I LOVE to Love You

(Couple's Valentine Dinner 2013)

I have always been a big fan of love. I tell my children almost daily that I LOVE love. And I do. I love the way love makes my heart feel, all bursting, and full, and warm. I love love letters, and romantic movies, and grand gestures. I love intimacy, and sharing secrets, and stolen looks across the room. And holding hands. Holding hands is my favorite. I love building a life with my best friend. And I love the way that Boss still knows how to make me feel beautiful, even though a decade and four babies together has changed my body significantly.

But love isn't always easy. In fact, it often requires much hard work.

We live in a self centered society. Or perhaps, it really isn't even about the society that we live in, though I do believe that plays a part. Perhaps we are self centered because we are sinful beings and selfishness comes naturally to us. I may not always like me, but I always love me. I love having things go my way. I love doing things on my own time. I love being right. I love having alone time, time to focus on my goals and my dreams.

But really, that's not love.

Love is not selfish. Love is selfless.

Love is less of me, less of what I want, or think, or feel, and more of others. My sweet husband is so good at loving me. He shows me love in the way he rises early with our early birds, so that I can rest longer. He shows me love through forgiveness, always humble in offering an apology if he feels he has wronged me in any way (trust me, 'sorry' is not always an easy word for me to say!). Boss shows me love by helping out around the house, rubbing my tired pregnant feet, and by listening to my dreams.

We forget that true love is most often best displayed more through the doing and less through the feeling.

Love letters and grand gestures are nice, but love must also be present in the day to day. In the little ways that too often go unnoticed and unappreciated.

For Valentine's Day this year, I decided that I wanted to show Boss some love. A bit of a grand gesture combined with serving and doing. An evening set aside to cater to him, to meet his needs, and to make him feel special. I got some girlfriends on board (who also wanted to pamper their hard working husbands!) and we set the ball in motion!


(The Table)

We had our men meet up at one of the houses, while we went to a different house to prepare for our romantic evening in.Then we sent our guys a text message that started them on a scavenger hunt. Their first assignment was to purchase bow ties to wear to the dinner we were preparing for later that night! Can you even imagine three men in their thirties holding up bow tie after bow tie to see which one best coordinated with their outfit? Hilarity!

(Studly Husbands in Bow Ties)

While the men were out scavenging, the ladies were preparing them a meal of steak, homemade mashed potatoes, and asparagus.

(My Talented in the Kitchen Friend, Kristin)

(Cute Heather Rockin' Her Apron)

 And we each took special care to prepare our husbands favorite dessert. It was a beautiful evening of a delicious candlelit meal, laughter, friendship, and serving the great men that so often serve us. There was also plenty of sweet stolen looks and much hand holding. Did I mention that hand holding is my favorite? The evening was a beautiful combination of grand gesture meets everyday love.

(Boss, My Forever Valentine)

I am so thankful to have a husband who is so very patient with me. It has taken me many years to figure out this thing called love. This thing that is less about feeling and more about doing. This thing that is less about me and more about him. I don't always get it right. But I'm working on it, every single day, in all the little ways.

Boss - I love you! I will always LOVE to love you! Happy Valentine's Day!

P.S In case I forgot to tell you, you looked incredibly studly in your bow tie!

(Boss Speaks my Love Language)

From Ladders to Lessons

(Mama and Luke)

Last Friday night, Boss and I got fancied up to attend a benefit auction for the children's home where Boss is employed. Boss is the principal of the school that serves many residents from the children's home, as well as children from surrounding school districts that are bused in each day.

Many moons ago (do people really say that?), Boss worked for corporate America. Before we met he was an insurance salesman, and during our months of dating and early marriage he was a retail manager for Champs Sports. So I suppose you could say that being a boss (literally) and a salesman have always been in his blood. He was good at what he did. Very good. He won many awards and much recognition, and there was a time when we dreamed about his career in retail management going far. All the way far. All the way to the top! In our minds, he was climbing the corporate ladder one rung at a time. It didn't matter that he worked sixty to eighty hours a week. No pain, no gain! Right?

 But then we got pregnant.

And suddenly that silly old ladder didn't seem nearly as important to us as it once did. If I was at home with the children while Boss was at work 'climbing' away, if he left the house before the children woke in the morning, came home after they were already in bed for the night, missed worship services, and dance recitals, and ball games, would it even matter to us once he reached the very top of the ladder? Would it even be worth it? For our family, we decided the answer to that question was a resounding NO. Because more than likely, in the end, he would have been be standing at the top of that corporate ladder alone, while the children and I were at home going about the family life that we had created without him. So just like that our focus shifted. And we decided then and there that the only type of ladder we ever wanted to climb would be one that we could climb together. So Boss, with my input, began to pursue other lines of work.

Looking back, Boss and I can honestly say now that we wished we had pursued some sort of family business or trade when we were looking to make a change in our lives. Something that we could have worked together, side by side, including our children as they grew. But we didn't even think to head in that direction at that early point in our marriage. Instead, we focused on his pursuing a career that would allow for as much family time as possible. Boss obviously had to make a living, but our first priority was to be together as much as we possibly could be. Boss' second priority was working a job that 'mattered'. Not that most jobs are not necessary in the world that we have come to live in, but if Boss was to be away from us for any length of time each day, he wanted to feel good about how he was spending that time.

Eventually, after several months of prayer, Boss decided on the field of education. At that time there was a shortage of teachers in certain states and alternative certification programs were available to anyone who qualified. So, Boss hopped on board, and after one summer of hard work he was a teacher! And I think he would tell you that was one of the best decisions he has ever made. He no longer climbs a ladder, but he spends his days investing in the lives of those who may one day climb. And he is still a salesman. Only now, instead of selling insurance or shoes, he spends his days selling children on the idea that being all that God created you to be and making something of your life is important! He is home early most afternoons. He is off on weekends, holidays, and for the entire summer each year. He is active and present in our home and in our children's lives. And I couldn't be more proud of him.

It isn't always easy. Trying to raise a family on one income, and a smaller income at that, is often a difficult task. We have to work together to pinch pennies (Boss is far better at this than I am), I help out with taking on other small jobs when I can, and we don't always know how we are going to make ends meet. But God has always provided. He has always been faithful to open doors right when we needed them opened the most. And I know that God will continue to be faithful.

We have no idea where our path will take us. Sometimes I dream that God still plans on using Boss in big ways for his kingdom, like Boss' journey has only just begun. Sometimes I am content if what we have is all there ever is. Sometimes we still dream of starting that family business and working each day side by side. But I do know that no matter what, family will always come first. And to us, that is more important than any ladder ever could be.

My Castle in the Air

(Two of My Children, for Whom the Castle is Being Built)

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

When you choose to live life a bit differently than the rest of the world, sometimes that life can be lonely. Some days it feels as though it would just be easier to choose the broad road, to walk along with the rest of the world, to blend in a bit more.

We began homeschooling our children four years ago.

Homeschooling wasn't something that we set out to do. In fact, it sort of found us when we weren't even looking for it. At the time our oldest child was to begin Kindergarten, I was working a 'job' that required most of the afternoon and evening hours of my day. I knew that if I put my tiny one on the bus, she would arrive home each afternoon right when my 'job' was to begin. When would I help her with homework? When would we snuggle? When would she have my undivided attention? So our homeschooling journey began.

And somewhere along the way, our family fell in LOVE with it.

I LOVE that I am the main influence in my children's lives.
I LOVE that my children are each other's greatest friends.
I LOVE that I am in charge of what goes into my children's heads and hearts.
I LOVE that my children are relaxed, without the weight of the world pulling at them.
I LOVE that my children are free to be children.
I LOVE that I can teach my children about God, just as I can teach them how to read.
I LOVE that for my children, family comes first and friendships are second.
I LOVE that my children can learn real life skills, just as they can learn academics.

So many things to LOVE. And now I can't imagine schooling my children any other way.

Until I lose focus, and my eyes start drifting towards another's path. I see women dropping their children off at a school building before heading to the gym and think that would be nice (except for the gym part). I see women heading to jobs where sometimes they simply earn 'fun' money for themselves and think fun money would be nice. I see women sitting quietly at Panera Bread, sipping a latte, while reading their Bible (all while I am cleaning up spilled milk, spooning soup into little mouths, and trying to train three children how to be quiet and appropriately behaved in a restaurant) and think ahhh, quiet sounds nice. I see women who have time to devote themselves to their passions or hobbies and think what's a hobby? I think no differently of these women who have chosen to do life differently than I have, as we each have the right to choose our own path, but sometimes looking at another's path begins to make me doubt my own.

But then I remember. I began building a castle in the air a long time ago. Long before Boss was by my side. And in my castle there were many children, family unity, a strong faith, a full table. A bond so strong that nothing could break through the castle walls. And I know full well that I am right where I should be. And these years of constant training, and children all at home, and the teaching and the learning are all part of the foundation of my castle in the air.

We are on the right path. Even on the lonely days, the days where being different feels too heavy, we are still building. Working towards something greater. Building, together, the very castle that I have always dreamed of.

Snow Day

(LOVE my two boys!!)

(Jack LOVED the snow! For about 15 minutes..)



(Kate did great until her sled landed her at the base of a tree!)

(Who ever said DIVA'S do not like the great out of doors?!)

(Emma is my brave child! No hill is too steep, no sled fast enough!)

(LOVE those grins!)

Happy day two of the month of LOVE! And there is nothing my children
love more than a good snow day!

Love

(my littlest love for a few weeks more)

Today was of the bitter cold variety. The children and I had to venture out though, so we bundled up and made the best of it. When we came to a break in our day, I agreed to let them run off their energy at the mall play place while I sipped a hot chai tea (you can do these relaxing sort of things when you have an eight year old who is willing to be boss). While I sat and sipped, I observed the other families that were there to play.

There was the distracted mother, whose eyes never left her cell phone, while her child ran frantically in circles and lept like a mad man from structure to structure. There was the tired mother who barked orders at her children while never leaving her seat. There was the sweet grandmother who did her best to keep up with her granddaughter, but no matter how hard she tried she was no match for the little one in her care. And then there was the loving mother who obviously took great delight in her tiny twin daughters. She disciplined firmly (when one daughter hit the other) without ever raising her voice. She constantly touched her children, a loving stroke on the back, a pat on the head. It was clear that mothering was her joy.

And I wondered as I watched, what do people see when they observe me?

I have certainly been the distracted mother. In fact, fighting the pull of the screen is a daily battle, one I am ashamed to admit I don't always win. Most days I feel the tired mother's pain, and while it is my goal to never raise my voice in anger (a gentle answer turns away wrath), I don't always succeed in that area, either. And even though it is my deepest hearts desire to be more like the loving mother that I witnessed today (though I am certain had I asked her, seeing as she is human, she would have rattled off her own list of things she was working on, too!), the honest truth is that so often I fall short.

Because the loving is easy. It's the living of that love on a daily basis that can suck the strength right up on out of you. Love is the laying down of yourself for the good of another, and who of us wants to lay anything down? We cling to our screens, our seats, our anger, and we don't want to let go. Not realizing that the letting go is what leads us to the love.

And didn't God let go, let go of his only son, so that He could show us a radical love? Didn't Christ lay down his life in order to lead us into a loving relationship with our Father? And shouldn't we be willing to do the same? For our husbands? For our children? For the man on the corner? Lay down ourselves, so that others might see our love?

It's February now. The very first day of the month of love (as I call it). And I want to think on these thoughts as I go throughout my days. What love really is and how I can show love to others. Love is what I want people to see when they see me. Not my screen in my face, not my tiredness, not the frustration that life with little ones can bring.

Just love in spite of all of those things.