my heart overflows

As I near the end of this pregnancy, I find that along with my body that is beginning to slow, so are my words. My thoughts are many, but my words are few. Gratitude for this simple life that I have been so blessed with is filling up all of the extra space that is not being filled up by my sweet new son.

My heart overflows.

You all know that we recently moved back home into staff housing (a darling little duplex) on the children's home campus where Boss works, where we previously served as houseparents for five years. Only now we live across the street from our old house where we used to live with our foster girls. And you want to know something? I used to sit across the street, in my old living room, and stare at this little duplex. Towards the end of my house parenting days I was a bit overwhelmed. My heart was torn in so very many directions. I loved both my family and our foster girls with all that I had, and I never felt like there was enough of me to go around. If I was being a good foster mom, I was not always being the mama that my own children needed. And if I was being a good mama to my three, I went to bed feeling as though I had not met the needs of the teenagers that day. I loved with most of my being, and finding balance was not my strong suit. So I stared at this little duplex. At the time, my friend (who is an exemplary mother) called the duplex home. And sometimes, if the blinds were left open, I would see her sitting on the couch chatting with her teenage daughter, sharing life together in the same way that I want to share life with my own daughters when they are teenagers. And I secretly told God that I wanted that. I wanted to be here in this place, on this campus which is our home, and I wanted a season to be just mama to my children. It was more of a wish, but I knew that God knew the longings of my heart. And today here I am.

God's blessings are not lost on me. He heard my heart longings and he provided. It was not on my timing, but it was in his. And it has turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined. Because today I sit here, full term with my second son. And Boss is asleep downstairs, our first son resting soundly next to him. And the girls are upstairs snug in their beds. The school room is almost put together, the crib has been assembled, our table is small, but with just enough space for our family of six. Tiny newborn clothes await a washing and my hospital bag sits by my bed. And it all feels like a dream, this blessed life that I am living.

There are hard days, for sure. Boss is running all over town, keeping Fieldcrest Lane market ready while continuously putting our home together here. Emotions are running high with all of the change that has taken place and with the anticipation of a new brother to be added to the bunch any day now. And there are still financial stresses. But mostly there is peace. Peace and gratitude. Because the baby will come when he is ready, and when we leave the hospital? We will bring him home. To this place. This place that I longed for, perhaps without really knowing that I longed for it, but God provided it for our little family anyway.

My heart overflows.

good stuff

a tale of twenty five dollars

So, he did it again.

Remember this story? The one where I shared that God so generously provided for all of our needs, right down to the very last penny? Well, he did it again. God came through for our little family once more. I don't know why God consistently shows up. I am certainly undeserving of the constant reminder that he hears, he cares, and he is in control of all things. But there is nothing cooler than when we can see God at work in our lives. Of this I am convinced.

****

Boss and I know of a family in need, so I suggested that Boss pull out an extra twenty five dollars last Wednesday evening when we were at the bank. My thought was to gift this other family with the money, so that perhaps they could buy a meal out this coming week. My hope being to ease a bit of their stress. Obviously twenty five dollars is nothing big. It would only be a little something, but I am into 'little somethings' these days. Little somethings are a good place to start. And who is to say that little somethings will not one day turn into big somethings? But I digress.

So, I asked Boss for the money. Boss hesitated. Not because Boss is uncaring, but because he is the one who handles our finances and he knows how much is currently in our account. Or isn't in our account. Things will remain a bit tight until our property on Fieldcrest Lane sells. To be honest, Boss and I argued a bit over whether we should pull the twenty five dollars out or not. It was not our best moment, but in the end, giving to others won out and the money was withdrawn. We both desperately want to become people who are faithful with little, so out the money came, with us specifically discussing that God is faithful and able to provide for our needs right down to the very last penny.

Fast forward two hours and our family entered the church building for Wednesday evening services. A sweet woman, whom I have recently loved getting to know, approached me and handed me a card. She told me (as she always does) that she had been thinking of and praying for our family, and that she wanted to give us a little something. Some fun money to buy pizzas for an easy supper after the new baby arrives, or to use sooner for whatever need we had. We chatted a bit more, I thanked her, and then she walked away. As we got in the car to drive home that evening, I opened her card. Care to guess how much money was inside? You guessed it.

Twenty five dollars.

The exact amount of money that Boss and I had been arguing over taking out of the bank to share with another, this sweet lady so generously shared with us. On the very same night. Feel free to call it coincidence if you like. But I prefer to believe that it is just another way for God to show that he hears, he cares, and he is in control of all things. Right down to the very last penny, God will provide.

the very real me

(source)

(This post is linked to Raising Arrows Welcome Home Wednesday)

Oh, goodness me, I am a dreamer.

I dream of a happy marriage and many children. I dream of making our home a haven. I dream of family adventures, a cute little camper to travel the country in. I dream of writing words that make a difference in the world around me. I dream of living a life that matters, of serving others until it hurts to do so. I dream of being more, of doing more. I dream big.

And sometimes, if I am being completely honest, those sweet children that I said were part of the dream (and they are), and that home that I want to make into a haven, sometimes I feel as though they get in the way of me finding the real me. Because surely there must be more! I sometimes feel that if only I could push it all aside, if I could lay the responsibility down, then maybe I could really shine! If I could peel back the layers of motherhood and homemaking, then maybe I could find what it is that I am meant to do. Who I am meant to be. Maybe I could find the very real me. And it's true. Sometimes I am so busy living in the land of my dreams, that I forget to live life well in my reality.

But God has been teaching me. He is always teaching me.

This motherhood and homemaking is for but a season. And a short one at that. God, in his infinite wisdom, designed it that way. There will come a time when my body will no longer be capable of carrying a child. I will always be a mama, but one day my chicks will leave the nest (and then I will sob like a baby). And I will always be the keeper of our home (wherever that may be), but the day will come when my responsibilities to our home will be less. The load will lighten. And then I will be free to pursue other callings. But for today, for right now, my calling is here. In my home and with my children. And there is no other setting that I am better suited to shine than this very setting that the Lord has placed me! For this very season! I am doing exactly what I was meant to do. Mama is who I am meant to be.

And I can't tell you how freeing this lesson learned has been.

My current job is to live the life I have been given well. To love, nurture, and care for my husband. To raise my children to be disciples for Christ. To make our home a haven. These roles make up the very real me and they are enough. I don't have to keep searching. My calling is clear.

brilliant, and beautiful, and brave

I recently made a new friend (love that!). We drove home together from an event the other night and as we rode along we went through the usual 'get to know you' small talk. My new friend began to tell me of  her young daughter. Her face lit up when she shared with me all of the qualities that she loved about her girl. She used words like brilliant, and beautiful, and brave. And I could actually feel the love and admiration that this mama had for her child flowing right out of her heart.

 

And I wondered, do I speak of my beloved children often enough in a positive light?

 

Being a mama is hard work and our sweet children often get a bad rap for being, well, for just being children. As mama's, we talk about how noisy they are, how much bickering can happen amongst siblings, how our little one still won't use the potty consistently (this is a current in my world). And sometimes the talking is okay (though do make sure your sweet children are not within ear shot!). It's nice to know we are not alone in the mama world. But for all of the negative talking that we do, we need to make sure that positive talk of our children, their behavior, their unique gifts is happening all the more. And sometimes we need to positive talk where our children can hear us! Our children need to know that we are proud of them. That we are privileged to be their mama. Every child should have the honor of hearing his or her mother say that they are brilliant, and beautiful, and brave. 

 

So tonight I am going to shine some love on my sweet Kate. My middle child that I never want to feel as though she were overlooked.

 



 

Somewhere amidst the crazy that has been this past month, my Kate turned into a reader. Every day she wants to read! The same books over, and over, and over again. And she always laughs at the same silly parts. (I love her laugh!) Teaching Kate how to read took two whole years. It did not come easy. But it was important to her, so she never grumbled, complained, or gave up. And now she is soaring and is so, so proud of herself. I am proud of her, too. And I find her to be brilliant.

My Kate has twinkly eyes and the very best smile. She has a tender heart. She loves nurturing small children, playing with dolls and stuffed animals, skipping and laughing with her little friends. Kate loves all of God's creation, every animal and person. As we were moving, she collected all of the change that she found (under couch cushions, behind the fridge), so that she could give it to Jesus to help another in need. (Lest you think she is perfect, she also announced that she would be keeping the dollar bills that she found for herself...) Kate's heart overflows with compassion for this world. I find my daughter to be beautiful.

This world can be scary. People, especially other children, can often be mean. But Kate sees the best in everyone. If a child is left alone on the playground, Kate will be their friend. If Boss or I say something that is not nice about another, Kate is quick to remind us about using uplifting words. If Kate is ever unkind, her heart truly grieves over her sin. Including others, being a good example, admitting when you are wrong... all of those things are hard for most adults, but they come easy to Kate. She is not scared to walk a different path than the rest of the world. My daughter is brave.

Our children are not a season to be endured. They are amazing gifts to be celebrated! Crafted and given to us specifically by our Maker. Our children are brilliant, and beautiful, and brave. As their mama's, let's make sure that they know it.