Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Learning to Simply Be

Lately, this space has been void of deep thoughts. It isn't that I haven't been thinking them (in fact, my deep thoughts have been keeping me up at night), but rather I have had trouble putting them in to words. Many times I sit down to write, and end up erasing all that I have written several minutes later. The words just aren't coming. On one hand, I feel so blessed in this life. I have a loving, supportive husband who is very active in our family life, I have two beautiful daughters, a home which I love, plenty of food, enough extras to feel content, a rewarding job, and a hope that there is a place far grander, prepared for me when I leave this earth. Pretty amazing to think about! On the other hand, the earthly struggles I am currently facing (small as they might be), are beginning to wear me down and to break my spirit. I decided last night that I need to learn to  simply be.

I have never been good at just being. In high school, all I could think about was going to college. Once I reached college, all I could think about was being married. And once I was married, all I could think about was having a baby. After Emma came, I immediately started thinking and planning for baby number two (okay, maybe I took a small break from the planning, but you get the picture). And these past few years, now that two babies had successfully been added to our family, I had been largely focusing on what we were going to do with our lives. Where will we work? Where will we live? Who will we be? And can I be honest and say that I have already begun to stress about the fact that we haven't started planning for our retirement? All of these thoughts at the age of twenty six! Even I can recognize that I need to slow down and enjoy life as it comes, because the harder I try to hold on to everything and to steer life in the direction I think it should go, the faster it seems to slip through my fingers.

Sometimes, I regret rushing my way through high school and college. I regret that I did not spend more time with girlfriends. And while I love my children with my whole heart, I wonder what it might have been like to spend a few years alone with Boss . While I am not one to live in the land of regrets (I am too busy thinking about the future!), I am trying to recognize that I need to just be, or life is going to pass me by.

I am going to try not to worry that Boss does not have a guaranteed job for next year. God is already there. I am going to try not to worry that no job, could possibly mean no funds for an adoption. God is already there. I am going to try not to worry about what to do with my children when it comes to their education. God is already there.

Instead, I am going to try and focus on the here and now. I am going to enjoy each day with my husband. He will find work, as I believe God has great plans for his life. I am going to enjoy my daughters at age 2 two and four. They will only be this age for a year.

I don't want to miss what He has placed before me during this particular season in my life, because I am so focused on the seasons to come.

I don't listen to country music very often any more, but the other day a song came on the radio and I have thought a lot about the words.

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are the good times.
Take a good look around.
You may not know it now,
But you're gonna miss this.

I don't want to miss anymore. I simply want to learn to be.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Fall Fun Three

Last night was the children's home Annual Halloween Party. My little girls dressed as Dorothy and Glenda the Good Witch. Two of Angie's boys were the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. We wanted Cooper to be the scarecrow, but he opted to go as Iron Man instead. We went trick or treating from house to house and ended with a party in the gym. There was a costume contest, a magic show, and bobbing for apples.

Fall Fun Two

Emma's preschool had a fall party on Thursday. It was fun! The kids got to go to school in their costumes (Emma was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz) and there were fun games. Mama's got to come too, which made it even better. They played musical hay bales, wrapped each other in toilet paper as mummies, played a donut on a stick game, and searched for candy in straw. It was fun to watch Emma interact with and have fun with her new friends. Preschool has been such a wonderful experience for her !

Fall Fun One

I love fall. When I was growing up, Halloween was a big deal. I think it was because we lived in a foreign country, and most of the families who lived on our compound (yes, compound...funny how I live on a compound now, too) went on re pat to the United States during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, but we were all together for Halloween, so it tended to be a very big deal. My mom would go all out with our costumes (usually homemade, my favorites being She-ra and an Egyptian Princess), household decorations, and parties. And, the elementary school would host a huge parade. Fun memories! I love any excuse to have fun with my children, while creating lasting memories for them to store in their childhood memory banks. Here are a few photographs from our fall, so far.