time marches on

Y'all. It's been too long.

Moving was hard. Settling in was even harder. But I can honestly come to this space now, nearly four months later, and tell you that life is good. So, so good. We still miss our Ohio friends and family something fierce and those rolling hills will always hold a piece of our hearts, but Kansas is now home. And I LOVE that our family of friends is expanding and there is not much cooler than looking at a map and seeing all of the different dots that represent people and places that we love. I never in a million years dreamed that Wichita would be one of our dots, but God did and I fully believe that he has been preparing us for this time and place for years.

Our family just returned from a life changing experience, also known as Tulsa Workshop. Never in my entire life have I ever seen so many Christians gathered in one place. The singing.... there are not words to describe it, except to say that I felt a tiny thrill at the thought of what it will perhaps sound like when we all finally gather in heaven before the throne of God. It was amazing. And the speakers were inspiring, encouraging us to count the cost that is following Christ, but reminding us that there is no greater calling than to live our lives for him. But my favorite part? My most favorite part was walking amongst all of the booths representing different organizations from around the world that are committed to furthering the message and the love of Christ. Carpenter Place had a booth set up and Boss did a fabulous job of sharing his passion for what he does with others. There were also booths for disaster relief, and baby houses in Africa, and Adventures in Missions, and really, too many passions and callings were represented to name them all. There is nothing I love more than people who are following Christ, and within those bounds, following their own passions and dreams. It's beautiful to me, and it reaffirms that we are all here with different strengths and different callings, but for one purpose: to point to him in all we do. It was a great weekend and one that will be filling my soul in the weeks to come.

This coming Wednesday we will pack up our crew once more and head to Ohio for CCFSA's annual children's home conference. To say I am thrilled that Mid Western Children's Home is hosting the conference this year would be an understatement. I often want to pinch myself to make sure that this new life we are living is real. But it feels good and it feels right and I am excited to see what God has in store for our family in the months to come.

Did you know that our oldest son turned four last week? Oh yes, he did. Sometimes, when I am tired, I think about what life would be like if we had stopped having children after the girls. Can I admit this? There would be no more diapers and no more bottles. And no one would need help buckling their seat belt and we would all sleep blissfully through the night. Sicknesses would not hang around our home as long, with fewer people to pass the germs too, and sometimes Satan tries to convince my tired self that this big family idea is a crazy one. But then God gently reminds me that children were his idea in the first place, and if we had never had the boys then there would be less laughter in our home and far fewer kisses. I would not have a little gentleman who loves to open doors for 'his girls' and who dances with me in the kitchen when one of my favorite songs comes on. There would not be superheroes flying around my living room at any given hour of the day and I would never step on Lego's or Matchbox cars. Without my sons, life would be less loud and joyful and full, and I am forever thankful that four years ago God saw fit to make me a boy mama for the first time.

What else? Boss is working long hours, but when you are following your heart it never really feels much like work. The girls are happy. They are in ice skating and Kate is playing soccer for the YMCA (that's a cool story in and of itself that I will have to share sometime, reminding me once more that God is in the details). Luke has finally started crawling and it's pretty stinking adorable. Always needing to do things in his own way and in his own time, Luke has his own little way of getting around. He crawls with both of his hands and his left knee, but he drags his right leg along like a little gimp. He is the best and I often times find myself wanting to smooch him all over. I still dream of more babies filling our home, but only God knows how our baby story will wind up, and for the first time in a long time I can honestly say that I am content with letting him write our story however he sees fit. (As if he needed me to say that. Ha.)

So that's what we have been up to.... in a nutshell. Sometimes our days are full, sometimes they are slow. Sometimes we do school, sometimes we don't and opt for real life learning over the workbooks. Sometimes we are positive and hopeful, and sometimes we are weary and tired. But we are always trusting that God has a plan and that he is worthy to hold the pen in the writing of our family story. Thank you, as always, for sharing in our lives.

darling daughters

(Sisters. Best Friends.)

My darling daughters. It's late. I should be sleeping, but I cannot rest. My heart is sad, because your hearts are sad, and it's a fact that mama's hurt when their babies hurt. In three days we pull away from the only place you have both ever known as home, and tears are falling daily at the thought of saying goodbye to all that you love. To all that is comfortable and familiar to you.To all that has made you, you. And it's scary.

And my secret is that I'm scared, too.

I have NO idea if we have made the right decision. All I know is that I see God's hand everywhere, and I felt more pain at the thought of saying 'no' to God, than I did when I thought of saying goodbye. So we go, and it feels like your lives are over, but I promise you that they are not. In fact, your lives are really just beginning. In Ohio your roots dug in deep, grounding you to your God and to our family. But in Kansas? In Kansas, I pray that you learn to fly.

Because here's the thing.

You're still you. No matter where you go, you are still you and we are still us. And God is already there, so what is there to fear? And even though it looks like nothing good could possibly come of the next three days, when you feel despair my darling daughters, I want you to remember the cross. Remember that once the entire world lost hope, too. And when it seemed like everything was darker than dark, really, the miracle was just beginning. Because on the third day, Christ ROSE from the dead! And it was nothing the world could have ever imagined, but it was EXACTLY what this broken world needed. It took death for the new life to come, and it's the same for us. We are saying goodbye to the old, so that God can create something new. But we have to go all in. No holding back. We must give our all, if we desire God's hand to be over all.

And I am thankful, my darling daughters, that God gave you the gift of each other. The road is so much more bearable if we do not have to travel it alone. Lean on each other. Support each other. Make each other laugh when you only feel like crying. And when you think you might have lost your way, just reach out your hand. Your sister will be there to grab on tight.

Girls. Remember where you came from. Remember the people that you love, this place that you love. Store the memories up in your heart. Memories of porch times and frog catching, learning to ride your bikes around and around the circle and cookie baking with the big girls. But remember to leave room for new people and new places, too. I promise you that your heart is big enough to hold it all, both the old and the new. Remember that God KNOWS the plans that He has for your life and remember that God is good. He can be nothing else.

My darling daughters, a new chapter is beginning. And with this new chapter comes a new setting, a new cast of characters. But your story remains the same. God is only adding to it, making it more rich, and more beautiful, and more vibrant than the chapter before. One day you will have the pleasure of looking back and seeing how God has woven your story together, page after page, but today is not that day. So today we just grab hands, and press on. And we remember that the miracle is just beginning.

the one on hats

For 31 years I have worn hats.

 

Many years and many hats. And it's funny, because I'm not really even a hat girl. Sure, some of the hats I wore well for awhile before tossing them to the side. Some of the hats I tried out were attractive and suited my personality, but others were a complete bust. A totally wrong fit. Not the look that I was going for at all. And some of the hats I timidly tried out in the past, I still wear today. Now a completely comfortable fit, they are a part of who I have become.

I wear the hat of 'wife', and I do believe that hat suits me well. Sometimes wife looks attractive on me, and other times not so much, but I am learning as I go that it is not really about how I look in that hat anyway. It's about him, the other half to my whole. My partner. I don't wear the hat of wife to make myself look good. I wear my wife hat for Boss. To bring warmth to his life.

I wear the hat of 'mother'. Definitely a hat I tried on timidly at first, but now you couldn't pry that hat from my head if you tried. And sometimes my mom hat is frumpy, and it flops to the side, and certainly there are times it has seen better days. But sometimes my mom hat is so colorful and bright and I know in my soul that the best years are still to come. I love both versions of my mom hat because they are me on this journey, and I will wear that proudly all the days of my life.

I wear the hat of 'Christian'. You notice that I place this hat third, and not at the top of the list where it rightly belongs. This in the name of honesty. Because the truth is that my Christian hat gets pushed down. Every day. All the time. It's somewhere at the bottom of my increasingly crammed closet, but I do make sure and pull it out for special occasions. Like Sundays. And when I need something. I definitely wear my Christian hat when I need something. And it fits awkwardly, like it's not actually sure if it belongs on my head or not, but I slap it on anyway and hope that it fits 'good enough' to fool the masses, without ever really stopping to consider the fact that it does not fool God.

I wear other hats, too. I wear the 'homeschool mom' hat and the 'mom of a big(ish) family' hat. I wore my 'foster parent' hat for seven years. I have tried on the 'photography' hat and the 'runner' hat (that was perhaps the funniest hat of all), before deciding that neither hat was for me. I have worn the hat of both 'nursing mother' and 'bottle mother' and honestly, I liked both looks (gasp, to admit that in written word). I have never worn the 'have your child on a schedule' hat. I should wear the hat of 'homemaker' and 'cook' more often than I do. I wear the hat of 'reader' quite often, because other's hats always seem to be better looking than my own. I dream of wearing a 'writer of words that people read' hat. And if nothing is looking quite right on any given day, in any given season, at any moment of the year, then I go shopping for new hats. Because heaven forbid I should leave the house with a naked head. Because then people might see the exposed me, and then they will know. If I don't have a hat to hide behind, then people will know the truth: that I have no clue who I am.

For 31 years I have worn hat after hat, all in the name of finding myself.

And then yesterday, this:

"I stopped trying to find myself and decided to seek God." - Mark Batterson from his book All In.

To think that it really could be that simple. That there really might be a divine reason that I actually don't look good in a variety of different hats. To think that less really is more, and God really is more than enough. To think that in the releasing of the hats is where I would find God, and in Him is the very me I have been searching for all along. Oh, goodness gracious, the freedom I think I could find if I could really let it all go.

And simply seek God.

It's worth a shot, I do believe.

Lookout, Kansas, my naked head just might be coming your way.

the story of kansas

(Image found HERE)

So. Have you heard? Our family is moving to Kansas.

Oh, goodness gracious. Kansas! Three weeks from today, our family of six will pack up this darling duplex and head west to a state that never before existed to me outside of the Wizard of Oz (one of my girlies favorites, thanks to their Grandma).

I wish we could go to a cute corner coffee shop, grab a cup of chai tea, and I could share with you all of the incredible ways God has made himself known in this move. For sure and for certain, I've never known His presence more than I have in these past several weeks. It's a crazy peace that I have, despite the sadness of saying goodbye to our home and our family who will remain in these Ohio hills. But the way that I see it.... is that sometimes you just have to jump. In order to make room for God to work, in order to chase a crazy dream, in order to be obedient to God's call, sometimes you just have to jump and trust that He will catch you on the way down. So, we're jumping.

The crazy dream began nearly a decade ago.

 Boss and I were newly married, our oldest was then a one year old baby, and we were already tired of climbing this worlds never ending ladder. We were tired of the long hours spent on things that held no meaning, tired of spending our days, hours, minutes on gaining possessions we are promised will pass away. We longed for purpose. So, we flew to Albuquerque, New Mexico and there we found what we were looking for. We flew to Albuquerque to become house parents, to live with children who were not our own. Children who had been handed a rough lot in life and who needed the love and structure that only God's design of the family can fill. We served in Albuquerque for two years under the direction of a good man. A quiet leader with a sparkle in his eyes. Ivy Harper taught us what it meant to be selfless, to spend your days giving away the best that you had to offer to a hurting world. Ivy has passed on from this world now, but I wish that we had told him how his leadership greatly impacted our lives. How he shaped our vision for the future. I wish Ivy could know how he touched the life of my husband. From the very first time that Boss sat across from him in his home office, he knew that one day he wanted to lead like Ivy. And when he came to bed that night he told me as much. But we were young, and restless (and more than a little bit foolish), and after almost two years we moved on. We moved here, to our home in Ohio, where we have served with Mid Western Children's home for the past seven years. Mid Western is more 'home' to me than anywhere else on this earth, and our years here have been some of the best of our lives, I'm sure. But the dream of leading never left Boss' heart.

Fast forward to the middle of this past September, and a few crazy connections and one Christian Chronicle ad later and Boss had applied to be the CEO of Carpenter Place, a Christian children's home in Wichita, Kansas. Two days later they called for a phone Interview and two weeks after that we were heading down as a family to visit Carpenter Place in person. And all I can say is that God was there. We saw Him all over the campus, in the faces of the people that we met. And while our hearts literally broke at the thought of leaving 'home' and the life that we have built here, there is no denying that God was saying GO. So when they called to offer Boss the job, we said YES.

During his interview they asked Boss 'why Wichita'? And Boss answered, why Houston? Why Albuquerque? Why Pleasant Plain? Because we go where God calls. We try and follow His leading. We jump and trust that He will catch us on the way down.

That's the story of how Kansas came to be. That's the story of Boss' dream come true. And we are confident that right in the middle of the United States is right where God wants us to be.

So, we jump.

made for more

It's that time of year again. The time of year where the Boss man heads back to work, big yellow buses begin to roll by, and children everywhere head back to the classroom. Unless you are one of my crew. And then you stay home.

When Boss and I first made the decision to home educate (over four years ago, now), we knew there would be things we would be asking our children to 'give up'. The special first day of school excitement, the holiday classroom parties, skipping with a best friend to the playground after lunch, and the general feeling of goodness that comes with being a part of something that is larger than yourself. And sometimes when I think about it for too long, even four years later, I still get sad that my children are not a part of those things. I worry we have scarred them in some way by keeping them from the traditional American way of life.

But then I am reminded.

Deep in my heart I am reminded that my children were made for more than this world. They were put here for a purpose, to embrace their calling as a Christ follower should they choose to give Him their lives, to fulfill the plans that God has for them. Plans that include knowing God more and more each day and pointing others to Him on their journey. My children were not put here to get caught up in all of the current cultural trends, to be swept along with the world as it spins madly around and around again. And for all that my children have had to 'give up', there is one thing that they have gotten to keep. Each other. Our family does life together. Every single day, all day. The good, the bad, and the ugly of it. And that is what I love most about this journey of home education. I love that we do it together.

I know there are those who do not believe home education is for them. And personally, I am good with that. We all have different stories, different heart stirrings, and I believe if we are committing our ways to the Father he will guide us in the direction we should go. But for us, homeschooling provides the hope that we can hang on to our children's fragile hearts. For us, homeschooling allows us the day in and day out opportunity to mold the little people God has blessed us with into men and women of big faith. Soon enough our children will fly the nest and our steadfast prayer is that they will fly stronger and more assuredly because of their years spent in our home.

This year our focus is books, books, books. We will squeeze core work in, too, but the majority of our time will be spent with our noses in the cover of a good book. I want my girls to read solid stories about ordinary people who turned their lives over to an extraordinary God. I want them to see that God has had a plan all along. For his creation, for the people that lived in Bible times, for the country that we live in today. And I want my daughters to be inspired, to know that God has a plan for them, too. We will read about Christopher Columbus and Anne Frank. George Washington and Helen Keller. We will see how God continually uses faithful people to fulfill His purposes time and again and really, is there a greater lesson that my children could ever learn? I don't think so, and I am excited to see where this year will take us.

I don't know where you are in the story of your own life, but I want to dare you to dream BIG. To hand the writing of your story over to the very Author who created you in the first place. It is our prayer and the focus of our family this school year. The constant handing over of the pen, and then handing it over once again. And who knows? The beautiful chapter that we (you) have been longing for might only be but a page away.

on making it count

Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. (Hope Floats)

And that's where I am in life. In the glorious middle, striving and hoping every single day to make my days count. My middle finds me in Ohio, married to a really good man. A really good man that I do not deserve. He folds laundry and sweeps floors and washes dishes and changes diapers and earns the paycheck. He tells me that I am beautiful and he dances in the living room with our daughters and he makes our boys smile. I take him for granted and I shouldn't. My middle finds me the mama to four children, and my oldest is nine and most days pass too quickly for comfort. Because the only thing growing faster than my children's bodies are their feet, and the screen door swings open as they exit with the early morning sun and it doesn't swing back shut until that morning sun is setting low. And there are bellies to be filled and baths to be had and then it is off to bed with a kiss and an I love you. And as another day passes I wonder aloud, did this one count? Did I make the most of my day, my time, my life? Because you only get one. One life to make count. And the truthiest truth is that most days I feel like I didn't. I slept too long or sat too long or spent too many minutes reading about other's grand lives while wishing mine was something other than what it is, instead of determining to make my one life the happy that I dream of.

I read on a sign today that bold change requires bold commitment. And I want that bold change in my life. In the story of our family. Not change in our setting. Our setting is my happy place. And not change in our cast of characters. I wouldn't trade my family and friends for the world. The bold change that I long for is a bold change inside of me that spills outward and up and all around. The bold change that takes someone (me) from merely existing through life to fully embracing it. Because I am tired of busy and debt and extra weight. And I am tired of snappy tones and frustration and discontent. And I am tired of just 'waiting' until this or that happens and then and only then can our happy begin. Because our happy is now. Right here in this glorious middle. And I fear we are living some of our very best days and we don't even know it, because we are living our days in this world that is spinning out of control.

In the heavenly realm the first are last and the last are first. Less is most definitely always more and God is always more than enough. He is everything. But most days I don't choose to live with a heavenly mindset. I choose to get caught up in the current of our culture. Our world where the first and the prettiest and the wealthiest are the most important and where we can never have enough. Of what, I don't actually know. I live in a realm where God seems nice, but it doesn't seem like he is really real. At least not in an alive and active kind of way. So I walk around in this world where we have it all wrong, and I continually bump my head as I try to turn myself around. Because this world I am living in is exhausting and in the inner most places of my soul I know that I was made for more.

And so that is what I am seeking. This more. This more of God. And scripture says that if I empty myself before him then he will fill me up. And that if I seek him I will find him. And it will take bold commitment but it will be worth it for bold change. Bold change in this glorious middle where I currently find myself, so that at the end of my days I can find that they did indeed count.

Life Lately

Life has been busy in our little world. The good kind of busy. The busy that involves the daily doings of raising four children, sharing conversation and community with friends that we cherish, and really just celebrating life. All the many parts of it.

Somewhere in the span of the calendar pages turning, Boss and I celebrated ten years of marriage. A decade of love. To be honest, the night we had set aside to celebrate together did not go as planned. Luke was two weeks old at the time, we were tired, and we both said things that we should not have said. But at the end of the day, there is still no one else on earth that I would rather be sharing my days with. Both the good days and the bad ones. For me, Boss is it. And I thank God that he feels the same way about me. We ended our anniversary with I'm sorry and I love you. And I looked into the eyes of the man that I love and I prayed for many decades more.

Two weeks after our anniversary, this little fella turned one month old.

Luke is such a sweet little love. He reminds me most of his biggest sister, as he is a content, quiet little guy. Unless he wants to eat. Then he makes sure you are aware of his hunger. For the first time ever I am committed to nursing, and I will say that I love seeing my tiny guy begin to fill out. Our bodies are awesome and this entire process of pregnancy, birth, and then nursing my infant for nourishment reminds me every single day that there is a God. The way he designed the creation and sustainment of life is nothing short of amazing to me.

What else?

Yesterday this sparkly eyed girl turned seven. Seven years old. Kate was our most challenging child during the first two years of her life, but she has grown up to be the most charming and delightful little girl! She is a wonderful daughter and the very best sister. I love her so much and I am blessed to be her mama.




























Jack is now potty trained. We started working on it the very same week that we brought Luke home from the hospital. You know. Because I had nothing else on my agenda. But I am so proud of my biggest boy! He may or may not have recently gotten in trouble for showing every single person that he meets his new underwear (which involves dropping his drawers for all the world to see), but in his defense, Batman is pretty cool.

And then there is Emma. She is such a help to me! The perfect oldest child to our crew. Lately she is maturing so much and growing up before my very eyes. I am thankful she is mine.

 So that is a glimpse into the life of our family lately. Our life that is good, and sweet, and exhausting, and challenging, and hard, and wonderful all wrapped up in one. And I am thankful for all of it. For every one of our days together.

Recently our church family lost a wonderful man. Boss and I often list the couples ahead of us in this life that we admire, that we want to grow to be like and to model our family life and marriage after. Only two couples ever make our list. This man and his wife are one of those two couples and my heart is so saddened over his passing. But I will tell you this. Knowing him and now watching his wife tread through these dark days so gracefully, most definitely makes me want to know God more deeply. Knowing them makes me want to live each day more fully. Together. As a family.

I know that the Lord is at work. All around us and in our family. And I am so very thankful for this life that I have been given and for the people that I am blessed to share it with.

my heart overflows

As I near the end of this pregnancy, I find that along with my body that is beginning to slow, so are my words. My thoughts are many, but my words are few. Gratitude for this simple life that I have been so blessed with is filling up all of the extra space that is not being filled up by my sweet new son.

My heart overflows.

You all know that we recently moved back home into staff housing (a darling little duplex) on the children's home campus where Boss works, where we previously served as houseparents for five years. Only now we live across the street from our old house where we used to live with our foster girls. And you want to know something? I used to sit across the street, in my old living room, and stare at this little duplex. Towards the end of my house parenting days I was a bit overwhelmed. My heart was torn in so very many directions. I loved both my family and our foster girls with all that I had, and I never felt like there was enough of me to go around. If I was being a good foster mom, I was not always being the mama that my own children needed. And if I was being a good mama to my three, I went to bed feeling as though I had not met the needs of the teenagers that day. I loved with most of my being, and finding balance was not my strong suit. So I stared at this little duplex. At the time, my friend (who is an exemplary mother) called the duplex home. And sometimes, if the blinds were left open, I would see her sitting on the couch chatting with her teenage daughter, sharing life together in the same way that I want to share life with my own daughters when they are teenagers. And I secretly told God that I wanted that. I wanted to be here in this place, on this campus which is our home, and I wanted a season to be just mama to my children. It was more of a wish, but I knew that God knew the longings of my heart. And today here I am.

God's blessings are not lost on me. He heard my heart longings and he provided. It was not on my timing, but it was in his. And it has turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined. Because today I sit here, full term with my second son. And Boss is asleep downstairs, our first son resting soundly next to him. And the girls are upstairs snug in their beds. The school room is almost put together, the crib has been assembled, our table is small, but with just enough space for our family of six. Tiny newborn clothes await a washing and my hospital bag sits by my bed. And it all feels like a dream, this blessed life that I am living.

There are hard days, for sure. Boss is running all over town, keeping Fieldcrest Lane market ready while continuously putting our home together here. Emotions are running high with all of the change that has taken place and with the anticipation of a new brother to be added to the bunch any day now. And there are still financial stresses. But mostly there is peace. Peace and gratitude. Because the baby will come when he is ready, and when we leave the hospital? We will bring him home. To this place. This place that I longed for, perhaps without really knowing that I longed for it, but God provided it for our little family anyway.

My heart overflows.

a tale of twenty five dollars

So, he did it again.

Remember this story? The one where I shared that God so generously provided for all of our needs, right down to the very last penny? Well, he did it again. God came through for our little family once more. I don't know why God consistently shows up. I am certainly undeserving of the constant reminder that he hears, he cares, and he is in control of all things. But there is nothing cooler than when we can see God at work in our lives. Of this I am convinced.

****

Boss and I know of a family in need, so I suggested that Boss pull out an extra twenty five dollars last Wednesday evening when we were at the bank. My thought was to gift this other family with the money, so that perhaps they could buy a meal out this coming week. My hope being to ease a bit of their stress. Obviously twenty five dollars is nothing big. It would only be a little something, but I am into 'little somethings' these days. Little somethings are a good place to start. And who is to say that little somethings will not one day turn into big somethings? But I digress.

So, I asked Boss for the money. Boss hesitated. Not because Boss is uncaring, but because he is the one who handles our finances and he knows how much is currently in our account. Or isn't in our account. Things will remain a bit tight until our property on Fieldcrest Lane sells. To be honest, Boss and I argued a bit over whether we should pull the twenty five dollars out or not. It was not our best moment, but in the end, giving to others won out and the money was withdrawn. We both desperately want to become people who are faithful with little, so out the money came, with us specifically discussing that God is faithful and able to provide for our needs right down to the very last penny.

Fast forward two hours and our family entered the church building for Wednesday evening services. A sweet woman, whom I have recently loved getting to know, approached me and handed me a card. She told me (as she always does) that she had been thinking of and praying for our family, and that she wanted to give us a little something. Some fun money to buy pizzas for an easy supper after the new baby arrives, or to use sooner for whatever need we had. We chatted a bit more, I thanked her, and then she walked away. As we got in the car to drive home that evening, I opened her card. Care to guess how much money was inside? You guessed it.

Twenty five dollars.

The exact amount of money that Boss and I had been arguing over taking out of the bank to share with another, this sweet lady so generously shared with us. On the very same night. Feel free to call it coincidence if you like. But I prefer to believe that it is just another way for God to show that he hears, he cares, and he is in control of all things. Right down to the very last penny, God will provide.

sunday inspiration

(source)

 

Monday – Wash Day
Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility through the week ahead.

Tuesday – Ironing Day
Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected through the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday – Mending Day
O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.

Thursday – Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday – Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

Saturday – Cooking Day
Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday – The Lord’s Day
O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

 

- Author Unknown

 

I have seen this sweet poem floating around on several sites and I found it to be especially inspiring as I have been busy setting up our new nest. So many chores! My list is a mile long and if I am not careful I tend to become so focused on the project at hand (washing dishes, unpacking boxes, hanging pictures, folding tiny baby clothes) that I forget what is truly important.... being right with God and working on my insides before moving outward. If all of the clothes are washed, folded, and put away, but my spirit is full of selfishness, grumbling, and complaints, then it is all for not. I will still have failed at the task at hand.

 

As we enter this new week, let us fix our eyes on the things that are of most importance! And simply trust that everything else will fall into place.

lesson from the lady on the bike

(source)

We are moving Wednesday morning (as in the day after tomorrow) and this past week has been a frantic scurry of finishing up home school cooperatives, work, and packing. Packing, packing, packing. I will admit that despite this move being an answer to prayer and something we are incredibly grateful for, I have found myself becoming a bit nostalgic as of late. I really did like this silly old house and our life on Fieldcrest Lane. Our home here sits on a picturesque plot and in the land of nostalgia I tend to forget all about the broken heat pumps, the broken water pumps, the leaky ceiling, and the thousands of dollars we have poured into this place that we did not have. I close my eyes and all I see is charm. The children swinging high on the tree swing out back, cooking hot dogs over the fire pit, picking apples from our trees. And my heart gets a tiny bit sad that we are leaving. It feels a bit unfair that we have struggled so much with our finances this year, and I am tempted to feel sorry for our family and to feel jealousy towards those who have 'more'. Just keeping it real. But God is always so good at meeting me right where I am.

Yesterday morning our family was driving to church and we passed a woman on a bike. The bike was loaded down with belongings and the woman was wearing a furry white coat, peddling hard against the wind. Boss pointed out that the woman on the bike can often be found attending our church. I nodded and agreed that I had seen her before. And I felt slightly guilty for the 'woe is me' attitude I had been sporting this past week. There we sat in our moving vehicle (one of two that we own), our children nicely dressed, just going through the motions of getting to church. No effort or energy was being exerted on our part. To the woman on the bike, those speeding past in cars must look as though they have it made. I must look as though I have it made. Because the truth is that I do. I have it made. Only I  can't see that truth when I am pouting.

And then our minister? He did it. He preached on pursuing poverty. On laying everything we have at Christ's feet to be used by him in whatever way he sees fit. On valuing people over possessions. On not letting our desire for money and things be greater than our desire to do God's will in our lives. And then our minister challenged us to open our wallets. To take out whatever change we had. To come forward and put our offering, large or small, in the plate to be given to those who enter our church building looking for a hand up. To empty ourselves before God, trusting that he will provide when we have need. .

I opened my wallet and found a dollar bill. It didn't seem like much, certainly not worth walking forward for. I almost snapped my wallet shut when I saw her. The woman in the white coat, the one we had passed on her bike on our way in. She had shown up and she was walking forward. I have no idea what she gave, but that's not the point. The point is that she gave. Someone with so few earthly possessions found the strength to empty herself before God. And she encouraged me to do the same. My dollar went in the plate.

I left church with a different attitude. This house on Fieldcrest Lane is lovely, but it is not necessary. And the money we have poured into it this past year? Not at all how we desire to be spending our funds. There are people in this world, people right here in our community who are in need. And it is not God's desire that we should be spending all of our 'spare' change on our possessions as we have done this past year. He desires us to pour out ourselves, all that we have, before him, instead of pouring out ourselves, all that we have, on a picturesque lifestyle. Needless to say, my pouting has ceased.

I do pray that our property on Fieldcrest Lane sells quickly. And once it does, I pray that our family will have the courage to do with our funds what we should have been doing all along. Giving them right back to the one who so generously gave them to us in the first place.

sunshine

(my beautiful girls. first and third grade.)

My children are incredibly happy that we are moving home.

It's sort of ridiculous how happy they are, but I get it. Because I feel the exact same way. Most afternoons and evenings these past two weeks have been spent working on our new nest, which means that we don't see our children from the moment we park the car until the moment that it is time to leave. They are off running, exploring, playing with friends, poking holes in the ground with a big stick (That would be Jack. I don't understand boys.), covering their bodies in dirt. And they come back to our new nest when the sun is setting low. Exhausted, smiling, and in desperate need of a bath. And I think to myself what a beautiful childhood they are living. And while I know this season of childhood will not last forever, I desperately pray that the beautiful part does.

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I have shared before that the early years of my own childhood were beautiful. Idyllic, even. Family, friends, holidays, swimming, snow cones, dance lessons. I had seven years of sunshine. And I am grateful for the fact that the beginning of my story was strong. After seven years of working in the foster care world, I know that is not always the case. Many children only know darkness, so I will forever be thankful for the years where the sun shined brightly in my life. But the rain clouds were coming.

We moved to Texas when I was eight years old. We moved to the pink house, where our family would live until I headed off to college. I started second grade at Jane Long Elementary school and second grade was good. Second grade was where I fell in love with writing. With words. And I knew then that I wanted to change a small piece of the world through the writing of my words. Someday. Somehow.

But then came third grade, and along with it the first darkness in my life. In third grade I learned that children can be cruel. I learned that fitting in was more important than finding myself. Blending in better than becoming who God created me to be. Third grade was where I felt for the very first time in my life that perhaps God had made a mistake when he made me. In third grade there was no sunshine. I started to feel ill. All the time. And while I now know it was anxiety and depression induced, at the time it felt real. Nine years old and living began to feel too hard. I missed school more than I attended, and it was then that I learned the unhealthy habit of running away when life began to feel too overwhelming. Third grade started me down a path of darkness, and it would be years before I would be brave enough to let my light shine once more.

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So I look at my daughters, one of them the very same age I was when the darkness came, and the sunshine they still have makes my soul sing. To be honest,  one of the reasons we home school is to keep the sun shining in our children's lives for as long as is humanly possible. Or to keep the Son shining. Really, it's one in the same. My children do not live in a bubble. Living alongside foster children has taught them that there is pain and darkness in this world. But there has yet to be extreme pain and darkness in their world. I know it will eventually come. I am not naive. But my prayer is that when the darkness does come, my children are able to be rooted and strong. Rooted in God's Word and strong in their faith, so that they will not be easily swayed by the words and opinions of others.

Childhood can be cruel. It can be crushing. But it can also be beautiful. It can be sisters, and swing sets, and summer, and sunshine. And that is the gift that I want to give to my daughters. It is my prayer that the Son will always shine brightly in their lives. That even through the rain clouds life brings their way, that their lights would still shine. That is my prayer for these beautiful daughters of mine.

missing the point

(Sweet Friends on Easter Sunday)

We enjoyed a beautiful Easter Sunday with grandparents and friends turned family. Worshipping together in the morning, followed by a delicious lunch, egg hunts for all ages, talking and sharing with old friends and new, and the traditional 'waffles for dinner'. (What, you don't eat waffles on Easter?) It is easily one of my most favorite days of the year. Hands down.

It was the days leading up to Easter that have me feeling as though I have failed in this mama thing.

Holidays in our home need to change.

The celebration doesn't need to change. The smiles, and the activities, and the friends don't need to change. But our attitudes? Those need to go. Our minds? It wouldn't hurt if they were a bit more focused on the meanings behind the days that we celebrate. Because my cute children? They just aren't getting the point of any of it. And it is my job to teach them.

My daughters spent the days leading up to Easter writing letters to the big bunny. The letters included gift selections they were graciously going to allow him to bring them. How nice. And on Easter morning? My kids spent the entire drive to worship singing a song they had written about arm pits, and unicorns, and jelly beans. I laughed a bit before my heart sank. But my heart did sink. Because as a family, we have totally and completely missed the point.

This year has been a big year of deep thoughts for Boss and I. Thoughts of who we want to be, both as individuals and as a family. Lots of reflection on where we have been and where we are going. Things are changing in our hearts and in our minds, and I feel as though God is doing some major reconstruction in the foundation of our family. Without a doubt, we want the point of our lives to be to point to Him. In everything. And that includes holidays.

So we are left wondering, how do we redirect our children's hearts? How do we ease away from the big bunny, and the man in the red suit, and the fairy who brings money for lost teeth? How do we make the special days more about family, and love, and Christ?

I am not in a place where I think the big bunny and his friends are wrong. I love seeing my children's eyes sparkle and their smiles light up, just like the next mama. I am just in the place where I find thinking about the imaginary holiday people (or bunnies) more than we think about Christ is wrong. I am bothered by the fact that as a family we talk more about the Easter bunny coming, than we talk about Christ's second coming. And in my heart I know that holidays in our home must change. Because I want my children to get the point of it all. To really get it.

Boss and I are not sure how we are going to go about getting our families focus where it should be, we are just sure that we are. And we are sure that it will start with us. If we are not pointing to Him in all things, how can we possibly show our children the way? Each day it is a choice. In the everyday and on the holiday.

Point to Him, or don't. But if we don't, I do believe we are missing the point.

happiness

(my oldest daughter. she makes my heart happy.)

Today was happiness.

For the first time in who knows how long, the children and I had nothing on our agenda. Not one single thing. No school lessons, no work, no pressing responsibilities, no packing for our upcoming move. So I declared it happy day, a day for doing whatever we wanted. Not having an agenda is happiness.

For three hours this morning, all three children played together in the girls room. Nicely. There was only one crying spell, because Jack wanted to be Belle and his sisters would not let him. Hopefully having a new brother will one day cure Jack of his love for the Disney princesses. Children playing together nicely is happiness.

For three hours this morning, I sat on the couch with my feet up. I have not sat and done nothing during this entire pregnancy. My ankles look beautiful. Beautiful ankles at eight months pregnant is happiness. Come to think of it, simply having ankles at eight months pregnant is happiness.

After lunch, my parents came and picked up all three children for the afternoon. They do this every week, but usually I am working and do not get to enjoy the quiet. Today, the quiet was all mine. Happiness. So I did what I love most in this world. I took my large, pregnant self to the bookstore. I ordered my favorite drink, a White Chocolate Mocha with a splash of raspberry (today it was iced, as this baby is causing some serious hot flashes), walked through the aisles and breathed in the books (the smell of books is my favorite), and then claimed a large, overstuffed chair for myself. And there I sat for three more hours. For those wondering, that brings us to a total of six hours of sitting in one single day. It is quite possible I may never want to get up and productive again. Sitting for six hours is happiness.

While I sat, I read Mark Batterson's book Soul Print. Mark Batterson is currently rocking my world. He is not the most splendid writer on the planet, but his messages seem to be meeting me right where I am in my walk. Soul conviction is happiness.

Seven quotes from Soul Print that brought me a bit of happiness today:

When your life is over, the world will ask you only one question: Did you do what you were supposed to do? - Ziolkowski

In God's grand scheme, it's never about orchestrating the right circumstances. It's always about becoming the right person.

When you stop living for selfish purposes, the pressure comes off. And that's when your destiny comes into focus.

Until we experience death to self, we'll never come to life in the truest and fullest sense of the word.

If you want to find yourself, you've got to look for God.

Your real, new self.... will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him.  - C.S. Lewis

If you aren't careful, your God-given dream can become more important to you than the Dream Giver Himself.

Life is busy. It probably always will be. But every once in a while it feels nice to pick a day, clear the calendar, and focus on the things that bring our soul's deep and fulfilling happiness in this life. For me, that day was today.

For me, today was happiness.

To Write Love On The Walls

Feathering of our new nest has begun.

Walls are being freshly painted, new carpet will soon arrive. And I am trying to find the balance between creating a beautiful space for our family to call home, while reminding myself that every last bit of it is temporary. I want my children to forever know that we will never really be home until the very end. And I want to assure them that while beautiful things are fun, and while a beautiful space can make the soul sing, life is far bigger than the beautiful temporal. New beginnings and a new home do not necessitate new belongings. A new attitude can make all the difference in the world. So we are striving to create beauty, while being creative with what we already have.

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Today we wrote love on the walls of our new nest.

In ten years of marriage we have moved ten different times. And every single time I have wanted to pick out specific scripture(s) for each room of our new home. For ten years, I have wanted pieces of God's love letter to  the world to be the foundation of our nest. But we would get busy, things would become rushed, and scripture would be overlooked. But not this time. This time we wrote love on the walls. Boss will paint over the words, but they will still be there. Our foundation. A reminder of what we are trying to accomplish in our family and in our home. And it makes my heart happy.

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Tonight is the last night to enter your name (HERE). If you would like the chance to win something that has the potential to rock your prayer life, then pop on over and leave a comment. Tomorrow, one of my children will select a name from a bowl (because we are professional like that), and then I will announce the winner! Hooray! It makes me happy to share some of the things I love to love with you!

As always, thank you for sharing in our story. Life is better when we do it together.

Among Thorns

(source)

A seed among thorns.

That's me.

I tend to skip over the parables in the Bible, as if I don't need to be taught any lessons. But this morning the lesson jumped right off the page.

The seed (the word of God) that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. (Luke 8:14)

Choked by life's worries, riches, and pleasures. That's what jumped out at me.

I want my life to produce a crop for the Lord. I want my days to matter. I want the point of my life to be to point to him. In everything. I want to get this living backwards thing right. Jesus first. All else second. And I do believe my heart is in the right place. I have good intentions. But then I get choked by life. And instead of producing a crop, I am merely a seed among thorns.

I have already shared my hope that our new move produces a new movement in our family.  Less space for us to fill up with worldly clutter, hopefully equals more room for God to work in our lives. Less places our money needs to be spent (just to make ends meet), hopefully equals more to give away. Less of being in the world, hopefully equals more of the world seeing God in us. That is my hope. Those are my intentions.

But then I get caught up in the worries. What if our current house does not sell? What if the world doesn't understand what we are trying to do? And I get caught up in the worldly riches and pleasures. Like paint samples, and designing a beautiful space in my mind. Light gray walls with cherry, turquoise and lemon accents would look nice, I really do think. And our table might not fit, so perhaps we should get a new one. And if our house does sell and we are able to create a new budget, how fun to be able to purchase all of the pleasures I see in my Pinterest dreams!

And just like that I get choked up, all thoughts of less of me and more of God gone. All thoughts of more to give away gone. And we are back to the old way of life. Fitting Christ in around the edges of our very American lives, instead of fitting our lives around him. A seed among thorns.

But praise God the story does not end there. The last part of the parable gives us the key to being successful at producing a plentiful crop.

Perseverance.

Though the world will forever try and choke us with its worries, and its riches, and its pleasures, we can persevere. We must persevere. Because Christ did not come so that we could remain the same. He came so that we would have the chance to change. The continued chance to produce a plentiful crop.

Because of Christ, we do not have to remain a seed among thorns.

follow Jesus

 

(source)

I feel like our family is about to embark on a new journey. Sure, we are just moving back home, back to where the corn grows tall, but it is an opportunity for a fresh start. And I love a fresh start. Fresh starts allow me to reevaluate my life. To think on who I am, where I have been, and where I am going. This particular fresh start is allowing our family the opportunity to step back out of the quest for the American Dream. To focus once more on what is most important in life. And we have been reminded, once again, that what is most important in life is not keeping up with those around us. The most important thing we can ever do, both as individuals and as a family, is to follow Jesus. Daily. In all that we do. In every decision that we make.

I have been thinking long on these thoughts as I fold tiny clothes and pack up kitchen boxes. And as I have been reading his Word, he has been teaching me every step of the way. Teaching me what it really means to follow him.

Have you ever noticed that when Jesus called his disciples to follow him, they just up and left? Just like that? They didn't pack their over night bag, or pack up kitchen boxes. They didn't leave a twelve page to do list for those left behind. They didn't tell Jesus to give them just one more stinking minute, and then they would be free to follow. They didn't even ask Jesus where they were going. The Bible tells us that those whom Jesus called left everything behind to follow him. Immediately. No questions asked. No matter the cost. (Matthew 4:18-22)

And I wonder, what has following Christ cost me?

I thought on this last night, but couldn't come up with anything significant.

In high school, perhaps following Jesus cost me popularity. Maybe a few friendships. I didn't drink or smoke, and decided early on to save sex for marriage, so that often left me out of the party scene. But I wonder, did I not do those things because I was committed to Christ, or because I was afraid of the consequences? There is a difference.

As a houseparent for seven years, perhaps following Christ cost me a bit of personal comfort. There were a few children who came into our care that I did not care for. At all. I tried to find one good thing about every child we came into contact with, but on at least four different occasions during our time of ministry, I came up empty handed and wanted that particular child removed from my home. Because when it came right down to it, I didn't want to feel discomfort. I did not want to deal with the bathroom issues of a child who was acting out, and I did not want to sit up all night long with a raging child who was not my own. Actually, I don't want to sit up all night long with a raging child who is my own. So I had the child who was  hindering my comfort removed. I told myself that it was for the sake of my own children, and partly it was, but mostly I think it was for the sake of me. And I wonder now, what if I had tried loving that child as Jesus did? What if I had put following Jesus before my own personal comfort, and taught my children to do the same? Would that have made a difference? Maybe. Maybe not. But it couldn't have hurt.

I am thirty years old. I have been a 'follower' of Christ for most of my life.

And it hasn't cost me a thing.

Not really. Something is wrong with this picture. Something in my life needs changing. I cost Jesus everything. Following him, really following him, should certainly cost me something.

It is so easy to get caught up in the American Dream. I know, because it happens to me on a regular basis. The home with the white picket fence and the two car garage. The two cars that fill the garage. The two children (one boy, one girl, in case you were wondering) and all of the activities that accompany them. The vacations, the shopping and the spending, the eating out. The comfortable life. We don't want to have to give any of it up. Not even for Jesus. Because it's all that we know. We want to work Jesus into our already full lives, instead of working our lives around him. We have it all backwards. And I wonder what the world would be like if we were able to turn it all around?

I wonder what my life would be like if I were able to turn it all around? To start with Jesus first, then add everything else in after him. Or around him. Always keeping him front and center. Or what if I didn't add anything else in? What if Jesus was enough? What would a life of just Jesus cost me? Most importantly, is it a risk I am willing to take?

Along with our new nest, our new baby, and our new look in this space, I am desperately hoping for a new perspective.

Because just Jesus is sounding pretty good. And I desperately desire to follow him.

(Don't forget to enter your name in the giveaway I posted below!)

Pay It Forward

I have a friend who shines. My friend is an amazing photographer and she is an even more amazing person. I have no doubt that she could be anything she wants to be in this great, big world, but right now she has chosen to focus her time and attention on mastering all things mama. I love that. In a world that is so often self focused, we need more women committed to teaching and training the younger generation. We need more women who are willing to give themselves away in all the ways that matter most. My friend is inspiring.

Recently, my friend decided that she wanted to pay it forward, so she began stepping forward.

In line at Yogoot, with the cashier at the grocery store. It didn't matter where. If her heart felt led, she gave. Kind words, money, a smile. Whatever she had to give. For several days, she purposefully gave back to those around her, and she inspired me to want to do the same. But I didn't. I held back. Because sometimes giving can be scary.

Because what if you give something away, either something material, or something of yourself, that people don't like? What if giving something away is uncomfortable, and stretches you in ways you aren't sure you want to be stretched? What if the person you are giving to doesn't appreciate the gift you have to offer? What if your gift is rejected? What if you are rejected?

All of these worries, all of these questions, often keep me from giving to others the way that Christ has called me to give. All of these crippling thoughts keep me from shining Christ's light to the world around me. But I am tired of the worries, and the questions, and the crippling thoughts. I am tired of being too afraid, and admittedly, too selfish, to give something of myself away. I want to let my light shine in every way possible. And I want to inspire others to do the same.

My family has many blessings. It is easy to look around at what others have and think that we really don't have all that much. But that just isn't true. I read today that a family making more than fifty thousand dollars annually is in the top one percent of the wealthiest people in the world. According to the world, my family is wealthy. So why do I cling to what we have like I must hold on to it with all of my might? Why not open my hands and share the blessings with others? What if we all did that? It isn't a new concept by any means, but it is a concept I am convinced Christians do not think on often enough. I know it is a concept I do not think on enough. And that needs to change.

And so in honor of my friend who shines, my friend who was brave enough to step forward, I want to pay it forward. In honor of the blessings, the answered prayers all around me that I am often too stubborn to see, I want to pay it forward. To you. It's not a big thing, but it's a start.

Recently, three things have changed my prayer life and I want to share one of them with one of you.
















The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Awesome book. It will change the way that you look at prayer. It will help you to dream big, pray hard, and think long. This book reminded me that the God who performed amazing miracles in the Bible is the very same God that I serve today. Powerful.













The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. I realize, and respect, that not everyone agrees with the choices that this family has made regarding their lifestyle. But their choices don't make their story any less powerful. It is evident that God is working in their lives. While the second half of their book talks of raising a large family and homeschooling, etc., the first part of their book is my favorite. It is where I read of the pink blanket prayer. The first part of the book shares the beginning of their story, and it gives evidence of how God has answered their prayers. Powerful.

A Pink Blanket Prayer Notebook prepared especially for you by me. Ever since I have created my own pink blanket prayer notebook, where I record my prayers and God's answers, I have seen God move in my life like never before. I would love to create a pink blanket prayer notebook for you, too. Powerful.

If you would like one of the above books to be yours, leave your name in the comments below. Next Wednesday (March 27th), one of my children will draw a name and the person whose name is selected will get to pick one of the itms listed above. And if my mama is the only one who leaves her name (because I know she reads my blog), then she gets a new book. So be sure and leave your name, Mom!

I want to pay it forward, so I am stepping forward.

Perhaps you will consider doing the same? It doesn't have to be much. A smile goes a long way to brighten a lonely soul's day. It doesn't matter what we give. All that matters is that we give. Of our time, our gifts, our energy, our money. Or a book filled with wise words that has the power to change a life. Because that's what I have to give today.

So leave your name. And then step forward, so that you can pay it forward to someone else. Share with your neighbor, or the man on the corner, or with the world, something that has inspired you. Let your light shine like my amazing friend. And together, we just might make a small difference.

Miles Down Memory Lane

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I have walked many miles down memory lane, rereading our family story here in this space.

In many ways, we have traveled far in the last six years that I have been writing. We have gone from babies, to toddlers, to young ladies. We have gone from two children, to four. Boss and I are nearing a decade of marriage together. Ten years of marriage to my best friend. We have moved three times, and taken new jobs. We have been involved in work that matters. The souls of our shoes are worn, but the walk has well been worth it.

In other ways, I know that we still have a long way to go. As a family, and as individuals. I look back and read of  things I was going to work on five years ago, many character traits and habits that needed attention and changing, and I realize that some of those things still need changing today. I still want to be a better wife, a better mama, a better keeper at home. I still want to know God more, to be a better steward of the gifts I have been given. Though many miles have been traveled, still many remain.

But two things have remained constant on this journey of my life.

My humanness, and God's faithfulness.

I see evidence of this on nearly every page that I have written. His hand on every part of my story. I can't see where I am going, God shows me the way. I tear things apart, God puts the pieces back together. I am broken, God is the healer. I sin, God forgives. I plead to be heard, God answers. Every. Single. Time. So much of the past, God has redeemed, but I was too busy to notice. It turns out, he was answering my pink blanket prayers all along.

In 2007, our family visited the welfare office. Boss has a college education, a Masters degree, and he has always worked, in some seasons, nearly 80 hours a week. But we did not have enough to make ends meet. We stood in that line, heads cast down, embarrassed at our plight. When we left, Boss
shed tears and tore up the paperwork. He said we would find another way. I looked at my daughters strapped into the backseat of our car, and I worried. But over the years, God has always provided. We have known seasons of plenty, and we have walked through seasons of want, but we have always had just enough. Exactly what we needed. A prayer was answered.

In 2008, we began desiring to grow our family. Things were much better financially, and we longed for a third child. We thought adoption was the path we should take. We pursued it for over a year, but every door was always closed. A year and a half later, and we learned that our first son was on his way. A prayer was answered.

In 2009, we learned that the school where Boss worked was out of funds. His dream job was going away. It was a blow to our hearts. Today, my husband is thriving as Principal of a new education program that was created after the demise of the school where he was first working. He loves his job. He finds purpose there. This job supports our family almost entirely, where the other job did not even come close. A prayer was answered.

In 2012, I miscarried our fourth child. A child I had longed for. My secret dream. Today, I am less than ten weeks away from meeting our second son. A prayer was answered.

All along, God has been answering.

I started this blog for my children. To record the story of our family. So that years later, when we look back at the pages here, we can see for certain that God worked great things in our lives. Mostly, I try to look forward, to keep pressing on towards the goal. But every once in a while, it is good to look back. To walk miles down memory lane.

Pink Blanket Prayer

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It started with the story of the pink blanket prayer.

Several weeks ago, I was reading The Duggars: 20 and Counting, when I stumbled upon the story of the pink blanket prayer. The Duggar's second daughter, Jill, wanted a pink blanket. A pink blanket similar to the one her older sister had. But the Duggar family got this money thing right from the start. If it was not necessary, you did not need it. And Jill did not need a new pink blanket. She simply wanted one. So, her parents encouraged her to pray. Her parents encouraged her to ask God for a pink blanket. Not because a pink blanket is all important in the grand scheme of life, but because they wanted to teach their daughter to take all of her cares to her Creator. They wanted to teach Jill that nothing is too big, or too little, for God. So, Jill began to pray. And the story goes that sometime later, as Jim Bob was cleaning out an old car he had just purchased for his used car lot, what should he find in the back of that car? A pretty, pink blanket, of course. And Jim Bob knew that God had answered his daughter's simple prayer. Her pink blanket prayer.

At first, I must admit that I scoffed a bit at the story. It had to be coincidence, did it not? God wouldn't answer a simple prayer about a pink blanket. Surely not. But then, as I thought about the story over time, I realized that my problem with the story was jealousy. I wanted my own pink blanket prayer to be answered. I wanted to know that even in the small things, God heard, and he answered. So, I began to keep track.

I bought a pink notebook and divided it into five different categories: faith, family, friends, personal, and life/other. And over the past several weeks I have listed any prayer requests I have had, big or small, under the appropriate category. Inspired by the faith of a child and her pink blanket prayer, I began to list my own pink blanket prayers. Areas of my life in which I was asking God to work. And as I have prayed more fervently than ever before, God's work has been astounding. So many prayers answered in such a short amount of time. And I give the glory all to God. I have come to believe, or rather to know, that God is there. He is waiting to work on our behalf. He simply wants us to ask him to do so. He wants us to acknowledge his power. So, I daily list my cares, big or small, and I wait in watchful anticipation of how God is going to answer.

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The story of the pink blanket prayer has changed my life. My pink blanket prayer book, a constant reminder that God is always at work. I want to encourage you today to lay your requests at your Father's feet. Big or small, he can handle them all.

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 (New Living Translation)