time marches on

Y'all. It's been too long.

Moving was hard. Settling in was even harder. But I can honestly come to this space now, nearly four months later, and tell you that life is good. So, so good. We still miss our Ohio friends and family something fierce and those rolling hills will always hold a piece of our hearts, but Kansas is now home. And I LOVE that our family of friends is expanding and there is not much cooler than looking at a map and seeing all of the different dots that represent people and places that we love. I never in a million years dreamed that Wichita would be one of our dots, but God did and I fully believe that he has been preparing us for this time and place for years.

Our family just returned from a life changing experience, also known as Tulsa Workshop. Never in my entire life have I ever seen so many Christians gathered in one place. The singing.... there are not words to describe it, except to say that I felt a tiny thrill at the thought of what it will perhaps sound like when we all finally gather in heaven before the throne of God. It was amazing. And the speakers were inspiring, encouraging us to count the cost that is following Christ, but reminding us that there is no greater calling than to live our lives for him. But my favorite part? My most favorite part was walking amongst all of the booths representing different organizations from around the world that are committed to furthering the message and the love of Christ. Carpenter Place had a booth set up and Boss did a fabulous job of sharing his passion for what he does with others. There were also booths for disaster relief, and baby houses in Africa, and Adventures in Missions, and really, too many passions and callings were represented to name them all. There is nothing I love more than people who are following Christ, and within those bounds, following their own passions and dreams. It's beautiful to me, and it reaffirms that we are all here with different strengths and different callings, but for one purpose: to point to him in all we do. It was a great weekend and one that will be filling my soul in the weeks to come.

This coming Wednesday we will pack up our crew once more and head to Ohio for CCFSA's annual children's home conference. To say I am thrilled that Mid Western Children's Home is hosting the conference this year would be an understatement. I often want to pinch myself to make sure that this new life we are living is real. But it feels good and it feels right and I am excited to see what God has in store for our family in the months to come.

Did you know that our oldest son turned four last week? Oh yes, he did. Sometimes, when I am tired, I think about what life would be like if we had stopped having children after the girls. Can I admit this? There would be no more diapers and no more bottles. And no one would need help buckling their seat belt and we would all sleep blissfully through the night. Sicknesses would not hang around our home as long, with fewer people to pass the germs too, and sometimes Satan tries to convince my tired self that this big family idea is a crazy one. But then God gently reminds me that children were his idea in the first place, and if we had never had the boys then there would be less laughter in our home and far fewer kisses. I would not have a little gentleman who loves to open doors for 'his girls' and who dances with me in the kitchen when one of my favorite songs comes on. There would not be superheroes flying around my living room at any given hour of the day and I would never step on Lego's or Matchbox cars. Without my sons, life would be less loud and joyful and full, and I am forever thankful that four years ago God saw fit to make me a boy mama for the first time.

What else? Boss is working long hours, but when you are following your heart it never really feels much like work. The girls are happy. They are in ice skating and Kate is playing soccer for the YMCA (that's a cool story in and of itself that I will have to share sometime, reminding me once more that God is in the details). Luke has finally started crawling and it's pretty stinking adorable. Always needing to do things in his own way and in his own time, Luke has his own little way of getting around. He crawls with both of his hands and his left knee, but he drags his right leg along like a little gimp. He is the best and I often times find myself wanting to smooch him all over. I still dream of more babies filling our home, but only God knows how our baby story will wind up, and for the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am content with letting him write our story however he sees fit. (As if he needed me to say that. Ha.)

So that's what we have been up to.... in a nutshell. Sometimes our days are full, sometimes they are slow. Sometimes we do school, sometimes we don't and opt for real life learning over the workbooks. Sometimes we are positive and hopeful, and sometimes we are weary and tired. But we are always trusting that God has a plan and that he is worthy to hold the pen in the writing of our family story. Thank you, as always, for sharing in our lives.

settling in

So. We moved.

We actually did it. Two months ago our family pulled away from our beloved Ohio hills and we now call the great plains of Kansas home. It has been an adventure, for sure. This jumping and trusting that God will catch you is not for the faint of heart. Tears have been shed, loneliness endured, and a general stretching has been felt by each person in our family. The first week we were here, I would rise early each morning with a pounding heart. The darkness would surround and I would wonder what in the world we had just done. What were we thinking to leave our family, our community, our safety net behind? But deep breaths and long talks with Boss helped to ease the pain and the fear deep within. And prayer. Prayer sustained me those dark mornings and I wondered once more where people who do not know God find comfort. Because amidst all of the change, my relationship with God and my family are my forever constants.

But other things (namely ice cream, ahem) helped, too. In a place totally new I can still hang a familiar picture on a wall and feel at home. I can walk into a church building, sit on pews and sing songs and read scripture that I know, and feel at home. I can still go to Target, order a tall Chai tea with soy, and browse the isles and feel at home. Because (in our family) home is more of a feeling within. Home is traditions, and comfort foods, and discussions with those that you love, more than it will ever be a particular place. This I am learning.

So that is what these past two months have been. A slowing down, an embracing of our more quiet days, a strengthening of our dependence on God and each other. And as we are slowly beginning to leave the moving fog behind, I can honestly see that though the process has been hard, it has also been good. And I am still confident that being right here in the center of the United States, has put our family directly in the center of God's will for our lives in this particular season.

You should know that Boss is perhaps the happiest I have ever seen him. He is more energized, more full of life, and more excited about how he now spends his days than ever before. It's amazing how dreams realized can inspire a person towards greatness! Sometimes we pinch ourselves to make sure we are not still dreaming, and then we smile because we remember that this new life is our real life. And we thank God for the blessings. The children have made some new friends and are hopeful for more to come. Each new week brings more smiles and fewer tears. Every Tuesday afternoon the three big kids lace up ice skates and head to the rink for lessons. We figured a bold new move required being bold and trying our hand at a brand new skill! I am so proud of how my children, despite their sadness at saying goodbye to the old, are embracing the new and are discovering more of who God has created them to be in the process.

I count my children as one of my greatest blessings in this life and I am most thankful for the closeness and the amount of time we have spent together as of late. Our lives were good in Ohio, but they were busy. And sometimes, amidst the crazy busy of all things good, it is so easy to lose sight of what matters most. But our new, quiet days are bringing us back to the very best, and that is time spent together. I am sure as the months pass and our lives and connections here begin to expand, the busy will creep back in, but for now I am thanking God for this current quiet season we are in.

As for me? I am enjoying lazy mornings with a warm blanket curled around and a big mug of coffee in hand. Having no place to go most days has done wonders for the stress the last decade of being a grown up had brought into my life, and I am enjoying my mornings with my children like never before. I am loving taking the time to stare at my tiny baby who is growing bigger. We practice standing, and crawling, and we laugh and clap hands. Clapping is a new favorite. My little guy has finally gotten his first tooth, and I am trying to relish it all.... the daily small things that so often go unnoticed in the busyness of a full life. We still do school around the table each day, and there is more time for explaining long division and reading aloud. I must confess that I have felt burn out on the teaching front, but as of this last week, we seem to have found our groove once more.

The move has been hard, but it has also been good. A clean slate, if you will. A chance to slow down, regroup, and press on towards those things that are most important. I just wanted to let you all know that we are still here and all is well. We are settling in to this new life we are living and we thank God daily for directing our steps.

darling daughters

(Sisters. Best Friends.)

My darling daughters. It's late. I should be sleeping, but I cannot rest. My heart is sad, because your hearts are sad, and it's a fact that mama's hurt when their babies hurt. In three days we pull away from the only place you have both ever known as home, and tears are falling daily at the thought of saying goodbye to all that you love. To all that is comfortable and familiar to you.To all that has made you, you. And it's scary.

And my secret is that I'm scared, too.

I have NO idea if we have made the right decision. All I know is that I see God's hand everywhere, and I felt more pain at the thought of saying 'no' to God, than I did when I thought of saying goodbye. So we go, and it feels like your lives are over, but I promise you that they are not. In fact, your lives are really just beginning. In Ohio your roots dug in deep, grounding you to your God and to our family. But in Kansas? In Kansas, I pray that you learn to fly.

Because here's the thing.

You're still you. No matter where you go, you are still you and we are still us. And God is already there, so what is there to fear? And even though it looks like nothing good could possibly come of the next three days, when you feel despair my darling daughters, I want you to remember the cross. Remember that once the entire world lost hope, too. And when it seemed like everything was darker than dark, really, the miracle was just beginning. Because on the third day, Christ ROSE from the dead! And it was nothing the world could have ever imagined, but it was EXACTLY what this broken world needed. It took death for the new life to come, and it's the same for us. We are saying goodbye to the old, so that God can create something new. But we have to go all in. No holding back. We must give our all, if we desire God's hand to be over all.

And I am thankful, my darling daughters, that God gave you the gift of each other. The road is so much more bearable if we do not have to travel it alone. Lean on each other. Support each other. Make each other laugh when you only feel like crying. And when you think you might have lost your way, just reach out your hand. Your sister will be there to grab on tight.

Girls. Remember where you came from. Remember the people that you love, this place that you love. Store the memories up in your heart. Memories of porch times and frog catching, learning to ride your bikes around and around the circle and cookie baking with the big girls. But remember to leave room for new people and new places, too. I promise you that your heart is big enough to hold it all, both the old and the new. Remember that God KNOWS the plans that He has for your life and remember that God is good. He can be nothing else.

My darling daughters, a new chapter is beginning. And with this new chapter comes a new setting, a new cast of characters. But your story remains the same. God is only adding to it, making it more rich, and more beautiful, and more vibrant than the chapter before. One day you will have the pleasure of looking back and seeing how God has woven your story together, page after page, but today is not that day. So today we just grab hands, and press on. And we remember that the miracle is just beginning.

from our autumn days

made for more

It's that time of year again. The time of year where the Boss man heads back to work, big yellow buses begin to roll by, and children everywhere head back to the classroom. Unless you are one of my crew. And then you stay home.

When Boss and I first made the decision to home educate (over four years ago, now), we knew there would be things we would be asking our children to 'give up'. The special first day of school excitement, the holiday classroom parties, skipping with a best friend to the playground after lunch, and the general feeling of goodness that comes with being a part of something that is larger than yourself. And sometimes when I think about it for too long, even four years later, I still get sad that my children are not a part of those things. I worry we have scarred them in some way by keeping them from the traditional American way of life.

But then I am reminded.

Deep in my heart I am reminded that my children were made for more than this world. They were put here for a purpose, to embrace their calling as a Christ follower should they choose to give Him their lives, to fulfill the plans that God has for them. Plans that include knowing God more and more each day and pointing others to Him on their journey. My children were not put here to get caught up in all of the current cultural trends, to be swept along with the world as it spins madly around and around again. And for all that my children have had to 'give up', there is one thing that they have gotten to keep. Each other. Our family does life together. Every single day, all day. The good, the bad, and the ugly of it. And that is what I love most about this journey of home education. I love that we do it together.

I know there are those who do not believe home education is for them. And personally, I am good with that. We all have different stories, different heart stirrings, and I believe if we are committing our ways to the Father he will guide us in the direction we should go. But for us, homeschooling provides the hope that we can hang on to our children's fragile hearts. For us, homeschooling allows us the day in and day out opportunity to mold the little people God has blessed us with into men and women of big faith. Soon enough our children will fly the nest and our steadfast prayer is that they will fly stronger and more assuredly because of their years spent in our home.

This year our focus is books, books, books. We will squeeze core work in, too, but the majority of our time will be spent with our noses in the cover of a good book. I want my girls to read solid stories about ordinary people who turned their lives over to an extraordinary God. I want them to see that God has had a plan all along. For his creation, for the people that lived in Bible times, for the country that we live in today. And I want my daughters to be inspired, to know that God has a plan for them, too. We will read about Christopher Columbus and Anne Frank. George Washington and Helen Keller. We will see how God continually uses faithful people to fulfill His purposes time and again and really, is there a greater lesson that my children could ever learn? I don't think so, and I am excited to see where this year will take us.

I don't know where you are in the story of your own life, but I want to dare you to dream BIG. To hand the writing of your story over to the very Author who created you in the first place. It is our prayer and the focus of our family this school year. The constant handing over of the pen, and then handing it over once again. And who knows? The beautiful chapter that we (you) have been longing for might only be but a page away.

dear children

My Dear Children,

Today was a good day. A quiet Sunday. We worshipped God this morning and your dad did yard work. We picked up Subway for lunch and everyone was happy (minus Em. Subway is not her thing). After lunch you played outside with your friends. I am not sure what you played, but I am sure it involved frogs and Ninja Turtles. Maybe a little bike riding. Your dad spent his afternoon building a shelf for our new(ish) home here, while I nursed your baby brother and napped under my favorite patchwork quilt. Sunday afternoon naps are the best. Remember that. We had dinner with our friends and neighbors, and before we came in for the night daddy took us for a ride in the golf cart. All of us. Now that our family number comes to six, two of you must stand. It is usually you girls, but you never seem to mind. Tonight we rode as the sun began to set. The soft rays burst through the clouds and it was beautiful, so we stopped by the office to stare for awhile before moving on. We drove over the dam, around the lake, and up the lane. All around us were deer, and bunnies with white cotton ball tails, geese, and squirrels. We all liked the bunnies the best. As we drove home along the road the fireflies began to dance and I noted in my heart what a charmed life I lead. It was just an average Sunday, but it was our day. Another day in the story of this life that we are living together. And I just wanted you to know that today's page held beauty and contentment. I am so very grateful to be your mother. I have dreamed many big dreams in this life and not all of them have come true. But this dream, the dream of our family, it has come true and my heart is so full when I think of your dad and of you four, my dear children. I love you. I always will.

Mama

Life Lately

Life has been busy in our little world. The good kind of busy. The busy that involves the daily doings of raising four children, sharing conversation and community with friends that we cherish, and really just celebrating life. All the many parts of it.

Somewhere in the span of the calendar pages turning, Boss and I celebrated ten years of marriage. A decade of love. To be honest, the night we had set aside to celebrate together did not go as planned. Luke was two weeks old at the time, we were tired, and we both said things that we should not have said. But at the end of the day, there is still no one else on earth that I would rather be sharing my days with. Both the good days and the bad ones. For me, Boss is it. And I thank God that he feels the same way about me. We ended our anniversary with I'm sorry and I love you. And I looked into the eyes of the man that I love and I prayed for many decades more.

Two weeks after our anniversary, this little fella turned one month old.

Luke is such a sweet little love. He reminds me most of his biggest sister, as he is a content, quiet little guy. Unless he wants to eat. Then he makes sure you are aware of his hunger. For the first time ever I am committed to nursing, and I will say that I love seeing my tiny guy begin to fill out. Our bodies are awesome and this entire process of pregnancy, birth, and then nursing my infant for nourishment reminds me every single day that there is a God. The way he designed the creation and sustainment of life is nothing short of amazing to me.

What else?

Yesterday this sparkly eyed girl turned seven. Seven years old. Kate was our most challenging child during the first two years of her life, but she has grown up to be the most charming and delightful little girl! She is a wonderful daughter and the very best sister. I love her so much and I am blessed to be her mama.




























Jack is now potty trained. We started working on it the very same week that we brought Luke home from the hospital. You know. Because I had nothing else on my agenda. But I am so proud of my biggest boy! He may or may not have recently gotten in trouble for showing every single person that he meets his new underwear (which involves dropping his drawers for all the world to see), but in his defense, Batman is pretty cool.

And then there is Emma. She is such a help to me! The perfect oldest child to our crew. Lately she is maturing so much and growing up before my very eyes. I am thankful she is mine.

 So that is a glimpse into the life of our family lately. Our life that is good, and sweet, and exhausting, and challenging, and hard, and wonderful all wrapped up in one. And I am thankful for all of it. For every one of our days together.

Recently our church family lost a wonderful man. Boss and I often list the couples ahead of us in this life that we admire, that we want to grow to be like and to model our family life and marriage after. Only two couples ever make our list. This man and his wife are one of those two couples and my heart is so saddened over his passing. But I will tell you this. Knowing him and now watching his wife tread through these dark days so gracefully, most definitely makes me want to know God more deeply. Knowing them makes me want to live each day more fully. Together. As a family.

I know that the Lord is at work. All around us and in our family. And I am so very thankful for this life that I have been given and for the people that I am blessed to share it with.

my heart overflows

As I near the end of this pregnancy, I find that along with my body that is beginning to slow, so are my words. My thoughts are many, but my words are few. Gratitude for this simple life that I have been so blessed with is filling up all of the extra space that is not being filled up by my sweet new son.

My heart overflows.

You all know that we recently moved back home into staff housing (a darling little duplex) on the children's home campus where Boss works, where we previously served as houseparents for five years. Only now we live across the street from our old house where we used to live with our foster girls. And you want to know something? I used to sit across the street, in my old living room, and stare at this little duplex. Towards the end of my house parenting days I was a bit overwhelmed. My heart was torn in so very many directions. I loved both my family and our foster girls with all that I had, and I never felt like there was enough of me to go around. If I was being a good foster mom, I was not always being the mama that my own children needed. And if I was being a good mama to my three, I went to bed feeling as though I had not met the needs of the teenagers that day. I loved with most of my being, and finding balance was not my strong suit. So I stared at this little duplex. At the time, my friend (who is an exemplary mother) called the duplex home. And sometimes, if the blinds were left open, I would see her sitting on the couch chatting with her teenage daughter, sharing life together in the same way that I want to share life with my own daughters when they are teenagers. And I secretly told God that I wanted that. I wanted to be here in this place, on this campus which is our home, and I wanted a season to be just mama to my children. It was more of a wish, but I knew that God knew the longings of my heart. And today here I am.

God's blessings are not lost on me. He heard my heart longings and he provided. It was not on my timing, but it was in his. And it has turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined. Because today I sit here, full term with my second son. And Boss is asleep downstairs, our first son resting soundly next to him. And the girls are upstairs snug in their beds. The school room is almost put together, the crib has been assembled, our table is small, but with just enough space for our family of six. Tiny newborn clothes await a washing and my hospital bag sits by my bed. And it all feels like a dream, this blessed life that I am living.

There are hard days, for sure. Boss is running all over town, keeping Fieldcrest Lane market ready while continuously putting our home together here. Emotions are running high with all of the change that has taken place and with the anticipation of a new brother to be added to the bunch any day now. And there are still financial stresses. But mostly there is peace. Peace and gratitude. Because the baby will come when he is ready, and when we leave the hospital? We will bring him home. To this place. This place that I longed for, perhaps without really knowing that I longed for it, but God provided it for our little family anyway.

My heart overflows.

settled

(source)

I do believe that we are beginning to get settled into our new nest.

This darling duplex is smaller than any space we have ever called home, and ironically enough, soon we will bring our new family number up to six! Yet despite it's small size, I think that I am falling in love with this new space. It seems to be the theme of our lives so far this year, but as with everything else, our family is finding that less is often more. And already, this small space feels like so much more. More than we have ever had before. More peace, more bodies snuggled into one space, more smiles, more feelings of this is so right. Because it is so right.

I am so grateful for this chance to start fresh. I know full well that it didn't have to happen. A fresh start does not come along every day. So I will do my best to see each new day in this small space as a gift. To be grateful for the grace that was given, another opportunity to get this thing called life right.

Tonight at supper (cinnamon rolls, eggs, and homemade granola mixed with yogurt and banana), I looked across the table at my king. He is oh, so handsome to me. I looked at him and thought of this life that we are building together. And I laughed, because while most of the world is climbing up, we always seem to be headed back down. Back down to what matters most, we say. And I am good with that.

And if it is true? If any home can be a castle when the king and queen are in love, then there has never been a more splendid duplex in all the land. Because this man, these children, this space? They are all I need to feel settled. They are all I need to feel at home.

sunshine

(my beautiful girls. first and third grade.)

My children are incredibly happy that we are moving home.

It's sort of ridiculous how happy they are, but I get it. Because I feel the exact same way. Most afternoons and evenings these past two weeks have been spent working on our new nest, which means that we don't see our children from the moment we park the car until the moment that it is time to leave. They are off running, exploring, playing with friends, poking holes in the ground with a big stick (That would be Jack. I don't understand boys.), covering their bodies in dirt. And they come back to our new nest when the sun is setting low. Exhausted, smiling, and in desperate need of a bath. And I think to myself what a beautiful childhood they are living. And while I know this season of childhood will not last forever, I desperately pray that the beautiful part does.

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I have shared before that the early years of my own childhood were beautiful. Idyllic, even. Family, friends, holidays, swimming, snow cones, dance lessons. I had seven years of sunshine. And I am grateful for the fact that the beginning of my story was strong. After seven years of working in the foster care world, I know that is not always the case. Many children only know darkness, so I will forever be thankful for the years where the sun shined brightly in my life. But the rain clouds were coming.

We moved to Texas when I was eight years old. We moved to the pink house, where our family would live until I headed off to college. I started second grade at Jane Long Elementary school and second grade was good. Second grade was where I fell in love with writing. With words. And I knew then that I wanted to change a small piece of the world through the writing of my words. Someday. Somehow.

But then came third grade, and along with it the first darkness in my life. In third grade I learned that children can be cruel. I learned that fitting in was more important than finding myself. Blending in better than becoming who God created me to be. Third grade was where I felt for the very first time in my life that perhaps God had made a mistake when he made me. In third grade there was no sunshine. I started to feel ill. All the time. And while I now know it was anxiety and depression induced, at the time it felt real. Nine years old and living began to feel too hard. I missed school more than I attended, and it was then that I learned the unhealthy habit of running away when life began to feel too overwhelming. Third grade started me down a path of darkness, and it would be years before I would be brave enough to let my light shine once more.

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So I look at my daughters, one of them the very same age I was when the darkness came, and the sunshine they still have makes my soul sing. To be honest,  one of the reasons we home school is to keep the sun shining in our children's lives for as long as is humanly possible. Or to keep the Son shining. Really, it's one in the same. My children do not live in a bubble. Living alongside foster children has taught them that there is pain and darkness in this world. But there has yet to be extreme pain and darkness in their world. I know it will eventually come. I am not naive. But my prayer is that when the darkness does come, my children are able to be rooted and strong. Rooted in God's Word and strong in their faith, so that they will not be easily swayed by the words and opinions of others.

Childhood can be cruel. It can be crushing. But it can also be beautiful. It can be sisters, and swing sets, and summer, and sunshine. And that is the gift that I want to give to my daughters. It is my prayer that the Son will always shine brightly in their lives. That even through the rain clouds life brings their way, that their lights would still shine. That is my prayer for these beautiful daughters of mine.

happiness

(my oldest daughter. she makes my heart happy.)

Today was happiness.

For the first time in who knows how long, the children and I had nothing on our agenda. Not one single thing. No school lessons, no work, no pressing responsibilities, no packing for our upcoming move. So I declared it happy day, a day for doing whatever we wanted. Not having an agenda is happiness.

For three hours this morning, all three children played together in the girls room. Nicely. There was only one crying spell, because Jack wanted to be Belle and his sisters would not let him. Hopefully having a new brother will one day cure Jack of his love for the Disney princesses. Children playing together nicely is happiness.

For three hours this morning, I sat on the couch with my feet up. I have not sat and done nothing during this entire pregnancy. My ankles look beautiful. Beautiful ankles at eight months pregnant is happiness. Come to think of it, simply having ankles at eight months pregnant is happiness.

After lunch, my parents came and picked up all three children for the afternoon. They do this every week, but usually I am working and do not get to enjoy the quiet. Today, the quiet was all mine. Happiness. So I did what I love most in this world. I took my large, pregnant self to the bookstore. I ordered my favorite drink, a White Chocolate Mocha with a splash of raspberry (today it was iced, as this baby is causing some serious hot flashes), walked through the aisles and breathed in the books (the smell of books is my favorite), and then claimed a large, overstuffed chair for myself. And there I sat for three more hours. For those wondering, that brings us to a total of six hours of sitting in one single day. It is quite possible I may never want to get up and productive again. Sitting for six hours is happiness.

While I sat, I read Mark Batterson's book Soul Print. Mark Batterson is currently rocking my world. He is not the most splendid writer on the planet, but his messages seem to be meeting me right where I am in my walk. Soul conviction is happiness.

Seven quotes from Soul Print that brought me a bit of happiness today:

When your life is over, the world will ask you only one question: Did you do what you were supposed to do? - Ziolkowski

In God's grand scheme, it's never about orchestrating the right circumstances. It's always about becoming the right person.

When you stop living for selfish purposes, the pressure comes off. And that's when your destiny comes into focus.

Until we experience death to self, we'll never come to life in the truest and fullest sense of the word.

If you want to find yourself, you've got to look for God.

Your real, new self.... will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him.  - C.S. Lewis

If you aren't careful, your God-given dream can become more important to you than the Dream Giver Himself.

Life is busy. It probably always will be. But every once in a while it feels nice to pick a day, clear the calendar, and focus on the things that bring our soul's deep and fulfilling happiness in this life. For me, that day was today.

For me, today was happiness.

Because of HIM

life can be beautiful and blessings abound....

Praising God today. So thankful we serve a RISEN Savior. Happy Easter, Friends.

 

 

New Nest, New Baby, New Look

I can never pick a favorite season. I love something about them all, finding seasons to be one of God's most inspiring creations. Life would be dull if every day were the same, and it is the same with seasons. I find that just when my soul is ready for something new, change comes.

Change is coming for our family. A new nest needs to be built, a new baby is on his way. And I find it fitting that these changes are happening in spring, a season of new growth. I love that. It feels hopeful. Spring signifies that brighter days are on their way, and that is my prayer for our family as we transition.

This space needed changing, too. Soon, our story will no longer take place on Fieldcrest Lane, so we needed something new to go with our new nest and our new baby.

This is now the story of {our life} Plain & Simple.

It is the story of our family. It is the story of how we spend our days. It is the story of the things we love to love. I have always been a dreamer, and I hope that I always will be. Dreaming big is good for the soul. It makes me feel alive. But I also believe there is magic to be found in ordinary days. The magic of life is all around us, sometimes we just have to search a bit to find it. So I am determined to spend my days finding the magic, while I spend my years chasing big, crazy, extraordinary dreams. It is a balance I want to learn to walk well.

Thank you for coming to this space. Thank you for sharing in our story. Thank you for choosing to do life with us.

* The new look in our space is courtesy of Always in Bluhm Designs, Etsy shop found HERE and website found HERE. I met Theresa nearly ten years ago through mutual college friends and I got to know her a bit better after connecting with her on Facebook. She quit her job after the birth of her son and started up an amazing design business. Theresa has a creative spirit and a beautiful, artistic soul, and she is awesome at what she does. The girl has mad skills. If you are in the market for a new look for your space, check her out. You will be glad that you did.

Feathering a New Nest

(source)

Our family is moving. Again. I would say blech, but you don't say blech to an answered prayer. Instead, I will say thank you to the Giver of all good gifts. Because this move is a gift.

Our family is moving home.

Out to where the corn grows tall, over the railroad tracks, past the big red barn, one last bend in the road, and we will be home. Home where we lived prior to living on Fieldcrest Lane. Home where we were houseparents for five years. Home where Emma learned to ride her bike, and where Kate said her first words. Home to the place where we brought Jack after he was born. Home. Only this time, we will not be houseparents. This time, we will be moving into staff housing that has recently become available. Boss will remain principal of the school, and I will be mama to our four children. We don't have an exact move in date yet, but we hope to be settled in our new nest before baby number four joins us in the next several weeks.

For the most part, life on Fieldcrest Lane has been lovely. I will miss the rolling hills, the big trees. Our charming street, and the old tree swing out back. For one year, our family built a life here, and there are things that will be missed. But as lovely as it was, it was also hard. Because the most charming houses are often old houses, and for us that meant a leaking roof, ceiling damage, and a stubborn old heat pump that needed constant repair. And those things are never in the budget, are they? And because our family strives to live debt free, that meant draining our savings faster than one can blink. Boom. The bank account was nearing empty. So, mama went back to work.

When things began to get tight, a sweet friend generously offered to let me keep her darling daughters a few days each week. Because we homeschool, our children worked with me, and this small job was a tremendous blessing to our family this year. Honestly, we would not have survived without it, and we will always be grateful for friends who were willing to help us out in a season of need. But it was not the life plan that we left houseparenting for. We left our work there, so that I could focus on raising and homeschooling our children, and that did not happen quite as we would have liked for it to this year. So we had a choice to make.

Boss could look for a new job, he could have taken a second job in the evenings, I could have continued working, or we could move back to campus into the staff housing. It was not a hard choice to make. I love our house here on Fieldcrest Lane, but I love the lifestyle that we dream of for our family more. In our family, it is our priority to have Boss work, while I stay home and raise our children. It was our priority long before we ever had our children, and we will always strive to make this lifestyle work to the best of our ability. It is a tough thing to raise a family on one income, but people over possessions, I always say. I want to be with my children, more than I want to be able to give them the best of the very best. For us, family IS the best of the very best. It is not the choice that every family would make, and I respect that completely, but it is the choice for us.

So, our family is moving home.

And this mama has much work to do, to feather our new nest before baby number four arrives. As always, thank you for joining in our life's journey.

Miles Down Memory Lane

(source)

I have walked many miles down memory lane, rereading our family story here in this space.

In many ways, we have traveled far in the last six years that I have been writing. We have gone from babies, to toddlers, to young ladies. We have gone from two children, to four. Boss and I are nearing a decade of marriage together. Ten years of marriage to my best friend. We have moved three times, and taken new jobs. We have been involved in work that matters. The souls of our shoes are worn, but the walk has well been worth it.

In other ways, I know that we still have a long way to go. As a family, and as individuals. I look back and read of  things I was going to work on five years ago, many character traits and habits that needed attention and changing, and I realize that some of those things still need changing today. I still want to be a better wife, a better mama, a better keeper at home. I still want to know God more, to be a better steward of the gifts I have been given. Though many miles have been traveled, still many remain.

But two things have remained constant on this journey of my life.

My humanness, and God's faithfulness.

I see evidence of this on nearly every page that I have written. His hand on every part of my story. I can't see where I am going, God shows me the way. I tear things apart, God puts the pieces back together. I am broken, God is the healer. I sin, God forgives. I plead to be heard, God answers. Every. Single. Time. So much of the past, God has redeemed, but I was too busy to notice. It turns out, he was answering my pink blanket prayers all along.

In 2007, our family visited the welfare office. Boss has a college education, a Masters degree, and he has always worked, in some seasons, nearly 80 hours a week. But we did not have enough to make ends meet. We stood in that line, heads cast down, embarrassed at our plight. When we left, Boss
shed tears and tore up the paperwork. He said we would find another way. I looked at my daughters strapped into the backseat of our car, and I worried. But over the years, God has always provided. We have known seasons of plenty, and we have walked through seasons of want, but we have always had just enough. Exactly what we needed. A prayer was answered.

In 2008, we began desiring to grow our family. Things were much better financially, and we longed for a third child. We thought adoption was the path we should take. We pursued it for over a year, but every door was always closed. A year and a half later, and we learned that our first son was on his way. A prayer was answered.

In 2009, we learned that the school where Boss worked was out of funds. His dream job was going away. It was a blow to our hearts. Today, my husband is thriving as Principal of a new education program that was created after the demise of the school where he was first working. He loves his job. He finds purpose there. This job supports our family almost entirely, where the other job did not even come close. A prayer was answered.

In 2012, I miscarried our fourth child. A child I had longed for. My secret dream. Today, I am less than ten weeks away from meeting our second son. A prayer was answered.

All along, God has been answering.

I started this blog for my children. To record the story of our family. So that years later, when we look back at the pages here, we can see for certain that God worked great things in our lives. Mostly, I try to look forward, to keep pressing on towards the goal. But every once in a while, it is good to look back. To walk miles down memory lane.

Family is Forever

We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break. ~Marquise de Sévigné

Papaw and Kate

Yesterday, we celebrated Papaw's 60th birthday. For sixty years now he has walked this earth, leaving marks on the lives that surround him. My children know him as the man who blows up the air mattress so they can sleep over, and who sets up the colorful little table when it is time to dine. My children know him as the man who lets them style his snow white hair with ribbons, and bows, and anything else they can get their hands on. My children know him as the wrapper of Christmas presents, and the sender of Valentines, and the giver of birthday cards. My children love him, and my children love well. They love him because he is their Papaw. They love him because he is family.

 

I thank God for it every single day, for his beautiful creation of family. I am so thankful he did not leave us to navigate this dark world alone. Instead, he gave us others to walk with us. To cheer us on when we grow weary. To hold us up when it feels as though falling is all there is left to do. And when family fails? Because sin is all around, and sometimes families do fail, he sends others to stand in the gap. Everybody needs somebody.

 

Boss and I are blessed. In our immediate families we have four parents who still stand behind us. Or beside us. Or wherever we need them to stand in a particular season. We have brothers and sisters who make us laugh. We have aunts, and uncles, and some grand parents still on this earth who make our lives all the more rich. And we have four beautiful children. We count our children as our greatest blessings on this earth. And we have so many friends, countless brothers and sisters in Christ who fill in the gaps all around us.

 

Our families are not perfect. The family we have created together is not perfect. Our chains stretch more than a little. But even after all of these years our chains have never broken completely. Because family is family. You don't get to choose it. It chooses you. Family is opinionated. And family is messy. Family can be loud, though sometimes the silence during a stretch is louder. Family is colorful, and in your face, and sometimes you are begging them to just see your face. To hear you. To understand your heart. But family is also fun. And forgiving. And a soft place to land. A place to be the very real you and know that you are loved in spite of it all. Family is flawed, but family is forever.

 

Family, no matter what that looks like for each of us, is to be celebrated. So reach out your hands to the important people in your life. Grab on tightly. And though the seasons, and the years, and the sin will stretch you, never let go. Because family is a gift.

Cousin Claire and Kate

family turned friends

Jack

Cousin Madi and Emma

 

Papaw

From Ladders to Lessons

(Mama and Luke)

Last Friday night, Boss and I got fancied up to attend a benefit auction for the children's home where Boss is employed. Boss is the principal of the school that serves many residents from the children's home, as well as children from surrounding school districts that are bused in each day.

Many moons ago (do people really say that?), Boss worked for corporate America. Before we met he was an insurance salesman, and during our months of dating and early marriage he was a retail manager for Champs Sports. So I suppose you could say that being a boss (literally) and a salesman have always been in his blood. He was good at what he did. Very good. He won many awards and much recognition, and there was a time when we dreamed about his career in retail management going far. All the way far. All the way to the top! In our minds, he was climbing the corporate ladder one rung at a time. It didn't matter that he worked sixty to eighty hours a week. No pain, no gain! Right?

 But then we got pregnant.

And suddenly that silly old ladder didn't seem nearly as important to us as it once did. If I was at home with the children while Boss was at work 'climbing' away, if he left the house before the children woke in the morning, came home after they were already in bed for the night, missed worship services, and dance recitals, and ball games, would it even matter to us once he reached the very top of the ladder? Would it even be worth it? For our family, we decided the answer to that question was a resounding NO. Because more than likely, in the end, he would have been be standing at the top of that corporate ladder alone, while the children and I were at home going about the family life that we had created without him. So just like that our focus shifted. And we decided then and there that the only type of ladder we ever wanted to climb would be one that we could climb together. So Boss, with my input, began to pursue other lines of work.

Looking back, Boss and I can honestly say now that we wished we had pursued some sort of family business or trade when we were looking to make a change in our lives. Something that we could have worked together, side by side, including our children as they grew. But we didn't even think to head in that direction at that early point in our marriage. Instead, we focused on his pursuing a career that would allow for as much family time as possible. Boss obviously had to make a living, but our first priority was to be together as much as we possibly could be. Boss' second priority was working a job that 'mattered'. Not that most jobs are not necessary in the world that we have come to live in, but if Boss was to be away from us for any length of time each day, he wanted to feel good about how he was spending that time.

Eventually, after several months of prayer, Boss decided on the field of education. At that time there was a shortage of teachers in certain states and alternative certification programs were available to anyone who qualified. So, Boss hopped on board, and after one summer of hard work he was a teacher! And I think he would tell you that was one of the best decisions he has ever made. He no longer climbs a ladder, but he spends his days investing in the lives of those who may one day climb. And he is still a salesman. Only now, instead of selling insurance or shoes, he spends his days selling children on the idea that being all that God created you to be and making something of your life is important! He is home early most afternoons. He is off on weekends, holidays, and for the entire summer each year. He is active and present in our home and in our children's lives. And I couldn't be more proud of him.

It isn't always easy. Trying to raise a family on one income, and a smaller income at that, is often a difficult task. We have to work together to pinch pennies (Boss is far better at this than I am), I help out with taking on other small jobs when I can, and we don't always know how we are going to make ends meet. But God has always provided. He has always been faithful to open doors right when we needed them opened the most. And I know that God will continue to be faithful.

We have no idea where our path will take us. Sometimes I dream that God still plans on using Boss in big ways for his kingdom, like Boss' journey has only just begun. Sometimes I am content if what we have is all there ever is. Sometimes we still dream of starting that family business and working each day side by side. But I do know that no matter what, family will always come first. And to us, that is more important than any ladder ever could be.

Happy at Home: In an Instant

 

It's funny how your life can change in an instant.

 

One week ago I was the proud mama of three beautiful children. And even more importantly, I was content with that number. The Z Three was beginning to roll comfortably off the tip of my tongue, without the familiar ache of wanting 'more' that had been known to follow in previous months. I was happy. I had made peace with the family that God had blessed me with.

 

One week ago I was dreaming of tiny little foster babies. We were in the process of switching foster care agencies (the transfer to be completed this very week), and I was counting down the days until we would receive 'the call'. The call that would change our lives for a few months, days, or maybe years. Or possibly even forever. And I was excited to feel called to the ministry. I felt as though God had been preparing me for that calling for years and I was ready to serve. We all were.

 

One week ago Boss and I were planning a ten year wedding anniversary cruise for next May. Sans children. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon and we thought it would make for a nice ten year tradition. We were excited to reach such a big milestone in our marriage (a whole decade!) and we somewhat felt as if we were approaching that next stage in life. The stage with more sleep and less diapers. And we were content.

 

One week ago I was practicing the art of learning to be happy at home. It might seem sad that one would have to practice something like that. But it's where I was. Because the truth is, even though it was exhausting me, I enjoyed all of the running around. Running around, being out in the world, it was exciting! So much more exciting than cooking, and cleaning, and laundry, and wiping little noses. So I made it a habit to keep myself busy. To keep myself distracted from the mundane. But slowly, over the past few months, God's Word had been nudging me back towards home. But one week ago I was still fighting it. So I was planning trips and prepping for foster care. I was doing all of this from home, but in my mind I was still running. I was home in body, but I was not home in spirit. My heart and wants were still elsewhere.

 

And then six days ago, my life changed in a single instant.

 

We had not been trying to conceive, so I had not been paying attention to the signs. But once the thought crossed my mind? I knew. I just knew. And when the test read positive? It was pure joy. Automatic pure joy! I remember crying and saying thank you God. Thank you God, thank you God, thank you God. And my life has not been the same since.

 

Today I am the proud mama of FOUR beautiful children. Today I am so thankful that there will be the 'more' that I didn't even realize that I still wanted. Today I am happy and at peace. Today I am so very thankful that God's ways, and God's timing, far surpass my own.

 

Today I don't know where we stand with foster care. Today I am okay with the fact that I don't know.

 

Today I am not sad that there will not be a ten year anniversary cruise in May. Because now, Lord willing, I have better plans.

 

Today, in this very moment, my heart is happy at home.  I realized tonight, as my son did 'shows' for us after dinner and I laughed so hard until I cried, that there is no where else on earth that is better suited for me. All five of us were piled on the couch snuggling, with Jack pouting about not having enough room, when Emma said, just wait until next year! Because next year our couch will be even more full. But as Boss quickly pointed out, there will ALWAYS be enough room for one more. And you know what? To me, that's exactly what home is. All of us piling inside of these walls. Sharing laughter and tears. Joys and sorrows. All of us learning, and growing, and extending grace. Knowing in our hearts that there is always room for one more. There is always enough love to go around.

 

Today my body is alive with this tiny one that is growing inside of me. My whole body feels it, a constant reminder that God is still at work. A reminder that God is always there, even in the seasons where we cannot seem to find him. He is the master weaver, weaving the intricate strands of our lives together in his own timing. And when we get a small glimpse of the work he is doing?

 

Our lives change in an instant. And we find the encouragement and hope needed to continue pressing on.

 

 

 

 

 



Cousin LOVE

Photo Courtesy of Aunt Beth!

Cousins are different beautiful flowers in the same garden. - Anonymous

Growing up I had five cousins. Come to think of it, I still have five cousins even though now we're all grown up! :) And let me tell you, when I was a little girl I adored my cousins. In fact, before I was old enough to know that it was wrong (on so many different levels), I even had a crush on a couple of them. Four of my cousins were boys, one was a girl, and my youngest cousins were still four years older than I was, leaving me the baby of the family. But I looked up to them all and was so excited when our family's would spend time together. My girl cousin, Annika, was the best. We would go swimming together, play babies, pretend we were elves in Santa's workshop (aka my grandpa's shed in the backyard). We would paint pottery that my grandma made for us and I always felt so cool when she would invite me to hang out with her older friends. I will freely admit here that I am a little sad that none of my cousins and I really talk anymore. I am just as much to blame for that as anyone else . We all live in different states now, we all have our own families, our own busy lives. But when we get together every few years it still feels good. It feels right. Because that's the way that it is with family. That's the way that it should be . Because we all come from the same place . The same garden, if you will. Some of us shared the same last name growing up, many of our childhood memories were shared, and we all shared the same love for the people that we called grandparents. And that draws families, cousins, together when everything else in the world draws us apart. It's a pretty cool thing, God's creation of the extended family.

So when Boss and I decided to move away from New Mexico back in early 2007, we didn't really talk long about where we wanted to move . Ohio topped the list for one reason. Family. I have the unique blessing of having my parents choose to live wherever Boss and I live, even if it means a move for them. So moving to Ohio to be closer to Boss' side of the family, with my parents coming along as well, was a no brainer. Being with family was where we wanted to be . And while we still don't get to spend nearly enough time with all of them (darn those busy lives!), our kids are in heaven when we do all get together. The reason? Cousins! My girls have some major cousin LOVE going on. And while they only have five cousins (just like their Mama!), the cousins in our family are like little stair steps! Pictured above we have 10 years, 8 years, 7 years, 6 years, 5 years, 2 1/2 years, and 2 years old! And when they get together it is running, and jumping, and screaming, and smiling, and sometimes fighting if we're being completely honest, and cookie baking, and 'office' playing, and complete craziness that leaves me feeling exhausted just from watching. And that's just the way that it should be . Each cousin a unique beautiful flower, all of them coming from the very same garden. And it's a really awesome thing when you take the time to stop and watch, to appreciate and to be thankful for the way that your family's garden is blooming. So thank you God for cousins. And for family. They certainly make our lives more colorful!

Sum Sum SUMMERTIME Adventures

I believe that every single day is an adventure waiting to happen. Each day we wake up is reason to celebrate! And this summer is no exception. In fact, everything seems more spectacular this particular summer, because Boss is home most days, we have very few weekly commitments, and it has been so long since it has been just the five of us that every day feels so relaxed and like a party! Most days we sleep in (not Boss, he didn't get the sleeping gene in his DNA, and not Kate as she takes after Boss). But the rest of us? We sleep in as if our lives depend on it. Professional sleepers, we are. We have slow, lazy mornings, cold breakfasts so as not to heat up the house first thing in the morning, and by eleven am the grown-ups (that's myself and Boss) decide that perhaps it is time to get everyone dressed for the day.  And then we sit around the lunch table and decide what our adventure for the day should be.

Yesterday's adventure was to the local splash pad. We loaded up our picnic basket, packed our bag with towels and sunscreen, and then we hit the road. And it was so much fun! For a simple three dollars we had three hours of fun. That's a dollar an hour, folks! And even Boss can smile at that. He likes him some cheap fun. The kids splashed in the creek, played in the tiny fountains, slid down slides (extra fast since they were all wet, which was AWESOME according to Emma), and tried out their skills on the monkey bars. And then they repeated everything all over again. Every time Boss or I would try and sit down, Jack would run up to us, grab our hands, and say, Come! So of course we would get up and follow him as he went on his next adventure. And when we were all done, we loaded three tired, sun kissed, happy children up in the family mobile and we headed home. And I felt happy, because another day was celebrated.

And just so you know, the day was not perfect. Boss didn't particularly want to be going on an adventure that day, we had to scrape the three dollars together out of our coin jar, our kids whined because we wouldn't buy them an ice cream cone, and where we chose to have our picnic ended up being right next to a screaming mama. If I never hear the name Acadia yelled again, it will be just fine and dandy with me. But it's okay that the day was not perfect. Perfection isn't the point of going on an adventure. Just going on it is the point. Being together, exploring the world, making memories, and living. Those things are what adventures are all about.