Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Random Thoughts

This is the post in which I share with you all of my random thoughts from today. In no particular order. You're welcome.

Boss and I decided to buy a king sized bed. It's awesome and it was majorly on sale, so I was also able to get some new bedding and we are looking in to used golf carts. We might end up getting the best of both worlds. I love my new bed. It is high up off of the ground and you have to climb up into it. It is a Sealy Posturpedic and it has a pillow top. It is bliss. When I went to get bedding, Boss said I could pick out whatever I wanted. He might be sorry that he said that now. He thinks one of the decorative pillows that I selected looks like a creature from Star Wars. I love my new bedding. I got sheets with orange trim (are you really surprised?), fluffy white bedding that already looks splendid with black cat hair, and throw pillows with various fall colors on them. My favorites are the yellows and oranges. It all makes me want to "fall" into bed. Get it? Ha! But seriously, it does.

I could not sleep at all last night even though I have this nice new bed. I put Jack in a real baby bed for the first time last night, instead of in his usual sleeper chair by my bed. He was getting too big for that thing, evidenced by his feet hanging off of the end. I kept waking up to check on him and make sure he was still breathing. He kept waking up so that I could put his paci back in to his mouth. I think he just missed being close to me and wanted to spend time together. He rocks like that. It felt like the longest night ever.

Speaking of feet hanging off of the end, Jack had his six month well child check today and he is huge. But short. And it is official. He has a big head, just like his sister Kate did. He weighed right under 18 pounds which put him in the 56th percentile for weight, yet he was only 25 and 3/4 inches long which came out to being in the 22nd percentile for height. Poor, poor baby. I think he might have my genes. This is not good. So not good. He definitely gets the big head from his dad, though. I can't take all the blame. Good thing he is so stinkin' cute.

I have been feeling very stressed in my "job" lately. Maybe just with life in general. I feel like I am struggling with trying to be all things to all people. I know my first earthly priority is to be a good wife to Boss and a good mama to our children (by the way, I love saying "children". It sounds very classy and old fashioned. Much better than calling them "kids".) I will always strive to put them first. Some days I feel like I have nothing left to give to the teenagers, and they need oh, so very much. I don't feel like I am giving everyone what they need and it puts such a strain on my heart. My biggest fear in life is having regrets when it is all said and done. I feel like these teenagers are my mission. I love them. I take seriously my charge to care for them. But lately I do not feel like I am having the time for my own children like I want. Something is always coming up (meetings, doctors appointments for the teenagers, someplace they need to be driven, etc). It is so frustrating. It is hard work finding balance. I feel like something needs to give, and it will never be boss or the kids (even though I don't like the word kids. I like the word children, but it was sounding redundant). I just want to be the best I can be to everyone and it is wearing me out.

I have been trying to eat more natural, organic foods lately. Today I tried natural peanut butter. It was very sticky. Much stickier than "normal" peanut butter. But I felt much healthier when I was done eating it. Or not.

Emma turned down bike riding with me tonight to play with some friends. It made me kind of sad. Why can't I always be the coolest person in her world? She gets allowance now. Not for chores. She does those just because she is an active member of this household. It is her job to make her bed every morning, feed and water the cat each day, and to buckle her sister in her car seat when we go somewhere. She gets a quarter taken away each time she gets in trouble beyond a warning. She has already lost fifty cents. She has been struggling with selfishness and negativity this week. It is hard work raising another human being. But we had our Tuesday Duggar Date and we snuggled. Things ended well with her today. She ate a ding dong. I did not. They are not natural. They are unnatural.

There. I now think I am out of random thoughts for today. Once again, you're welcome.

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