. Another thing I noticed? The picture that he carried in his Bible of that girl was gone. It seemed he had finally moved on from that dark season of his life. Funny timing, because I had moved on from my dark season, as well.

By the middle of August, I was quite smitten. Even though I had learned that Boss was supposed to be transferring to a store in Austin within the next month, I could not help myself. There was just something about him. Besides the fact that he smelled delicious, he made me feel like no one else ever had. When I talked to him, he listened, and seemed genuinely interested. Where I was loud and sarcastic, he was quiet and sincere. We balanced each other nicely. I knew it was crazy to have fallen so hard, so fast, and sometimes I wondered if I had learned anything at all that summer. But there was one thing that I had in my new found love interest that I had never experienced before, and that was peace. I knew that no matter what happened, ,whether he moved or stayed, it was all going to work out just as it should. And I ultimately knew that whether he chose me, picked me over anyone else, or not, that I was going to be okay. And that felt good.

To Be continued.

Our Story (Part 2)

*** For the first part of our story, see post below.***

The next morning I awoke still feeling quite sad. It was a brand new day, but my heart and my attitude did not feel brand new. I still felt sad, and tired, and lonely. The only plan I had ever made for my life was to be a wife and then one day a mother. Nothing else interested me. Nothing else mattered. I did not want a career. The scary part was that my dream had to involve a man picking me, choosing me over anyone else, and that was completely out of my control. I desperately wanted God's peace about the situation. I was just afraid that I would not like His final answer.

I seriously contemplated not attending worship services that morning. To be honest, I was kind of grumpy with God. I was not in the mood to plaster on a fake smile and pretend to be a carefree college girl. And besides, my "friend" was not going to be there, because he was still camping (little did I know, that was all part of God's plan). I stayed in bed for a few more minutes, wrestling with my heart about what I should do. In the end, I decided to get up and get going. I knew if I didn't show up I would have half the group of college kids from church pounding at my door after services to see why I was not there or if I needed something (they were all pretty great like that).

Since it was the Sunday before Valentines day, I remember that I dressed in a little black and red skirt (little in size, not length, because I was in fact little back then. I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank my three children, Coke-a-Cola Classic, and those beautiful golden arches for making me the size person that I am today), a black top, and strappy black sandals. And then I headed out the door.

Once I got to the Hilton, my attitude did begin to lift a tiny bit. There was just something special about the people that gathered in that tiny little conference room, and as depressed as I was, I could not be anything but happy to be seeing all of those people soon. And besides, my mom's words from the night before were still ringing in my ears, you never know who will walk through that door. Since I was running a bit late (you know, because of the very important pity party I was having earlier in my bed) service had already started, so I slid quietly into a chair next to my friend Jeana. I began looking around the room at all of the faces gathered there. All of the usuals were accounted for. Some very dear people to me. And while I could not deny that I had been hoping that my mom would have been right, that we might have had some visitors that day, oddly I was at peace, and I began to focus on the words to the song that we were singing. And that's when I heard the doors to the little conference room open behind me.

I am pretty sure that the entire room of people turned around to see who was entering the room (again, we did not get many new faces and all of the usuals were accounted for), but I am probably the only one who remembers that particular day or the visitors we had. For that was the very first time that I laid eyes on Boss. And he took my breath away. Three men (yes, they were men not boys. I noticed that right away. I would later find out that Boss was five and a half years older than I was) walked into the conference room that Sunday morning, but I only had eyes for one. Good thing, too, because I would later notice that the other two men were sporting wedding rings :).

By this time the service had picked right back up, and Boss had slid into the chair directly in front of me. I noticed that he was wearing a plaid button down shirt, green cargo pants, and Doc Martins. And I noticed that he smelled good. And that he had a lot of tiny freckles covering the back of his neck. They were very nice freckles. And then I decided that I had better get my mind focused on the service once again, though I might have stolen another peek or two at his adorable freckles.

After service ended, I learned that the guy with the freckles had a name. It was a very nice name, that just happened to sound good combined with mine, if I did say so myself. And I learned that out of the three men, Boss was the only one who lived in College Station. Thank goodness for me! The other two men were his brother and his mentor/friend, and they were visiting from Ohio. (Later on I would learn that during this time, Boss was going through quite a dark period in his life, and his brother and friend were there to encourage him and to get him back on track with God. It was his friend who suggested they attend the little church that met in the Hilton that morning. So very glad that he did!) Lastly, I learned that Boss was not a student, but he was instead working in the area as a Manager for Champs Sports. An older, working man. I liked that.

Some of the college kids asked if the three visitors wanted to join us for lunch at Fajita Rita's (a Mexican joint), and they accepted. I wound up getting to sit right next to Boss throughout the entire meal. (See? Part of God's plan. Had my "friend" been in town, I would have sat right next to him, and Boss would have assumed we were a couple, as that is what everyone always assumed.Our relationship was not easily explained.) We didn't talk much, even though there were definite sparks, but I noticed everything that he said and did. He ordered Root Beer to drink. He had kind, shy eyes. He paid for the entire tables meals. He said that he would be back that night. Needless to say, I went home a very happy girl. Well, I went home a happy girl after I went to the mall and bought a new shirt to wear to service that night. And then I called my mom to tell her the good news, that we had visitors that morning, and that one of the visitors was cute. And she was nice enough not to say, I told you so. Boss did come back to services that night. And he told me that he liked my shirt :). See dad? That money I spent was totally worth it.

Over the next three months Boss would sporadically show up at services. He would be there several weeks in a row, and then he would disappear for awhile. Occasionally I would go and stalk him at his store in the mall. He was always polite when we would talk, always remembering my name, but always keeping his distance. During this time I was on again with my "friend", but Boss was never far from my mind. I would think about him, my special visitor that I believed God had sent just for me to remind me to keep my hope alive. I did not really think that Boss was my Mr. Right. In fact, one time I caught him looking at a picture of another girl that he carried in his Bible, and I assumed his heart belonged to someone else. But to me, he represented hope. Hope that you never knew who was going to walk right through a door and into your life. Hope that the Master Weaver was still up there at work, weaving people in and out of our lives, and you would never know when He was going to weave in the "one". Yes, Boss was my message of hope. My very cute, very studly, message of hope.

To Be Continued.

Our Story (Part 1)

*** Nine years ago today, I met my husband for the very first time. At that time I didn't know that he was going to be my husband, but I did know that I thought he was quite good looking (read super hot), and that he made me rashy. All very good things. Seeing as we are currently celebrating the month of love, I thought it would be a good time to record the story of how we met and married on the pages here. Sometimes I want there to be more romance, more time together. Sometimes I wish that we never argued, or that we had done this or that differently. Sometimes I wish I still looked like we did when we first met. (Okay. I always wish that.) Sometimes I forget about how we came to be, as after nine years together it sort of begins to feel like we have always been. But when I take the time to stop and think about how God brought a small town Southern Ohio boy and a big city Texas girl together in the middle of Aggie Country (Whoop!), at a Hilton hotel of all places, I get chills. Our story is not one without bumps along the way. It is not perfect. But it is a great story, because it is ours. And we are definitely planning on living happily ever after. ***

With the telling of every good story, I believe that one must start at the beginning. I won't start at the very beginning, mind you, as I want to spare you the details of how my mother thought she was peeing on herself for a few hours before she realized she was in labor with me a month early (you can thank me later), but I will start with letting you know that I have always known that I wanted to get married. Always. Some people know that they enjoy the party lifestyle. Some people know that they would be better off being single. But not me. My heart was meant for marriage. When I was a young child and I had to sleep upstairs in a room all by myself, I did not long for a sister to share my room with me. I longed for a husband. That's right. I was a scrawny little eight year old who dreamed of my wedding day, so that I would no longer have to sleep alone. And my yearning to be married only grew with each passing year.

Back in my day, boys and girls started "going out" in the second grade. Seriously. All that really meant was that they would hold hands on the bus or on the playground, and that they would pass notes with 'I Love You's' back and forth. Now that my own daughter will be in the second grade next year, that behavior appauls me. No stinky boy had better lay a hand on my baby girl! Besides, she is going to marry her daddy. Ahem. But boy/girl relationships were thrust into my world at a very young age. In sixth grade I remember wanting a boyfriend so badly that I made one up. I named him Cody. We talked on the phone every single night. It's true. So very embarassing and sad, but true. And in junior high, my feelings of wanting a boy to love me only grew stronger. Again, not proud of how desperately I wanted affection during that time in my life, but I am just keeping it real.

I got my first boyfriend when I was sixteen. I sure thought he was a hunk. (Yes, we used the word hunk back then. We also used the words rad, chuck, and dude.) We "dated" for a couple of months and he was my very first kiss. He dumped me on Valentines day when he realized that I was never going to give him what he wanted. I was crushed. The next boy that I dated was a nicer fellow. He took me out to dinner a few times, took me for rides in his truck, and then he left for college. Bummer. Again, I was crushed. My last high school boyfriend was a bad boy. I am pretty sure my mother cried during the whole five months that we dated. I thank God that I was able to keep myself pure during the months that we were together, even though that is not what he wanted. And then I left for college. (Insert side note: My experiences with high school boyfriends, from my church youth group no less, are some of the reasons that I home school my children and plan on locking them in the basement until they are thirty. Or maybe forty. Or possibly forever and ever. Amen.)

College was a wonderful time for me. While I fully admit that I am one of those girls who attended college to get her Mrs. degree (aren't you glad to know that I graduated with honors?), I gained so much more from my college years than simply finding a husband. I was able to leave most of the insecurities and impurities that littered the halls of the highschool I attended behind, and I embarked on a new journey. I surrounded myself with Christian friends, friends with the same values that I had, went on mission trips, and figured out more about the person that God had created me to be along the way. My longing for a husband though, was still very much there.

My first college boyfriend was named Kenny. Wouldn't that have been cute? (Not.) Kenny and Kendra. Wow. Thank goodness that relationship did not pan out. I realized that good old Kenny was not the one when I figured out that his idea of a good date was to drive me to a creek underneath a highway overpass, so that I could sit and watch him fish in said creek. For several hours. Poor, poor Kenny. I sure do hope he has found himself a fish loving woman, because while he did have a very nice truck, he was not the one for me.

Shortly after Kenny, I met a boy who I truly thought was the one for me. We never technically dated. We were only ever "friends", but it was a relationship that consumed the better part of two years of my life. And while looking back I am so thankful that God spared us from ever getting involved with each other romantically (as he was clearly not the one God intended me for), those were sometimes very dark and emotional days for me. I was trying day after day to be something I was not. I tried to change myself to fit into the mold that I knew that my friend was looking for in a future wife. I felt more and more alone on the inside, but it was a relationship that I could not seem to get out of. One day we would be working towards maybe, slightly, a tiny future together, and the next day we were back to being just friends. I criend many tears over this boy. But it was also during this time that I began to draw closer to God. College was coming to an end for many of my friends, couples were starting to pair up, weddings were happening, and I was feeling more and more alone. I leaned on God like never before.

I began to wrestle with God about his plans for my life. Did He wish for me to remain single forever? Was marriage not in His plan for me? But if marriage was not in His plans, then why were my desires so strong? I began to earnestly pray about and for the partner that I hoped and prayed God was preparing just for me. I started a journal of love notes to my future husband before I even knew his name. I tried my best to daily turn my life over to God and His timing. And though there were still many questions and tears, I can honestly say that I began to find bits and pieces of peace and trust forming in my soul.

I remember clearly the night before I met Boss for the very first time. It was a Saturday night, and I was home early. My on again, off again "friend" was out of town on a guy's camping trip, and I was feeling sad. I was sitting on top of my worn white comforter, on my twin bed, in a tiny little house that I shared with two friends. I was talking on the phone with my mom. I had been for a couple of hours, and by the time we were nearing the end of our conversation I was crying. I asked my mom what I would do if God never brought someone into my life that He intended to be just for me. Someone that loved me for who I was. That didn't want to change me. And you know what my mom said? She said, "Sweetheart, do not lose faith. Do not quit hoping. He will bring your special someone into your life at just the right moment. For all you know, your Mr. Right could walk right through those church doors tomorrow morning." I didn't believe her, but I felt better as I got off the phone.

At the time I was attending worship services each week with about forty other Christians in a small conference room at the Hilton. Needless to say, we hardly ever got visitors, so I was certain that my Mr. Right was NOT going to be walking through those church doors the very next morning, but I went to sleep that night dreaming about how wonderful it would be if he actually did. Little did I know that my dreams were about to come true.......

To Be Continued.

Love

Happy month of love, sweet friends! Valentines has never been "big" on my list of holidays, but this year I have decided to try and live it up, because, well, I LOVE love. I really and truly LOVE love. I love nothing better than watching a sappy chick flick about love, listening to music about love, or reading a good love story. All of the above make my heart pitter patter and my eyes mist with tears. I think love is amazing and beautiful, and this year I have decided to celebrate big.

Yesterday, I bribed one of the big girls to take down the remaining outside Christmas lights (yes, they were still up, and yes, it was cold), so that I could put up a cute little welcome sign made out of hearts by our front door. Then today, the girls (my little ones) and I decorated our dining room table for the month of love. And to top it all off, we made crayon valentines to hang in the windows. Quite a good start to February, if I do say so myself!

What else do I have in store for this month? Well, the big girls and I plan on watching every chick flick we can between now and the 14th, my littles girls and I plan on making homemade Valentines for those that we love, I plan on serving a special meal on the actual day of love, and I also plan on journaling here (over the next several days) my own personal love story with Boss (my forever Valentine). It is a good story! Scratch that. Our love story is a great one!

So happy month of love, sweet friends. While I certainly do not believe love should be celebrated only one month a year, I think it will be wonderful to concentrate specifically on the blessings of love that I have in my life over this next month, and I encourage you to do the same!

A Birthday for Boss

Yesterday, Boss had a birthday. His 34th, to be exact. This year he adopted my tradition of celebrating a birthday "week", so it is safe to say that he has been loved and celebrated well! The girls and I decided that we would do something special for him on each day of the week leading up to his birthday. One day we brought him lunch at the school. Another day we packed him a special lunch. Two different days we gifted him with small presents that he had been wanting, as well as tickets to see Rascal Flatts in concert in a couple of weeks. On Saturday, Boss and I went on a date, and we shopped at all kinds of man stores so that he could spend his Christmas and birthday gift cards. Yesterday, he took a day off of work, and he and I went to lunch, we had pizza and cake for supper (and the girls went all out decorating the table with streamers, confetti, poms, feathers, and personalized place mats), and then some lovely friends came over for a round of cards.... and Boss won! Ha! And that has not happened since the night that I went into labor with Jack. He just must be lucky on birthdays :). And then today, the weather man gifted Boss with a belated gift of a snow day, and after a breakfast out with a good friend and an afternoon nap, he has been pulling children around on their sleds and snow boards tied to the back of our golf cart all afternoon. Such complete fun!

Happy Birthday, Boss. I fall more in love with you every single year.