Monday, January 31, 2011

A Journey

Seeing as it is the very last day,of the very first month, in a brand new year, I thought that I would get brave and openly share with you my one and only new year resolution. I usually don't make new year resolutions. I might have a few goals for myself that I try and implement into my life in a new year, but usually those goals only last for a short while before they fall by the wayside. But this year it has to be different. It must be different. My soul and the precious souls of my family are at stake. It's that important.

Are you ready to hear my resolution? You are? Well, here goes...

This year, and every year after, really, my resolution is to be on a journey to find out if Jesus Christ really is who he claimed to be.

For most of you who know me, you might think that I already have this figured out. But the truth is, I have been piggy backing on my parents faith for far too long. I was raised in a Christian home. We attended services three times a week. My parents were fairly conservative and strict. But the one thing I think was missing was talking about why we did all that we did in the name of religion. What was the point in living so differently from the rest of the world? Why should I be passionate about a man who died on a cross? Or maybe we did talk, and I was just not in a place to "hear" what was being said. That could very well be the case. But no matter what, it is time for me to discover what I believe in on my own. Or who I believe in. No, not even that. I am on a journey to discover why I believe in what I say I believe in.

I have decided to embark on this journey for many reasons. One reason is because I have been sensing a stirring lately, deep in my soul, that there must be something more to my faith. Something more than just going through the motions of religion. Sure, I try and do all of the "right" things. Our family attends worship services (usually three time a week), I do not curse, we homeschool, I seldom consume alcohol, I am faithful to my husband, we tithe, and we take in children who are in needy, for crying out loud! And for awhile, I thought that was enough. But lately, not so much. My soul is craving more. If Jesus really is who he claimed to be, then so very much of my life needs to change.

Another reason I am on this journey is because as my children grow, and my personal circle grows (through the children that we serve), I am beginning to get asked questions about why I believe what I believe, why we live the way that we do, and for the very first time I do not have answers. Sure, I spout off something to pacify the asker, and to make my heart feel good and righteous, but inside, I know that my answers are hollow. And if Jesus really is who he claimed to be, then I have a life giving message to share. Hollow answers will no longer do.

What will my journey look like? I am not really sure. But I know that it has begun. I have started this journey by tossing out all other references and using the Bible as my only resource. For now. It is long past time for me to get in the Word and discover what it has to say. I love reading devotional books, and books that make me feel warm and sunny on the inside, but I will be honest and say that I have often found the Bible to be very boring and dull. Not aplicable to my life in our current culture. But that already has begun to change. I have committed to reading everyday, whether I "feel" like it or not. I have committed to plunging in feet first, and already my perspective has changed. The scriptures are becoming more real to me than they ever have. And now, I can honestly say that I want more of them. I would rather read than watch a movie. I would rather read scriptures than read a blog. And that is quite a change for this Mama, I am ashamed to admit.

My hope is that you will support me on this journey. My hope is that you will pray for me. My hope is that God will radically change my heart as I study the Bible, and that the end result will be a radically changed life. My hope is that I will become a woman who is in love with her Savior, who can't wait to share all that she has discovered with others. That is my hope, my prayer, and my resolution. And this is my journey.