Sunday, April 22, 2012

Planting and Pointing

Once upon a time there was a little girl who had BIG dreams for her life. She never wanted ordinary, only extraordinary would do. She spent hours upon hours dreaming of the man that she would marry, the children she would have, the adventures she would go on. She dreamed too, of the service that she would do for God. Serving Him was important to her. She wanted to do BIG things for His kingdom during her time here on earth.

She wanted her days to matter. She wanted her life to count.

Eventually that little girl grew up and went to college. A BIG old state university. Texas A&M Universty, to be exact. Whoop! Only she didn't really go there for a college education. She went to find love, to live life, and to have adventures. (Shh. Don't tell this college girl's parents who paid for this BIG college adventure.)Some of her most favorite college adventures were when she would go on mission trip's with her friends to children's homes around the country. During these trips this college girl fell in love with the children's homes that she visited. She loved the children, the BIG, loud, crazy houses, the BIG white vans that the houseparents drove. She loved it all! And she wondered if maybe God wasn't leading her towards this work one day? She didn't know, but she sure hoped and prayed that He was.

During her junior year, this girl found BIG love with a man she now calls Boss. They dated for two months and were engaged for six, before they committed their lives to one another one hot, May day. And one of the many things she loved about Boss? He dreamed as BIG as she did allowed her to dream BIG and supported her dreams. Because he supported her. And if this girl thought she had BIG dreams before, now she was flying. Right away they started their little family, and right away that dream came true. But before too long, life had led them down a path that they had not intended for themselves. Boss worked a regular job, the girl was a stay at home mama, and they lived in a cookie cutter house. It wasn't a bad life that they were building, but it wasn't for them. It was an ordinary life. And both of them wanted more.

One day, as she was thinking about their lives and pondering change, the girl remembered how much she used to love the children's homes that she visited. And she felt her heart being nudged in that direction once again. So she shared the desires of her heart, her BIG dreams, with Boss, and the most amazing thing happened. He said, let's go. So they did. Boss left his regular job, they sold their cookie cutter house, and they went. And they never looked back.

For the past six years Boss and this girl (his girl) have served nearly forty children in need. Children ranging in age from five to eighteen. Children needing a home and love. Children needing a good example and guidance. And there have been many, many happy times. Much laughter and learning abounding in their home . And there have been hard times, too. Hard lessons to learn. For this girl, the hardest lesson to learn was understaning that just because you dream BIG things, and perhaps do BIG things, does not guarantee that you will see BIG results. In fact, you are not guaranteed seeing results at all. Time and time again, this girl gave her heart to a child, fell in love with a child, only to have that child hand her heart right back to her. Only now her heart was missing a little piece. A piece that child now carried, whether they wanted it or not. Time and time again this happened. Time and time again this girl vowed that she would not get attached to anyone else. But she always did, because that's the way her heart worked. But she kept secretly praying that God would send her one child, just one child, that would make all of this time, effort, love, and hurt worth it.

If she could just change one life, then her life would count.

That's what this girl thought. And then three years ago, God sent her the one. Or so she thought this child was the one. And a part of her fell in love once more. For three years she gave this child all that she had to give. She tried to stand in the gap, make good decisions, parent the best way that she knew how. And she thought it was enough. She thought she was enough, because this was her one. The future looked bright, and nothing else mattered if she could change at least this one.

Today, the future for the one dimmed considerably. Today, the one walked out. Tonight, this girl is hurting, because she feels like she didn't change even one. Not a single one. And she wonders if what she has done with her days has mattered after all. So this girl did what she always does when she is hurting. She headed to the bathtub to soak away her sorrows, to think and to pray. She needed to make sense of it all. To make sense of all of this time given, and to make sense of all of these children who have walked away. Because it doesn't make sense to her. And she told God that. She asked him why she couldn't change a single one. And as she began to sink further into the warm water, thoughts began to sink from her brain into her heart. Where she needed to make sense of it all. And once again, she was reminded that she was seeing it all wrong. She doesn't need to change anybody. Not even one. Only God can do that. Her job is to plant the seeds, perhaps water a few, but never to change. Changing them is never her job. Only The One can do that. And this girl was also reminded of something else. She had once again gotten so busy trying to change the one, save the one, that she had forgotten that she only serves an audience of One. And nothing else really matters. It is him she is serving. It is his seeds she is planting. And that is her only job.

The point of her life is to point to Him.

That is all. And if she does that, if she plants seeds and points, plants seeds and points, perhaps one day he will do the ultimate work of change. And maybe she will see the results. Maybe she won't. But it shouldn't matter to her either way. As long as she is planting and pointing she is doing her job.

And The One she serves is BIG enough to take care of the rest.

And this girl knows this. She really does. But sometimes she needs a reminder.

*** As I finish editing this post tonight, the one who left is sleeping safely in her bed here in our home. She has returned. There is still much to be worked through and sorted out, but for tonight she is here. And Boss and I will keep planting and pointing and pray that the seeds take root. And then we will leave the rest up to the only One who can change. ***

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