Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Half Way To Holding You

My Sweet, Second Son,

Somewhere over the Christmas holiday, you and I celebrated twenty weeks together. Twenty weeks of dreaming about you, hoping for you, feeling you move inside of me. Twenty awesome weeks of being your mama. Twenty weeks of wondering WHO you would be. Is it okay for me to tell you that I was sure, absolutely sure with all of my mama heart, that you were going to be a little girl? I was positive we would have a third sister in our family and was preparing your big brother accordingly. But then your daddy and I went to see you on the big screen and there you were! All BOY! There was no mistaking it. And my heart was so thrilled! First two daughters, and now two sons. A pair of each! I am pretty sure that life does not get any better. And just to be clear... I was not disappointed! I already love EXACTLY who God has made you to be. You are the perfect fit to our family. A missing piece to our puzzle.

I knew instantly, the exact moment that I saw you were another little boy, what your name would be. Years ago, when I was pregnant with one of your sisters or your brother (the details get fuzzy as time passes) I bought four Christmas stockings with initial letters on them. E for Emma, K for Kate, J for Jack , and a lone L. I did not have a name picked out to go along with the L stocking, nor was I positive that I would ever be the mama to four children, but I bought it on a whim, certain one day it would be hung on the mantle with the others.  And then last February I miscarried a tiny baby. My heart was so sad for many days. My world seemed cloaked in darkness. I wanted to find the light again. And that is when I knew... the L stocking would be for a son we would one day have. A son we would one day name Luke, which means light. When I thought you would be a little girl, I tried desperately to fall in love with a girl name that began with L (so that I could put the L stocking to use after all of these years), but I fell in love with nothing. The L stocking would only do for a son named Luke. And I am overjoyed that son is now you. My Luke. My light.

Your daddy and I both agree that your full name will be Luke Wesley Perrin, Wesley Perrin after my great grandfather. Four names for both you and your brother, because four names are, well, cool. And I have no doubt that you will be one cool little dude. Your big brother can't wait to meet you. Every single day he asks if this is the day that you will come out and play with him! And your sisters like to put their hands on my belly to feel your strong kicks (son, more than any of my other babies, you are a mover and a shaker!). Your daddy dreams of the day he can take his two sons on 'man' trips, and me? I can't wait to hold you, to smell your milky baby smell, to stroke your wrinkly baby skin. To hold you up against my chest and to see our whole family change, as we embrace the gift that is you. We are over half way there to holding you, our little Luke. You already light up our lives.

Love, Mama

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