Friday, January 29, 2010

Twenty Questions For Your Spouse

If you were to notice a theme from all of my recent posts, I think it would be 'to live a life of purpose'. That is my goal, if you will, for 2010. I am tired of going through the motions and feeling lukewarm in all that I do as a wife, mother, house parent, friend etc. I want to be real and authentic in my relationships, especially in my marriage, even if that makes me more vulnerable. Boss and I experienced first hand last year the devastation that can be caused by simply going through the motions with your spouse, instead of being real with your thoughts, your heart, and your words towards each other. More importantly, we have committed to making this year different!

For Christmas, Boss gave me the Love Dare Daily Devotional. The idea is to read one devotion each day that is geared towards making you a better Christian spouse, and we are going through it together. In the back of the book it had a little quiz entitled Twenty Questions For Your Spouse. The rules were to go on a date with your spouse, somewhere quiet, and go through the questions together without anger, resentment, or judgment. Ten questions were personal/individual and ten questions were related to your marriage. So, last week Boss and I went to dinner and then we went to a book store, grabbed a coffee (tea for me), and found two chairs in a corner where we could talk. While the ten questions pertaining to our marriage are too personal to share the answers to, I wanted to record here each of our answers to the personal questions. I love the idea that one day my children will read back through this blog, and they will be able to see what Boss and I were like in our early years of marriage.

Ten Personal Questions:

1) What is your greatest hope or dream?

B - For all in our family to get to Heaven.

K - To be blessed with a large, close knit family, and to have the energy and funds required to raise them. To have a real love story with my husband. To raise Godly children. To see God weaving a story in the life of my family and to use that story to inspire others and lead them to Christ. (As you can see, I am much more wordy than Boss!)

2) What do you enjoy the most about your life right now?

B - Being a husband, daddy, and my job. (he loves being the boss)

K - My family and friends. The fact that we are in a job that allows us to be financially secure, without having to sacrifice time together as a family just to chase a dollar. I feel like all of our prayer requests and hopes from the last six years have been answered, and we have been given a blank canvas to do with as we please. I pray that we will make wise and godly decisions.

3) What do you enjoy the least about your life right now?

B - Feeling like we live in a fishbowl in our home. When you live on a campus, as we do, life can often feel that way. We have been blessed with AWESOME neighbors/coworkers, so we do not feel that way overall, but it can be draining to constantly have the teenagers watching and listening to all that we do. It makes it hard to have a bad day, because you feel like you always have to be 'on'.

K - I do not feel like we are where we should be spiritually as a couple or as a family. I do not feel like we have been purposeful in raising our children up to this point. The good news is that all of that can be changed!

4) What would your dream job be if you could do absolutely anything and get paid for it?

B - A professional golfer on the PGA tour.

K - A professional writer. To get paid to write about my love for Jesus, my family, and all things home. To use the words I write to change a little piece of the world.

5) What are some things you have always wanted to do but have not done yet?

B - To save for retirement travel, to go golfing in Scotland and Ireland, and to go on a mission trip to another country.

K - To sponsor a child or give to a charity on a regular basis. To visit all 50 states. To own a camper.

6) What three things would you like to do before the next year passes?

B - Pay off our 12 passenger van, go on a vacation, and break 80 on my golf swing.

K - Lose 25 pounds (not counting baby weight) and feel healthier. Have daily quiet time with God.

7) Who do you feel the most safe being with and why?

B - My wife because she unconditionally loves me.

K - My family because I can be myself (the good, bad, and ugly) and they keep loving me anyway.

8) If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be and why?

B - My wife.

K - While I love dining with Ben, at this point I would choose Michelle Duggar. While I do not agree with many points of their family life or feel like it is for me, she inspires me as a mother in her faith, the way she is raising her children, and the way she manages both her home and their finances.

9) When was the last time you felt filled with joy?

B - This morning when I saw Emma and Kate snuggling in bed.

K - When I saw Jack Ryan on ultrasound, and found out I was expecting a son after waiting for three years to conceive another child.

10) If you had to give away 1 million dollars, who would you give it to and why?

B - To Kendra so I could get 50%..... ha, ha.

K - To families who have lost children or who have critically ill children. To cancer research.

While I will not post the answers to the twenty questions pertaining specifically to our marriage, I did want to post the questions in case any of you wanted to do this with your spouse.

1) What three things does your spouse do that you really like?
2) What three things does your spouse do that drives you crazy?
3) What has your spouse done in the past that made you feel loved?
4) What has your spouse done that has made you feel unappreciated?
5) What are three things that you would like your spouse to work on this year?
6) What would make you feel the most loved?
7) What things in the past do you wish could be erased from ever happening in your relationship?
8) What is the next major decision you think God would want you to make as a couple?
9) What would you like for your life and your marriage to look like five years from now?
10) What words would you like to hear from your spouse more often?

I can't tell you how much this exercise has blessed our marriage in the last few weeks. Remember though, the goal is to be an encouragement to one another and to open the lines of communication. NOT to cause arguments, be defensive, or to put each other down. Happy almost month of LOVE friends!

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