Almost three months ago, I had a birthday. My 29th birthday to be exact. Once you become a Mama, your birthday isn't quite the shebang that it used to be, but my family and friends are so sweet to always spoil me rotten. Boss always gives me the day off from diaper duty (a REAL treat!), and usually treats me to a date night sans children. My sweet children shower me with love, hugs, and kisses, my mom always makes my traditional birthday cake (mint chocolate chip ice cream layered between chocolate cake and iced with hot fudge), and my girlfriends are sweet to take me out for supper at Olive Garden. Yummo! With such blessings as these, getting older each year is not quite as difficult as I once thought that it might be, and the years (and birthdays) have seemed to pass by without me hardly noticing them at all. But this year was a bit different.
29. I am 29 years old. For the past three months I have been repeating that small little sentence over and over again to myself. On one hand, 29 still sounds quite young. So much life left to be lived! So many experiences yet to be had. Lord willing, my party is far from being over! But on the other hand, 29 is just one short year away from 30. 30! And that sounds old. I have found that this last birthday has caused me to do quite a bit of self reflection. Have I done and accomplished all that I thought that I would in my first thirty years? Do I like the person that I have become? What needs to change so that I can grow more into the person that God designed and desires for me to be? What are my goals for this next season of life that is approaching? How will I accomplish them? These are the thoughts that have been swirling through my brain, over and over again.
To some of those questions, I feel that I have found answers. For starters, I do believe I have accomplished much in the past 29 years. From the time I was small, my only desire was to be a wife and mother, so to spend my days caring for Boss and the children really is my dream come true. I can't imagine life any other way. I wouldn't want to imagine it any other way. Some people want careers, some want fame, others excitement. All I have ever wanted was family. I have no doubt that I am right where I was meant to be in my role as wife and mother.
Do I like the person that I have become? Sometimes. I do see many ways that I have grown, strengthened, changed, and matured over the years. But when it comes to personal character there is always room for growth. What needs to change in my life, what are my future goals, and how do I plan on achieving them? These last three questions have been on my heart the most.
I really feel like God is doing a work in my heart and in my life, and I am quite excited to see what He has up his sleeve for me with this next season approaching. I feel it deep in my heart that change is in the air. Not necessarily BIG changes, although there might be a few. But little changes. Changes in the way that I relate, talk to, and serve my husband. Changes in how I spend my time. Changes in the way I do "life" with my children. More time together, or rather more purposeful time spent together. More hugs, more laughter, more memories. More of Him, them, and less of me. Slowing down. Savoring the everyday moments. Realizing more each day that these small, everyday moments, are what make up my life. And I want my life to count.
So that is what has been on my heart and in my mind. Lots of thoughts. Lots of self reflection. Lots of pen to paper, writing down dreams and weeding out all the extras (things that might be good, but aren't necessarily best). It is my desire to love God, to serve and nurture my family, and to make a difference in this world one day at a time. 29 years might seem like a long time, yet in some ways it feels like I am just beginning. Just beginning to realize who I was meant to be.
