Monday, May 26, 2008

Random Thoughts From My Mind

It has been an incredibly busy past few days, and life is only going to get busier over the next month. Coming up we have the last week of school, a five year wedding anniversary, a family vacation to the beach, Vacation Bible School, Ben's basketball camps, a BIG birthday bash for our daughters, and an adoption home study to get completed and turned in. My brain is whirling just thinking about it all.

Every time I sit down to write (and there has been plenty to share), my mind goes a little blank and I can't seem to think to put more than two words together. But tonight, I will try. I could write about two recent observations that would make great devotional thoughts or about a really embarrassing moment I had in the dressing room at Wal Mart last week (think shirt size does not match hanger size, so said person tries shirt on and gets it stuck with her arms in the air, and old lady shopper must come to the rescue, ahem). Or I could write about the fact that in three short days I have officially been married for five years to the love of my life. I could tell you that my almost four year old is wearing me out with her new phase of meltdowns when things aren't working right, and I would love to SHOUT from the rooftops that my youngest daughter is now sleeping from ten pm until seven am, every night for the last six weeks! Silly girl, I knew she would figure this sleeping thing out. Or I could ramble on and on about my thoughts on adoption and weight loss, but I will spare you.

Instead, I will share with you my recent heart ponderings. Lately, I have been thinking about my place in this world. I love plans. I thrive on them. I am not very good at staying at home (though I am trying to be more purposeful in doing so), and I love waking every morning ready to head out for the day. I simply feel happier and less stressed when I have a plan. However, I am also a dreamer, and I dream BIG. If I want something, I go after it. Add to that, my biggest fear in this life is reaching the end of my time on this earth and regretting that I did not do more. Put those things together, and you have one crazy woman who dreams big dreams for her life, spends countless hours forming plans in her head to achieve her dreams, and then worries constantly that they aren't even the right dreams. Add it all up, and you get me.

I have a very hard time living in the moment. I constantly want to be working towards the next step in my plan. And I often get so caught up in my planning, that I forget the fact that God might have his own plans for my life. An example. We are coming up on our one year mark at the children's home, and for the first time in our marriage, we actually have no plans of leaving. In fact, we actually have long term plans for building a life here. And sometimes that scares me! I start looking at what others have, and what they have been called to in life, and I start wondering, is this really where I am supposed to be? And then the doubts start pouring in. It is not so much that I am jealous of others, it is simply that I want to make sure we are making the best choices for our family.

The school where Boss is employed is struggling financially, and there is talk of how long it will be around. When I first heard this, I started to panic. Because my plan had me serving in houseparenting, while Boss built his resume, and when the time came, we could move on and our life could begin in our own house, as our own family. But if the school shut down, then Boss would have to get another job (just to get a job), and we would be dependent on me houseparenting. And I was not happy with that at all! That scenario was not in my life plan.

But then it hit me. What if I am currently living out His plan for my life? What if our main purpose of being here is not to build Boss' resume, but is instead because houseparenting is our life's mission? What if God's grace and protection is enough, and what if my own children would be perfectly content to be brought up in this lifestyle? What if I am exactly where I am meant to be? And that thought was incredibly freeing! To think that right now, at this time, I am right where I am meant to be. What a humbling thought that it is not about me, or my plans at all.

I will not quit dreaming, or going after my dreams, but I can breathe a bit easier when I focus my thoughts on the fact that I am not in control. It is my job to pray for wisdom in making good choices, and to be open to the Lord's calling in my life, but I don't have to (and can't be!) in control of it all! For now I am resting in the fact that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. (James 4:14)

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Losing Weight in 2008

I am trying to lose weight. There. I said it. Currently, I am not really watching what I eat, but I am trying to cut back. When I try and diet by watching what I eat, I have noticed in the past that I fail. Eating every meal out of a little cardboard box, or drinking my meal out of a can, just doesn't cut it for me, and I end up quitting.

And because I am not really watching what I eat, I have decided to try a little something called exercise. I have been working out for exactly one month now, and I have lost seven pounds. Our property has a nice two mile loop, and I am making sure that I go at least two to four miles a day, five days a week. I started out simply walking, then I went to walking fast, and now I am walking and jogging.

And I have come to find that I love to be out on the land by myself. It is a great way to get some quiet time in to pray, plan my week, think about goals for my kids, and dream of baby number three. When I don't get to go, I miss it! So far being out on the land is working far better for me than any gym membership I have ever bought. It is becoming a vital part of my day.

I have always struggled with my weight. I was never overweight until after having my second daughter, but I have always struggled. In college, I struggled tremendously with an eating disorder. Those were dark times. Through treatment and many prayers said on my behalf, I can honestly say that I completely overcame that. Once I was married and became a mama, my thoughts were naturally no longer on myself. Being thin was just no longer as important as it used to be. I became much more focused on being a good wife and mama, and I am ever so thankful that my addiction did not keep me from doing so.

After I had Emma, it took about a year, but the weight I gained with her just naturally came off. Then came my pregnancy with Kate. While the pregnancy itself was great, I had health complications afterwards that kept me from getting right out there to exercise during the months after she was born. Then we moved, and then it was winter, and then we moved again, and before I knew it almost two years had passed, and I had not gained or lost a single pound during that whole time period.

So here I am now. While I would like to have lost more this first month, I am pretty happy with seven pounds. I must admit that I still struggle with getting caught up in the number games with the scale, but I am trying to simply focus on becoming healthier, and the weight will take care of itself. I know it will be a lengthy process to lose true weight and keep it off, but I am ready. I am thankful for gorgeous weather, beautiful land, and a supportive husband to help me do so.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Mothers Day

Two Reasons Why Being a Mama is the BEST Job in the World:


Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day,
with little time to stop and pray,
for life's been anything but calm,
since you called on me to be a mom.

Running errands, matching socks,
building dreams with building blocks,
cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes,
and other stuff that children lose.

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,
wiping tears and giving hugs,
a stack of last week's mail to read,
so where's the quiet time I need?

Yet when I steal a minute Lord,
Just at the sink or ironing board,
To ask the blessings of your grace,
I see them in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me all the while,
As I stop to kiss that precious smile!

Friday, May 2, 2008


What was happening in my life 10 years ago?
1. I was a Sophmore in HIGHSCHOOL- wow, that seems like a long time ago.
2. I was taking drivers ed, and stressing over the fact that I had to drive around in a mini van...if I'd only known that these days I'd be driving the mother of all vans.
3. I was dating my first boyfriend, Nathan Dumas
4. I was hanging out with my best friend, Lauren.
5. Going to youth group activities.

Five things on my to do list:
1. Get all of April's paperwork in.
2. Finish stripping the wallpaper in our hideous pepto pink bathroom.
3. Start buying the things we need for vacation.
4. Reserve our weekend for the 1st Annual ACCH Houseparents Retreat!
5. Finish up everything for our homestudy!

Five snacks I enjoy:
1. ice cream
2. smoothies
3. fruit
4. chips and cheese dip
5. celery and peanut butter

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Give to the church and charities.
2. Buy an RV - I know...I'm a dork.
3. Send Ben to all the events on the PGA tour.
4. Send our parents on an Alaskan Cruise.
5. Adopt two more kids, and set up trust funds for them all.

Five bad habits:
1. I bite my nails - really gross, I know.
2. I don't wash my face every night - really gross, I know.
3. I avoid conflict at ALL costs, instead of facing it head on.
4. I never put my phone in the same place, so I am always looking for it.
5. I spend too much time on the computer.

Five places I have lived:
1. Dharan, Saudi Arabia
2. Sugar Land, TX
3. College Station, TX
4. Charleston, WV
5. Albuquerque, NM

Five jobs I have had:
1. Babysitter
2. Nanny
3. Houseparent
4. Wife
5. Mama (my dream job)

Anniversary Getaway

This month, five years ago, I married Boss. What a great day that was! Sometimes, it feels as though that was just yesterday, and sometimes, it feels like a lifetime ago. What I do know for sure, is that it gets better and better, year after year. To celebrate, we went to the big city, and stayed at a Bed and Breakfast on the river. We ate lots of good food, talked and dreamed of the future, saw a movie, and slept without little feet in our faces. It was so lovely and relaxing, and I  came home from that weekend away, more appreciative and more in love with my husband. Boss does so much for me and for our family, and it is nice to get away from everything and have him all to myself, even if only for a few days. And my favorite part? I am positive that with Boss by my side, the very best days are yet to come.