Half Way To Holding You

My Sweet, Second Son,

Somewhere over the Christmas holiday, you and I celebrated twenty weeks together. Twenty weeks of dreaming about you, hoping for you, feeling you move inside of me. Twenty awesome weeks of being your mama. Twenty weeks of wondering WHO you would be. Is it okay for me to tell you that I was sure, absolutely sure with all of my mama heart, that you were going to be a little girl? I was positive we would have a third sister in our family and was preparing your big brother accordingly. But then your daddy and I went to see you on the big screen and there you were! All BOY! There was no mistaking it. And my heart was so thrilled! First two daughters, and now two sons. A pair of each! I am pretty sure that life does not get any better. And just to be clear... I was not disappointed! I already love EXACTLY who God has made you to be. You are the perfect fit to our family. A missing piece to our puzzle.

I knew instantly, the exact moment that I saw you were another little boy, what your name would be. Years ago, when I was pregnant with one of your sisters or your brother (the details get fuzzy as time passes) I bought four Christmas stockings with initial letters on them. E for Emma, K for Kate, J for Jack , and a lone L. I did not have a name picked out to go along with the L stocking, nor was I positive that I would ever be the mama to four children, but I bought it on a whim, certain one day it would be hung on the mantle with the others.  And then last February I miscarried a tiny baby. My heart was so sad for many days. My world seemed cloaked in darkness. I wanted to find the light again. And that is when I knew... the L stocking would be for a son we would one day have. A son we would one day name Luke, which means light. When I thought you would be a little girl, I tried desperately to fall in love with a girl name that began with L (so that I could put the L stocking to use after all of these years), but I fell in love with nothing. The L stocking would only do for a son named Luke. And I am overjoyed that son is now you. My Luke. My light.

Your daddy and I both agree that your full name will be Luke Wesley Perrin, Wesley Perrin after my great grandfather. Four names for both you and your brother, because four names are, well, cool. And I have no doubt that you will be one cool little dude. Your big brother can't wait to meet you. Every single day he asks if this is the day that you will come out and play with him! And your sisters like to put their hands on my belly to feel your strong kicks (son, more than any of my other babies, you are a mover and a shaker!). Your daddy dreams of the day he can take his two sons on 'man' trips, and me? I can't wait to hold you, to smell your milky baby smell, to stroke your wrinkly baby skin. To hold you up against my chest and to see our whole family change, as we embrace the gift that is you. We are over half way there to holding you, our little Luke. You already light up our lives.

Love, Mama

New

(Images by Allye Faye Huston)

 

 

It's a new year. A brand new year, fresh with no mistakes in it. A time for new beginnings, new commitments, new goals, new dreams. New days spread before us, waiting for us to fill their pages with our stories. More time for God to craft us into who He desires for us to be, if only we would allow it. And that daughter of mine? My biggest, little girl? She decided that she wanted to allow it, this molding of God in her life. On January 12, 2013, Emma publicly committed her life to Christ and was baptised for the remission of her sins by her daddy.

 

When Emma first started coming to Boss and I about this decision she wanted to make, I was tempted to feel that she was too young to make such a choice. Shouldn't she be older? Wiser? Shouldn't she know a little bit more, have a little bit more life under her belt? But then Boss gently reminded me that if we began deciding for her when she was ready, then it would no longer be her choice. It would become ours. So I began to pray, to try and have faith like my daughter. And I began to see the beauty in my daughter beginning her walk with God at such a tender age. I imagined my daughter one day at seventy eight years old, telling her own grandchildren and all who would listen, that she had been walking with the Lord for seventy years! And I began to get excited about her testimony.

 

So Boss began to study intently with Emma, and we began to make preparations. And when Emma was ready, she decided that she wanted to be baptised at home in our hot tub, surrounded by family and friends who love her. Boss spoke of how fitting her choice was. Home was where he and I both learned about the Lord, home was where Emma was committing her life to the Lord, and HOME is where we will one day all be together again because of her confession of faith. I fell a bit more in love with Boss that day, I must confess. It was a beautiful moment and one I pray guides Emma for the rest of her life. And because she has me for her mama, afterwards we celebrated! Because if a new life isn't reason to celebrate, then I don't know what is.

 

Emma, I am so proud of you. I know God has great BIG beautiful plans for your life, and I can't wait to watch Him write your story. This, my girl, is only the beginning. 



Emma and her new Bible

Admiring

Words of Life

So thankful for this knowledge!

Celebration Sweets

My favorite picture from the day. My girl is SOO in love with her Daddy.

Christmas in Pictures (San Antonio Style)

A Texas Tree

Sweet Sisters

Kate and Jack (My Two Middles)

I ALWAYS tell them the Greatest Gift I could ever give them is the Gift of  Each Other

Brotherly Love

My Two Boys

The Z Three

Gorgeous Girls

Mama and Daughters

Merry Christmas!

What did Santa Bring?!

Mama and Baby BOY 20 Weeks

Stocking Time

Traditional Ornament from Grammy

Beautifully Handsome Boys

Cowboy Jack

Pirate Jack

Sweet Kate

Presents!

 

Shamu at Sea World

The Girls

The Brother

The Boys

Love Bugs

Magical

Emma, Kate, and Jack in San Antonio, TX for Christmas 2012

For our family, the end of 2012 was magical. We had decided several months ago that we wanted to take a family trip over the holidays, so we began planning in the late days of summer where we wanted to create a little bit of family magic to close out our year. One of my very favorite holiday memories from before the days of Boss, and children, and responsibilities, was when my own little immediate family of four traveled to San Antonio, TX for a festive Christmas on the River. I can remember clearly all of the twinkly lights that lit up the city that particular year and I can also remember the specific meal that our family had on Christmas Eve. We sat out on the patio of the Lone Star Cafe with views of the river below us, wrapped in warm blankets, surrounded by heat lamps helping to warm the chilly night sky. But what I remember most about that night was feeling happy. Things were not perfect in our little family growing up, as they seldom are, but in that particular moment, on that particular night, they were.  And I knew right away that if we were going to travel over Christmas this year, that I wanted to create that same magic for my own children. So on December 20, 2012 our family (including my parents) set out in a twelve passenger van San Antonio bound.

We arrived in San Antonio after two long days of travel, excited to see where our Christmas adventures would take us! And boy, did they take us far. We dined outside on the river, wrapped in the very same blankets I can recall from my teen years, and we enjoyed looking at all of the festive trees and lights placed along the River Walk. We decorated a little white, twinkly Christmas tree for our rental home, made cookies for Santa, dined and walked the River on Christmas Eve, and stayed up late so that Grammy could read us the Christmas story. And Christmas morning did not disappoint! We spent the morning opening gifts (some favorites being brown cowgirl boots and a diary for my oldest girl, a new holiday Cabbage Patch doll for my youngest girl (goodness gracious, they still smell the same as they did when I was a child!), and new cowboy boots and a Thomas the Train set for our little guy) and enjoying our traditional Christmas brunch, and later that afternoon my brother and his wife were able to stop by and enjoy an evening meal with us. After not seeing my brother for almost two years, it was certainly great to see him face to face! The day after Christmas found us at Sea World, and the day after that my most favorite Auntie and her kind hearted husband came to spend the remaining two nights of our trip with us.  All of it was wonderful, every last bit of it magical. Memories were made that I hope to carry with me for years to come.

My brother mentioned to me while we talked that if you only read my blog and did not know my family in real life, that the things I choose to write about make our lives seem perfect. Perhaps even too good to be true. And that simply is not true. Far from it, in fact. Our trip was magical. But it was also filled with a stomach virus, a mouse in our vacation house, some family bickering, visits that were too short, and a few expectations that went unmet. But those things? Those things are simply a part of life. Every one's life. Life happens to each of us (even the unwanted aspects of life), and I learned a long time ago that it is not what happens to us that matters, but rather what we do about it. How we choose to see and respond. So those pesky parts of the trip? Perhaps we will laugh about those things in the days to come (our children were tickled over the idea of a Christmas mouse!), and the rest we will just sweep under the rug. Instead, when I see Christmas 2012 in my minds eye, I will see my daughters laughing, skipping, and holding hands as we explored a city that was new to them. I will see my little boy all dressed up in his cowboy hat and boots, pretending to be a real life cowboy. I will see my mom crying as she witnessed the tender way that Santa talked with my children. I will see the way that Boss caught my eye on more than one occasion as if to say, ' Can you believe that all of this is ours? How did we ever get so blessed? ' And I will see the smiles of my relatives whom I love, but don't get to see near often enough. I know there were so many this season who's arms were empty, and I will forever be thankful that mine were full for another magical season.

Thank you, God, for this life you have given me. Thank you for family, and friends, and laughter, and memories. May I always remember that all good gifts come from you.

Blessed With Another Boy