Boy or Girl, That is The Question

Tomorrow afternoon, our family gets to find out whether this little one that I am carrying is another sister or a new little brother. To say we are excited is an understatement! In fact, Emma and I have been counting down the days until this ultrasound appointment for the past two weeks, so we are definitely ready to know who will be joining our family come March. Some of us are hoping for a boy, and others are hoping for a girl, but no matter what, I have no doubt that this baby is already greatly loved.

For some reason, this pregnancy feels different to me. All of my pregnancies have been exciting and most definitely wanted, but this one is different. With Emma, I was a mere 21 years of age when I became her mama. Boss and I were insanely happy and excited to bring a daughter into this world, but looking back, I was very young and naive. A baby having a baby. I remember right after having her, Boss was afraid to hold her for fear of breaking her. I just kept thinking, Are they really going to let me take her home? I can't believe they would trust me with such a little person! Somehow, with much joy and happiness, we survived Emma's first few years of life, and just like clockwork, two years later we had our sweet Kate. I was thrilled that we had sisters, and their relationship has been precious to watch develop over the past three years. Emma and Kate are the best of friends and partners in crime, rarely fighting, and I cannot imagine one without the other. Life was exactly as it was meant to be in our little family.

Many of you know that I experienced health problems after Kate's birth, and it was pretty much decided that we would not have any more biological children. We decided this as much for health reasons, as we did for sanity reasons. What I experienced emotionally after having Kate (much stress and anxiety which persisted for nearly a solid year after her birth), took a tole on our little family. Sometimes the anxiety was so overwhelming that it consumed me, and a lot of the work of caring for the girls was thrown on Boss. It was a very long year. So, while we desperately wanted more children, we had both agreed that adoption would be the path  to growing our family. I have wanted to adopt since I was a little girl, so this seemed as natural to me as having another one of our own. I was truly at peace with the path we were on.

However, it was not long after we started on our adoption journey that I realized how rocky the road was going to be. I knew it was going to be a lengthy process, but I didn't expect it to be so tough. Basically, the major roadblock for our family adopting was our living situation. We are houseparents at a group home for teenage girls with behavior problems. On paper, the girls that we live with sound quite scary, but the truth is that most of them are girls who got handed a rotten deal in life, but who are striving daily to overcome their pasts. They most certainly are not dangerous, or I would not live here with my own daughters in the first place. To date, we have served thirty kids, and there are only three that I can think of who I would not have gladly welcomed in to my own family, and those girls were removed from our program the minute they became a problem. Even though that is what I know to be the truth regarding our living environment, that is not what a caseworker sees when they review our home study. So, even though we passed our background checks, had good references, made enough money, and passed and completed everything in the home study process, we continued to be denied by agency after agency. The paperwork to cover a home study like ours was too intense for a private agency to take on. While I completely understood where they were coming from, it was still a hard pill to swallow since it seemed as though that was where our dreams were. In the end, we were left with three options.

Our first option was for us to quit our ministry here and adopt as a regular family. Definitely not an option for us at this time! I truly love my job and feel like working with these girls is where I am supposed to be at this time, and possibly for many years to come. I could not give up caring for five girls who need a place to call home, to justify filling my own need for one.

Our next option was to adopt a child already in the system, meaning we would go through the county and not through a private agency. Big difference! With a private agency, you are most often the only mama and daddy that the baby ever knows, and there is never a chance for the child to be abused or neglected before it becomes a part of your family. When you adopt through the county, even if you adopt an infant, the majority of times, damage has already been done. Not that I don't think these children deserve to be adopted, and I am so thankful there are families out there who are called to do so. The problem is that I work with the grown up versions of these kids day in and day out. I live with kids who were adopted by wonderful loving families by the age of one, but it was already too late for them. Too much abuse and damage had already been done, and they are not capable of bonding with their adoptive family, hence the reason they are living with us. I get tired of seeing adoptive moms who have tried for so long to reach these kids, and to love these kids, but the kids wants nothing to do with them and they probably never will. I see this over, and over, and over again. It is heartbreaking for both the child and the adoptive family, and I could not see putting my family through that pain. It is too much of a reality in our everyday life.

Our third option became to have another child of our own. After that year of intense anxiety lifted and I talked with a few more doctors, it became clear that there was no medical reason we could not have another child. I only had to feel ready to do so. I won't lie, it was hard to let go of my dream of adopting a little African American baby with the curliest little fro you ever did see, and I am not saying we will never adopt. Who knows what God has in store for our family? And I will not lie and tell you that I was not fearful of getting pregnant again, because I was, and still am, nervous about the pregnancy, but I also have more peace than I have had in a very long time. The baby I am carrying is the baby we have prayed for for two years. It feels like being pregnant for the very first time all over again. Every kick is a miracle, each week of growing a blessing. There is no other way to explain it, other than to say it is differently wonderful. I am a bit older now, and being a mama comes more naturally than it did during those early years. I am so very ready to be a mama of three! My three. The Z three.

So, are we having a little boy or a little girl? Tomorrow we will find out the answer to that question. But whoever this little one is, I have no doubt that they were meant to be a part of our family. We love you Baby Z Number Three, and we can't wait to call you by name!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, friends! I am a week behind already, but I just cannot believe that it is already 2009. Wow! I cannot believe that I will celebrate my sixth wedding anniversary this year, nor can I believe that my little girls will be turning three and five in the summer. Where has the time gone?

I must say that 2008 was a really great year for our little family. For one thing, we resided at the same address for an entire year! That is a biggie for us wandering folk! And even better, is the fact that we don't have any plans to move this year either. Our little family is right where it belongs for the time being, and I can't tell you how good that feels.

Boss is continuing to love his job as Athletic Director of Village Christian School, and he is enjoying he first season as head boys basketball coach. They have had a pretty good season, so far! We are going to celebrate Boss' 32nd birthday this coming weekend, and I am really looking forward to getting away for some quality time together.

I am still loving being a full time mama and houseparent. I can't imagine doing anything else. Many of my goals for this new year revolve around becoming a better wife, mama, and homemaker, and I can't wait to share with you all that I have been thinking about.

Emma is now four and a half and is so grown up! She loves preschool and can't wait to go every day. She is learning to blend words together for reading and she is getting so good at writing the words that we spell for her. I am so impressed with how smart she is! She is still in dance, and she also loves drawing, playing Barbies, and helping me bake. Emma is a wonderful big sister, and I am so thankful for my biggest girl!

Kate is now two and a half, and that girl is a spitfire! She is talking up a storm, but she cannot pronounce her R's and I think it is so cute! She is sleeping in a big girl bed now (or not sleeping), and she loves sitting on the potty every day, but we are not potty trained, yet. Her sleep is improving. We have good weeks, and bad weeks, but I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass. Her favorite thing to play with is her baby dolls, and she names them all Claire or Annie Rose (or Wose, as she says). Kate is so funny and loving, and I love to spend my days with her.

We had a wonderful Christmas, and I am somewhat sad that it is over! My brother and his wife came to town, and we enjoyed a quiet family Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we had our traditional fettuccine dinner, and then mom read the Night Before Christmas, as she always does. We left cookies for Santa, and the girls were so excited to see what he had brought for them the next morning! They got a Rose Petal Cottage! So cute! My favorite present was a mama necklace from Boss, and some new books. Boss got an electric guitar, and I am so very proud to say that he has mastered his first song.....drum roll please.....London Bridges Falling Down! Go, baby! You are a rocker! We spent the next day with Boss' family and they spoiled us as usual! We rang in the new year with friends and some mad games of Wii Bowling. Where are the bumper lanes on that game? We had a wonderful holiday break, and I always love the magic that seems to surround this time of year.

Our adoption is now in full swing. It was such a long process to get our home study completed, and we almost lost heart a couple of times, but we are now back in the game. I think about our third baby several times a day, and I cannot wait to bring him or her home. I know that the road could still be a long one, but I am hopeful that we will be matched with a baby this year. We think we have an adoption path planned out, and I will share the details soon. I am learning as I get older that things really are better on God's time, and I can truly say that I am content to wait.

The Zickafoose family is really looking forward to 2009! Boss has some really great job opportunities, Emma will start Kindergarten, Kate will continue to grow and blossom every day, a hopeful adoption plan, and many birthday's and special moments that we are looking forward to this year. Thank you for continuing to follow our journey!

Home Study Update

Boss recently got his home study paperwork in, so we are completely finished with the paper chase. I will be scheduling family physical appointments for the first part of next month, and then all that is left is for my caseworker to visit our home and interview everyone. That part might be scary.

We are fingerprinted and have foster and adoption training as part of our job as houseparents, so all of that counts towards our home study, as well. There may be a few things that I am forgetting about, but I believe that after physicals and interviews, we will simply be waiting for our caseworker to type everything up and send it in to the state to be approved. I have heard that it can take up to four weeks to get back, so I am hopeful that we will be finished with everything by July. What a great day that will be!

After that, we have to do decide if we want to chance waiting for a private adoption, or if we want to send our information into an adoption agency and let them take over with the matching process. So many choices! I am praying God's guidance and wisdom over it all, so that when the time comes, we will know which direction to take. I do feel as though we have been moving a bit slowly through all of this, but I am okay with that.  I am choosing to believe that things will happen naturally when the timing is right.

N's Baby

Today we received some very sad news. The birth mother we were talking with went to the doctor yesterday feeling like something was wrong with the baby, and the doctor could not find the heartbeat. The doctor then ordered an ultrasound that revealed that the baby had died. They were very surprised as N was around twenty weeks pregnant, and that is usually past the point where typical miscarriages happen. N has been sick, and one of her other children currently has a virus and is in Columbus Children's Hospital, so they think perhaps she had a virus that killed the baby, or perhaps it is just one of those things that cannot be explained.

I am heartbroken, but not for the reason you might think. I never got completely attached to the idea of this sweet baby, but I am heartbroken for N. She has so little in this world, and to lose a child that she obviously loved, while having another in the hospital must be completely overwhelming. Even though she was contemplating not raising this baby, I know she loved it deeply, or the decision she was facing wouldn't have been a hard one.

I do rest in the fact that God is in control, and I do believe that he was watching out for that little one. It doesn't make it easier, but now N won't have to make the toughest decision of her life. And our family can move on, too. I was already struggling with wondering what choice to make if N did choose us. I worried she would choose us, we would take the baby home, and then she would change her mind. Now the answer is clear. 

And this little one can go straight to the place where there is no pain, hardships, or tough decisions to make. I am comforted in that. As for us, we will keep plugging along with our home study. Boss will have his paperwork in this week, and next is physicals for our entire family. I am not sure what happens after that. Please do pray for N. I am not sure when, but at some point this week she will have to deliver her baby that she never got the chance to know.

That is all I have for today. All I can say is that our adoption journey is completely real to us now. We started down a path not knowing where it would take us, and we still don't know, but N's baby was the first bend in the road. Although I never knew this little one, I am thankful to have the chance to write about him or her here. This baby's life was thought about and prayed for. I will forever remember N and this baby as the very first steps in our journey, and I am confident that if we continue to look to Him, that God will guide us as we continue down this unknown path.

Adoption Update

My caseworker heard back from the pregnancy counselor this morning. Last week the counselor and my caseworker both talked to the birth mom (we will call her N for privacy) and she said she was very excited to hear more about us. She was going to check her work schedule, and then pick a time for the three of them to meet together. However, the counselor has not heard back from her this week, despite calling N more than once. She is thinking that N might need time to sort through this in her head and in her heart. The sad reality is that no matter how much she might want this baby, she is barely keeping her head above water with the two she already has, and even on welfare, she is having trouble financially. I'm sure that reality does not make it any easier on her heart, though. I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now. The counselor is hopeful N will still make an adoption plan. If she can wrap her brain around this, then we will move forward. There are still several months left in her pregnancy for her to go back and forth. Maybe that's why most agency's wait until the 7th month to start matching! If she decides to keep the baby, I am at least grateful for this connection. We now have a crisis pregnancy counselor who has all of our information on hand. She deals with girls like N on a daily basis, and perhaps there will be another birth mom who wants to create an adoption plan for her baby if N falls through. So for now, we just wait and see. I am good with that. I did not expect much more. It would have been wonderful for everything to just happen smoothly, but nothing is ever easy when it comes to issues of the heart. Again, I can't imagine what these brave birth mom's go through! I have a new respect for them. Boss and I continue to pray that God will lead us to our baby. Maybe that baby is N's, maybe it is not. Regardless, N is currently on my prayer list and I would ask that you put her on yours, as well.

The Next Step

My caseworker told the potential birth mom and her counselor that we were interested last Friday. Apparently they were tickled pink that Boss and I were interested, and they would like to move forward with the next step. My caseworker has proposed that he meet with the birth mom and the counselor next week, so that he might explain to them how the process would work, show her our family picture and tell her a little bit about us, and to get to know as much of the birth mom's story that she is willing to share. He also wants to get a feel for how serious she seems about all of this. I want to know if adoption is completely her decision, or if the counselor is only encouraging her to make that choice.

If they like what they hear about us, and my counselor has a good feeling about the birth mom, then we will move forward, perhaps with a phone call or an actual meeting in the next couple of weeks. Again.....wow! I am trying very hard to keep clear head about all of this. This is the very beginning of our adoption story and I know that the journey could take many twists and turns, the plot could thicken at any time, and that it could very well be filled with lots of tears and drama. The part that keeps me sane is praying for the happy ending.

So, we will wait and see. In the mean time, I have paperwork to complete, and I still have the problem of a mushy brain. Boss has taken the girls to his parents for a few days, so perhaps I will get something accomplished between counseling appointments, family visits, and hanging out with the big girls. Thank you for taking the time to check in.

Maybe a Match

I feel as though I have been a bit absent lately, and my only excuse is that my brain has felt like mush for the past week. We got a new resident who has thrown my world for a loop (she is leaving for higher level care on Thursday), we have had a stomach virus making its way through our house, and Kate and the new girl have BOTH not been sleeping through the night. Mush, I tell you. Every time I sit down to write, I can't put two words together. However, I wanted to let you know of a phone call that we received yesterday.

Our original adoption plan has been to complete our home study with our caseworker, and then send our completed home study to an agency to begin the wait for a match. Once matched, we would then use our attorney to finalize everything in the end. However, my caseworker told me yesterday, that he had received an email from a lady who is a volunteer counselor at a crisis pregnancy center. This lady has been counseling with a young woman who is wanting to give her baby up for adoption, and she was wondering if our caseworker knew of any families who were wanting to adopt. Since my caseworker typically does not place babies, we are the only couple on the list.

Here is what we know. We believe that the birth father is Caucasian, and the birth mother is bi racial. The birth mother already has two children and no husband. She was adopted herself, and her adoptive parents are members of a church that is not far from our home. The birth mother came into contact with her own birth mother a few years back, and she believes that has caused many problems in her life, so she is very much for adoption, and very much for not interfering with the adoptive parents trying to raise the baby. She wanted to find a couple who were members of the church like her adoptive parents, so I believe we are the first couple she is looking at.The baby is due sometime in August. August! She should find out the gender this month. My heart pounds at the mere thought that this woman could be carrying our third child!

I know there is much that can happen. Perhaps the birth mother will choose someone else. Perhaps she will change her mind about adoption completely. Perhaps there will be a drug or alcohol history that we are not comfortable with. There are many days before August, and I am fully aware that many things could happen.

So, what do we do now? My caseworker sent an email today letting the crisis counselor know that we were interested in moving forward. The next step will either be a phone cal,l or perhaps just sending her a bit more information about ourselves. Then we will take it from there. Will you pray for us? I am trying to keep the attitude that God already knows which baby is ours, and whenever that baby comes along, things will simply work out. Maybe it will be this sweet baby, or maybe it will be another. All I can say is that this is starting to feel real!

Step One

We just received our first packet of papers to fill out as the first step in the home study process. I can't believe that this is actually happening! I am so excited! I will keep you updated as we continue to travel along this journey.

Let The Games Begin

It is official. We have officially retained a fancy attorney! Mr. Attorney will contact our caseworker in the next several days, to send him the paperwork to get our home study started. Our seat belts are fastened and we are ready for the ride of a lifetime. We are coming Baby Z Number Three!

It's A Go

Last night we had terrible weather (snow/freezing rain mixture that is still falling right now!) and I was worried that our appointment with the attorney would be cancelled. It was only clear for about two hours today, and those two hours were during the time we were driving to and from the appointment. Anyway, we made it there safely, and on time, and I was incredibly nervous. The office was fancy and distinguished, and I am not, so I was feeling very out of my league. Social workers have never intimidated me, but talking with a lawyer felt like a whole new ball game. 

Let me tell you about our attorney. He was so helpful, encouraging, and smart! He is only a few years older than Boss, and the whole thing was very relaxed. He put me at ease right away! He answered all of our questions and he said he would be glad to facilitate our adoption. When we started discussing fees, I had a few questions, because I was worried it was going to be way more expensive than we had initially thought. From doing research online, I was prepared for him to say his retainer fees were several thousand dollars. However, it turns out Mr. Attorney became a Catholic two years ago, and in order to stay out of purgatory (his words) he decided to reduce his retainer fees for adoption as a way to give back. He said he will facilitate the adoption and handle all of the legal fees once our baby is placed, for a fraction of the cost that I had been expecting. How generous! I am so thankful!

Anyway, we are going to pray, talk, and think about everything over the weekend, and we will call his office on Monday to set the ball in motion. I am so excited! I have heard that home studies can take around three months, on average, but we are a bit ahead of the game since we are already finger printed, back ground checked, and already have the adoption training for our job as houseparents. I am hopeful that we will have everything ready to go by summer, and then THE WAIT can begin.

Slow, yet Steady

I thought I would write an update on where we stand in the adoption process. I am pleased to write that we are making slow, yet steady progress! Last Wednesday was a bad day, and at the end of it I was feeling very discouraged. I had been making calls to different agencies in our area for over six weeks, and we had finally decided on two that had come highly recommended to us. The social workers at each agency had been researching how to do a home study as in depth as ours would have to be (since we have children living in our home that are in the custody of the state), and on the same day, both agencies called and told me that they would not be able to serve our family in facilitating an adoption. I was in tears, because all of my hope had been resting in them, and it seemed that we had no other options. In fact, I prayed that night that if adoption was not meant to be for us at this stage in our lives, that God would help me find contentment in my two wonderful daughters and in the girls that I work with. I started praying that my current situation would be enough for me. A little secret about me, I tend to get a bit obsessive about the things I am pursuing, and over the last six weeks it was like I had turned in to an adoption monster. I was scouring the Internet every free second I had and it was completely consuming me. I had the idea in my head that I had to be holding our baby by the end of the year, and if things didn't start working out, then my plan would fail. I completely forgot about His plan and His timing. So last Wednesday, my wise husband gently reminded me that while our quest for a baby was an awesome thing, if I didn't slow down a bit, I was going to miss Kate's toddler years and Emma's preschool years, and no baby in the world could replace that. He is so right, I just hadn't wanted to hear it. Ouch! That night I began praying for patience, perspective, and peace.

The very next day (Thursday), the children's home state case worker came out for a licensing inspection, and she told me that the state had approved the children's home adoption caseworker to do home studies for anyone that he could not hire or fire. That meant me! He was now allowed to complete our home study! And he has done them for houseparents before, so he knows exactly what he is doing! The only requirement the state gave, is that our home study would need to be facilitated by an adoption attorney. We were given the name of an attorney in our county who specializes in adoption, and we have an appointment scheduled for Friday morning. I am continuing to pray for patience, perspective, and peace, but I am feeling a bit more hopeful. It always seems as though when one door is shut, another opens. Please pray for us Friday morning! Not that things will work out the way that I want them to, but that they will work out in accordance with God's plan for our family. Please pray that we would find peace in the blessings that we already have, no matter the outcome of Friday's meeting. Thank you for checking in and for caring about our family.

Frustration

Today I am frustrated. We have only been on the adoption journey for a little over a month, but it is going nowhere! I have spent the past month on the phone, calling agency after agency, trying desperately to find somebody to complete our home study. Everybody tells me the same thing. Let us check with our licensing specialist about your living situation and call you back. Only they never call back. I am currently waiting to hear back from a social worker with Graceworks Lutheran Social Services. She actually has been very helpful, however, she is also checking with her licensing specialist and is going to call me back. Same old story. But at least she is keeping me updated on what she knows. She said she is simply crossing all the T's and dotting the I's, though she is not promising anything. She informed me that licensing specialists are hard to get a hold of because they are always out in the field and are seldom at their desks, but hopefully we will hear something soon.

I wish it were simple. We want a baby and have love to give. There is a baby out there who needs love and a place to call home. A family. Why can't we simply be matched? How great would that be? I know it is not that simple. I am just dreaming! Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts. We will not quit trying until every door is closed.

A Bump in the Adoption Road

I knew the road to adoption would be a long and bumpy journey, but I never expected to encounter a bump during the very first month. Much less the first week! The bump came when I began to get things in place for a home study. The agency we are looking at using to facilitate our adoption is not in our state, so I was told that I needed to find a licensed agency in the state of Ohio to conduct our home study. After the home study was complete, the results could then be mailed to our adoption agency. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong!

I started with calling some county caseworkers that I work with for my job, and was told that the county was required to do my home study if I wanted one, but that if I was not interested in adopting a child from that same county, then I would be at the bottom of the list (meaning that it could take months to get to me). There is so much waiting that happens during the adoption process, and I didn't want to have to wait to get the paperwork going, too Next, I begged my boss to allow Mid Western's adoption caseworker to do my home study, but was told that was a conflict of interest. I understand, but you can't blame me for trying. As a last option, I began calling private agencies here in Ohio to see if one of them would do our home study. The problem with a private agency, was that nobody could understand what we do for a living and nobody liked to hear that we had teenagers with behavior problems in our home. They all told me to mail in the application (and fee!,) and then they would see if they could complete the home study for our family. However, I didn't want to send in the money if it did not even sound promising on the phone. I was beginning to worry that the road to this adoption was closed before we even got started.

Then, last Thursday, the road smoothed out a bit. The counselor who sees the teens in my care came to campus for her weekly sessions. It turns out she is an adoptive mom four times over! She gave me the name of the agency who did all four of her home studies, and she even made a personal call to tell the caseworker she worked with about our living situation, and she verified with that agency that the girls in my care would not pose a threat to an infant being brought into our home. Insert huge sigh of relief and answered prayer.

I am now waiting for the caseworker of that agency to call me back and tell me exactly what would be involved with a home study like ours, and she should get back to me this week. They will have to interview the girls in my care (which might be scary!), and I will have to pay a home study addendum fee for every girl that comes and goes during this entire process (which could add up!), but at least she is willing to work with us. She said that even though our case is more complicated, it is definitely doable! So, hopefully we can get started with the process next week. I finally feel as though we are getting somewhere. I didn't realize that getting everything organized in the beginning can be a full time job! But it is so worth it. We know there is a baby out there that is meant to be a part of our family.

We have not decided fully on whether we will choose domestic or international adoption, but to be honest, right now my heart is drawn to domestic. I don't know why, but it just is. However, I am open to wherever God leads us! We are hanging in there. This is just the beginning. I can already tell that this whole process is going to grow my patience in a mighty way! While I could talk about adoption every single day, I plan on doing a couple of posts each month to let you know how things are progressing. I am still hopeful that we could be holding our tiny bundle by the end of the year!

The Journey Begins

On January 1st, 2008, Boss and I began what will be one of the most important journeys in our lifetime. The journey to our third child! And while I am not carrying a child inside of my womb, our entire family is carrying this child in their hearts. It is the most amazing feeling!

I am not sure when my desire to adopt began, but I believe that it has been growing in my heart for a very long time. I have always loved Lifetime movies, and the ones about adoption were always my favorite. When I was in high school,l I decided I wanted to be an adoption caseworker when I grew up. And while I am not an adoption caseworker at this point in my life, I do work with adopted children every day, and beginning this journey to my own child is like nothing I have ever experienced before!

Boss honestly says that he never really thought much about adoption until he married me. He also never thought he would be a houseparent, and look how AWESOME he is at it now! I think his dream of adoption grew very slowly, but nevertheless he is as ready as I am to hold our baby! I feel so blessed to have a Godly husband who desires the same type of family life that I have always dreamed of.

We talked about adoption shortly after we had Emma, and we even went to a couple of adoption fairs, but at that point in our live,s I was either too young or we did not have the financial means to adopt a child. So we patiently began waiting until the time was right. We tried again to start the adoption process after Emma turned one, but the day we were going to mail in our application was the day we found out that Kate was on her way. So we decided to enjoy the two miracles God had given us, and the subject of adoption went on hold again.

Yet here we are a year and a half later, and the time finally feels right. We began talking seriously about adoption and researching agencies a few months ago, but I was waiting for Boss to take the lead. He did this in a very romantic way! We had been talking about trading in our two cars for a 12 passenger van, and on the night we were driving our new van home he said, You know what this means, don't you? The time is right. Now you can fill this van full of babies! Okay, he didn't really say we could fill it full of babies, but he did say we could start the process for number three. I'm telling you...it was better than a proposal! He just asked that we wait until the first of the year. So, I filled out our basic information form and left it on my desk until after New Years Eve.Then bright and early on January 1st, I marched over and faxed in our very first adoption form to our agency of choice! I smiled all the way to the fax machine! Since then we have found an agency to do our home study and we are being mailed the actual application to begin the program.

Adoption can be quite a lengthy process, and I know we have only just begun, but I am already thinking of our new little one daily. At this point we don't care if our baby is a boy or girl, or if he or she is red, yellow, black, or white. Emma wants rainbow! We are completely open to whatever baby God has for our family! Though this journey will be a long one and I am sure we will encounter many bumps along the way, I am positive that when we hold that little miracle in our arms it will all be worth it.