from our autumn days

Life Lately

Life has been busy in our little world. The good kind of busy. The busy that involves the daily doings of raising four children, sharing conversation and community with friends that we cherish, and really just celebrating life. All the many parts of it.

Somewhere in the span of the calendar pages turning, Boss and I celebrated ten years of marriage. A decade of love. To be honest, the night we had set aside to celebrate together did not go as planned. Luke was two weeks old at the time, we were tired, and we both said things that we should not have said. But at the end of the day, there is still no one else on earth that I would rather be sharing my days with. Both the good days and the bad ones. For me, Boss is it. And I thank God that he feels the same way about me. We ended our anniversary with I'm sorry and I love you. And I looked into the eyes of the man that I love and I prayed for many decades more.

Two weeks after our anniversary, this little fella turned one month old.

Luke is such a sweet little love. He reminds me most of his biggest sister, as he is a content, quiet little guy. Unless he wants to eat. Then he makes sure you are aware of his hunger. For the first time ever I am committed to nursing, and I will say that I love seeing my tiny guy begin to fill out. Our bodies are awesome and this entire process of pregnancy, birth, and then nursing my infant for nourishment reminds me every single day that there is a God. The way he designed the creation and sustainment of life is nothing short of amazing to me.

What else?

Yesterday this sparkly eyed girl turned seven. Seven years old. Kate was our most challenging child during the first two years of her life, but she has grown up to be the most charming and delightful little girl! She is a wonderful daughter and the very best sister. I love her so much and I am blessed to be her mama.




























Jack is now potty trained. We started working on it the very same week that we brought Luke home from the hospital. You know. Because I had nothing else on my agenda. But I am so proud of my biggest boy! He may or may not have recently gotten in trouble for showing every single person that he meets his new underwear (which involves dropping his drawers for all the world to see), but in his defense, Batman is pretty cool.

And then there is Emma. She is such a help to me! The perfect oldest child to our crew. Lately she is maturing so much and growing up before my very eyes. I am thankful she is mine.

 So that is a glimpse into the life of our family lately. Our life that is good, and sweet, and exhausting, and challenging, and hard, and wonderful all wrapped up in one. And I am thankful for all of it. For every one of our days together.

Recently our church family lost a wonderful man. Boss and I often list the couples ahead of us in this life that we admire, that we want to grow to be like and to model our family life and marriage after. Only two couples ever make our list. This man and his wife are one of those two couples and my heart is so saddened over his passing. But I will tell you this. Knowing him and now watching his wife tread through these dark days so gracefully, most definitely makes me want to know God more deeply. Knowing them makes me want to live each day more fully. Together. As a family.

I know that the Lord is at work. All around us and in our family. And I am so very thankful for this life that I have been given and for the people that I am blessed to share it with.

you are my sunshine

 

(Luke Wesley - 1 week)

Loving Luke (A Birth Story)

On May 16, 2013 my heart grew just a little bit bigger when I held my fourth child for the very first time. A boy, our second son. Our Luke.

That morning I rose early. I knew I was going to  meet my new son that day and my mind would not rest. Boss and I lingered as we readied for the day, making the bed and putting away laundry. We talked of how when we came back to our home in the next two days that we would be coming back as a family of six. We talked of how adding Luke into our lives made everything in the world seem a little bit better. A little bit brighter. More complete. We finished dressing and packing our three older children for their time away at Grammies, and then we came together as a family and prayed. We thanked God for his creation of family and we thanked him for the new blessing that we would be welcoming that afternoon. We asked him to keep us safe while we were apart. And then our children left. And I cried (smile).

Boss and I checked in at the hospital at ten am, prepared for our induction to start at eleven am. Upon arrival we learned that we were looking at a two hour wait and we were told to come back at noon. Boss and I got some breakfast, we alerted friends and family of the delay, and then we sat quietly, content to simply be together. It was crazy how much love I felt for that man in those moments. A decade of love seemed to pass in the blink of an eye and here we were welcoming baby number four. Crazy.

We arrived back at the hospital at noon and I was taken into a room at twelve thirty. Room 3103. Now forever a sacred place in my heart. I looked at the empty isolette that would soon be holding my new son and I began to get excited! Boss and my darling friend were brought back shortly before one and by one thirty Pitocin was started and my bag of waters was broken.

 Luke did not tolerate the Pitocin well. With many of the contractions his heart rate would drop. The machine would sound and my heart would drop, too. The Pitocin was turned off and there was talk of a C-section if Luke continued to not tolerate labor well. My sweet nurse rolled me onto my stomach in hopes that that would help things to progress more smoothly. I believe I laid there for around two hours resting and praying that our baby boy would remain strong. I greatly wanted to be able to push him into this world.

Around five thirty pm things began to feel different and I knew that we were getting close. One of my most favorite parts of child birth is when the room becomes busy. When people start bustling about, preparing beds, and tying on scrubs for delivery. There is an energy to the room at that point and it always gives me the spark that I need to press on when I am beginning to feel the most weary. The doctor I had that day was super great, my nurse super kind. My friend was smiling by my side and Boss was whispering sweet nothings in my ear as they prepared the room for delivery. It was a grey day, cloudy, but just as I began to push, the sun poked through the clouds and warm rays of sunshine poured through the hospital window and filled room 3103 with a sweet glow. Boss whispered to me that since Luke's name meant light, he loved that just as our light was about to fill our lives that light was also filling the beautiful space around us.

As with each of my other children, I pushed for just a brief moment in time and then I was holding my new son. At five fifty pm, Luke Wesley took his first breaths and my life changed forever for the better. For the next hour Boss and I snuggled Luke and marveled at him. We took in the blink blinks of his eyes, counted his tiny fingers and toes, and found him to be absolutely perfect and amazing. Our precious baby number four.

My absolute favorite moments of that day were when our older children entered the room and took in their new sibling for the very first time. They each had a different reaction, one perfectly suited to their differing personalities. The first moments we spent together as a family of six were not perfect. I did not get the perfect picture. Jack was unimpressed. Yet still, they were my favorite moments. Ones I hope to close my eyes and recall for years to come. Because in those moments we were us. The new us, for the very first time. Our perfectly imperfect family. My dream come true.

Luke has added a new sweetness to our lives.

He is such a tiny little guy with a quiet, easy going spirit and soulful, inquisitive eyes. As with each of our other children, it is hard to remember that we ever lived life without him. Sometimes, when we are out and about, I want to pinch myself. I count the four little people that belong to me and I know that I am living it. My dream come true. And I am convinced that life does not get better than this. Loving Luke has been easy. It's as though it has always been.

Welcome to the world, Luke. Our lives are forever better because you are now in them.

Blessed Baby Boy (our Luke)

Luke Wesley Perrin

May 16, 2013

5 Pounds 15 Ounces

20 Inches Long

Adored by Boss, Mama and

big siblings Emma, Kate, and Jack

A Letter to Luke

Dear Luke,

Tomorrow will be one of the very best days of my life. Tomorrow will be your birthday. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

For nearly two weeks I have not written in this space, but have instead been silent, my heart and mind able to focus on nothing but your coming. How does a mama properly prepare to meet the newest love of her life? How does she savor the final days of carrying her baby inside, her belly heavy with child? How does she store deep in her heart the way that it feels when her son moves inside of her and how can she hold on to the feeling of the gentle sway of his small body as he shifts? These things my heart wonders. So I have been silent. Content to simply take it all in, as tonight you rest under my heart, yet tomorrow, Lord willing, you will rest in my arms. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

These past two weeks have been long ones. My body is tired. Sleep has not come easy. There were many nights where I thought tonight is the night he is coming! only to wake the next morning disappointed. It has been emotionally draining. For so long now I have wanted to meet you. And tomorrow I get to. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

I wonder what you will look like, my sweet child number four. Will you have hair? Dark, thick brown hair? Or some other color that would be a marvelous surprise? Or perhaps you will be beautifully bald. Emma and Kate cannot wait to meet you. For sure you will be smothered in love by those two who have already dubbed themselves your second and third mama's. Jack cannot wait to teach you how to eat ice cream and how to fake burp. Such serious things a young boy must learn from his big brother. Your daddy cannot wait to hold you. I know he will cry when they place you in his arms. He always does. And me? I cannot wait to see the blink blink blinks of your baby eyes as you take in the new world around you. I cannot wait to stroke your soft skin, to nuzzle your small body close on my chest, to breathe in your baby smell. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Luke Wesley Perrin, never doubt that you were wanted from the very beginning. Never doubt that you are loved. Forever and ever. You are my son. The baby that I prayed for, that my heart desperately longed for. I love you to moons on sticks and back again.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

Love, Mama

my heart overflows

As I near the end of this pregnancy, I find that along with my body that is beginning to slow, so are my words. My thoughts are many, but my words are few. Gratitude for this simple life that I have been so blessed with is filling up all of the extra space that is not being filled up by my sweet new son.

My heart overflows.

You all know that we recently moved back home into staff housing (a darling little duplex) on the children's home campus where Boss works, where we previously served as houseparents for five years. Only now we live across the street from our old house where we used to live with our foster girls. And you want to know something? I used to sit across the street, in my old living room, and stare at this little duplex. Towards the end of my house parenting days I was a bit overwhelmed. My heart was torn in so very many directions. I loved both my family and our foster girls with all that I had, and I never felt like there was enough of me to go around. If I was being a good foster mom, I was not always being the mama that my own children needed. And if I was being a good mama to my three, I went to bed feeling as though I had not met the needs of the teenagers that day. I loved with most of my being, and finding balance was not my strong suit. So I stared at this little duplex. At the time, my friend (who is an exemplary mother) called the duplex home. And sometimes, if the blinds were left open, I would see her sitting on the couch chatting with her teenage daughter, sharing life together in the same way that I want to share life with my own daughters when they are teenagers. And I secretly told God that I wanted that. I wanted to be here in this place, on this campus which is our home, and I wanted a season to be just mama to my children. It was more of a wish, but I knew that God knew the longings of my heart. And today here I am.

God's blessings are not lost on me. He heard my heart longings and he provided. It was not on my timing, but it was in his. And it has turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined. Because today I sit here, full term with my second son. And Boss is asleep downstairs, our first son resting soundly next to him. And the girls are upstairs snug in their beds. The school room is almost put together, the crib has been assembled, our table is small, but with just enough space for our family of six. Tiny newborn clothes await a washing and my hospital bag sits by my bed. And it all feels like a dream, this blessed life that I am living.

There are hard days, for sure. Boss is running all over town, keeping Fieldcrest Lane market ready while continuously putting our home together here. Emotions are running high with all of the change that has taken place and with the anticipation of a new brother to be added to the bunch any day now. And there are still financial stresses. But mostly there is peace. Peace and gratitude. Because the baby will come when he is ready, and when we leave the hospital? We will bring him home. To this place. This place that I longed for, perhaps without really knowing that I longed for it, but God provided it for our little family anyway.

My heart overflows.

these are a few of my favorite things

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Most people seem to enjoy planning and preparing for a baby girl more than a baby boy. Not me. I love my two darling daughters to pieces, but baby boy things have always called to me. Always. Perhaps it is because I think baby boys look like tiny old men, and I think tiny old men are darling. I don't know. But I do know that with only four(ish) weeks left in this pregnancy, I have all things baby boy on the brain.

These are a few of my favorite things. I keep pinning them on Pinterest in hopes that some of my crafty friends and relatives will get inspired. (Remember, I am only crafty when it comes to making people.) But maybe a better plan would be to introduce my mother to Etsy, so she could just buy my favorite things for me? Or perhaps I should embrace the less is more attitude in all areas of life (including the area of decorating, shopping, and preparing for our new baby boy) and realize that whether my son is wearing a plain white onesie or a colorful one with attached suspenders really doesn't matter. He will be darling and dapper no matter what. Because he is mine and I already love him more than words can say. 

But nevertheless, a few of my favorite things for your viewing pleasure....

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 So there you have it. A few of my favorite boy things.

(And to address any questions or concerns you might have, yes, my son will be sporting leg warmers.)

thank goodness i'm crafty

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According to the above picture, I am quite crafty. Awesome. Because my craftiness is all I have going for me at the moment. My brain is gone. Perhaps the current person I am making is stealing my brain cells? I have no idea. All I know is that my brain is completely shot. Seriously.

Some examples:

- My mom kept my children one afternoon last week. After they returned, I could not find my diaper bag. I searched for a bit, came up empty handed, and then just assumed I had left my bag at my mom's house. Three days later I found my diaper bag. In the refrigerator. Right next to the fruit cups. And what is most alarming to me is not that I placed my diaper bag in the fridge in the first place. What is most alarming is that for three days, every single time I opened the fridge (which is quite often these days), I never once noticed a giant bag sitting on the second shelf. I have no words.

- My sweet friends recently threw me a small baby sprinkle, where my super talented and crafty (in more ways than making people, although she did conceive triplets..... naturally) friend blessed me with an adorable handmade quilt for my new son. With his name on it. And my first thought upon reading the name on the quilt was that is not how you spell Jack. Obviously. Because my new son's name is Luke. And it was awkward because I shared this revelation out loud. At that point I wished I had had no words.

- Back in January our small group at church planned a video scavenger hunt. Celebrate Cincinnati. Cool, right? We set the date for April 13th. And if anyone had asked, I could have told them the date. My oldest daughter has been practicing for a play this entire school year. The date of the play? April 13th. And if anyone had asked, I could have told them the date. But never once did I put the two dates together. I assumed (until just a few days ago) that I was attending both events until a friend on Facebook mentioned that she could not attend the scavenger hunt because she was attending my daughter's play. Duh. Clearly, so was I. What if my friend had not mentioned the fact that both events were on the same night? Where would I have wound up? The possibilities are endless.

- Our children attend two different home school cooperatives on two different days of the week. On Wednesday I drove to Monday's cooperative without thinking. The empty parking lot alerted me to the fact that I was at the wrong church building, so I headed back out in a different direction and took a new route........ back to the very same church building with the empty parking lot. No worries. The third time was the charm and we eventually wound up where we needed to be.

I have no clue when my brain will return. Or if it will return. I am slightly worried that I will live in this perpetual state of crazy forever. But hey, at least I'm crafty. There's always that.

sprinkled.... baby shower style

Yesterday, I was sprinkled with love by five of my most favorite women on the planet.

The more children you have, the less you expect people to celebrate the news of a new baby. As my brother so kindly pointed out the last time we spoke, our announcing number four was on his way was a bit like Apple announcing they were coming out with the iPhone six. It's no longer that big of an announcement or surprise. (I think my brother was kidding. Maybe.)

But we have received nothing but an outpouring of love over the news of our latest blessing, and it has been such a gift for my heart.

 

Yesterday, five of my dearest friends got together and threw Luke and I a little shower. Or maybe it was more of a sprinkle. A little sprinkle of love and joy for baby number four. The 'theme' was vanilla coke, because in my world there is no other drink on the planet. Except for diet vanilla coke, but I try and refrain while I am pregnant. So kind of me, I know. We chatted, and laughed, shared stories, and they blessed me with gifts for my new bundle of a baby boy. I felt so blessed and loved.

 

And I have decided that while announcing a new baby is no longer a new thing for our family, it is still an awesome thing. A desired, highly anticipated, much wanted thing. And we cannot wait for our new gift to join our family next month.

 

Thank you, friends, for blessing me. Thank you for your sprinkle of love.

 * all photographs courtesy of Heather Matthews Photography